I need help/support. I felt I was doing ok with 'letting go', but I hit a road block.
My H has been living up north since Feb.
My original post is in new comers 'quietly watching....need help' 2-22-10.
I truly had thought I was ready to 'drop the rope' until yesterday when I talked to a friend that lives up north (small town 500 people).
It seems H has developed a 'friendship' with a woman whose husband passed away in Jan...this is NOT the OW he was having the ea/pa with when he left.
This woman was an acquaintance, H knew husband better.
According to H, he is just 'friends' with her. She is pretty independent, but they keep each other company.
H does not see anything wrong with this, and I did not either....I know, in hindsight VERY stupid!!
However, my friend said people are wondering if they are having an affair.
As, according my H, I am CHOOSING NOT to be there. WTH!! That is the furthest thing from the truth!!!
HE LEFT....needed time to figure things out....ILY, BNILWY....this just isn't working...you know the usaul stuff.
I have given him his space. He thinks we are friends. I have not talked about R. Unfortunately, I did not set any boundaries.
I have been GALing and trying to move on, and acting 'as if.' Took my rings off last week (he doesn't know). I now KNOW I cannot change who he has become.
BUT....since hearing this info I can't help but think maybe I should...
a) call him b) call her or c) call both
I have made my mind up that I am going tell him I have taken my rings off and am moving on....giving him what he wants. I cannot be a friend to someone who is disrespectful to me. I am FINALLY strong enough to once again believe this!
My boundary is going to be....I cannot be your friend while you are still having ea/pa with OW (OWs!!)
So it seems to me I should let go and not call either one about what friend said. But, don't know for sure?? IMO he has replaced her for me....in the friendship dept....I am not as available as I used to be.
I know these are 'feelings' and I am an enabler/fixer, but I still wonder if I should ignore their 'friendship.'
OW's friend came out and asked her if she was having an affair. She said, 'oh no. We are just friends helping each other out.' And I gotta say, my 'gut' tells me H is telling truth, as he's not hiding anything....but I don't 'feel' the same about her.
I had heard they were going to the fireworks together. My first year in 23 years, that I am not up there So, I know my feelings are involved here.
So, anyone, please?? I really have come a long way....which has taken me a very long time....I do not want to do something I would regret......thanks, gg
M55 H55 my D31 H D30 1st met her when she was 25 M 22yrs...2nd for me, 1st for H OW 2005 mother of H daughter, came back to introduce D 1bomb 6/05 2bomb 7/08 3bomb 2/10 moved up north
I don't know your whole sitch but do not tell him that you took off your rings and are moving on unless you really are ready to move on.
I really am ready to move on. This has been going on for much too long!!
P4M...thank you. I hope you can work yours out too.
Puppy....(my H's nickname for me ) I do know I have to be sincere. I guess I don't know what to do because I have no definite boundaries set or even if I need them now that I am 'letting the rope go'.
Today was a very hard day for me....I'm afraid I let my feelings get in the way.
I did not contact either one of them.....
M55 H55 my D31 H D30 1st met her when she was 25 M 22yrs...2nd for me, 1st for H OW 2005 mother of H daughter, came back to introduce D 1bomb 6/05 2bomb 7/08 3bomb 2/10 moved up north
If you are really ready to move on, why post this "I do not want to do something I might regret" and ask the question "anyone please?"
This was in reference to my contacting H and 'friend' about their rumored A. I have read to expose, but at this point in my sitch, I really don't think it would have any affect.
I was mostly dealing with emotions today..... first time not being up north for the 4th and then hearing rumored A with a different woman....needed reassurance on what I should do.
M55 H55 my D31 H D30 1st met her when she was 25 M 22yrs...2nd for me, 1st for H OW 2005 mother of H daughter, came back to introduce D 1bomb 6/05 2bomb 7/08 3bomb 2/10 moved up north
CW...I see you have changed your name!! I like it.
No, I do not have any proof, and I am not going to contact either.
I am just having a hard time with the holiday and being by myself....I need to stop my own 'pity party'....no one's joining me!
I think what I needed/wanted was some 2x4's to knock sense back into me!!
My family (both sides) have been wonderful, but I hate to keep bothering them. MIL called this morning to see how I was doing.
She knew the holiday was going to be hard on me....she too thinks H is crazy!
Thank you CW...
M55 H55 my D31 H D30 1st met her when she was 25 M 22yrs...2nd for me, 1st for H OW 2005 mother of H daughter, came back to introduce D 1bomb 6/05 2bomb 7/08 3bomb 2/10 moved up north
So, I know my feelings are involved here.
) I do know I have to be sincere. I guess I don't know what to do because I have no definite boundaries set or even if I need them now that I am 'letting the rope go'.
