Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers How To Tell The Kids

You mean, like YOU just did there?


Puppy

I guess so. I guess I didn't see it that way because I wasn't asking her to get info for me, just send the question back. It probably was the wrong thing to do.

I plan to talk to W about this when the kids aren't around and tell her not to ask me questions through the kids.

I wanted to cancel this vacation but W insisted that we had to go. I'm currently planning on all of us all going, but things are getting more uncomfortable around the house every day.

Thanks for the reality check Puppy. Someone needs to help keep me grounded.

I'd strongly suggest you KEEP the vacation, but sans your wife.

Puppy

That's probably what I should do, but the kids would be devastated and it would be biting off a lot for me to do this week all on my own, although I could probably get some of my family to come along if W wasn't there.

W wanted to take her brothers kids for a few days too, but he said he didn't think it was a good idea given the situation.

All her grand plans are now blowing-up in her face!

Get your family to help.

Considering all that's going on with your marriage, your kids may need to get used to the arrangement. I'm telling you, it's the BEST THING you could do!!!

Puppy

Dan,

I am still following you and Barcley. I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re doing great. It’s a little scary to see what might be in my future, but you guys are helping me see things that I will need hopefully slightly ahead of time. I’ve learned a lot from my own posting and also by watching others in the same boat.

I’m totally with you bro. Almost everything abut this sucks to one degree or another. But the couple of things that don’t are pretty cool. I like the high from working out. I miss that AND the results. When I met her, I was running 2 miles a day (in 14 flat) and playing racketball 4-5 times a week. I was hard. Of course I was 23 years old too. In 17 years of being fat dumb and happy I let myself become a gelatinous blob. Also, my relationship with my boys is even stronger. But I’m terrified about what this will do to them both short and long term. I think you said you would have chucked in the towel long ago but for your kids. I couldn’t agree more.

Anyway, didn’t mean to talk about me. Just wanted to commiserate with you. Happy anniversary tomorrow. Not being a smarta$$, just wanted you to hear it from somebody.

DanF,

It would be a good way to keep your focus on the trip and the kids if you do it this time by yourself. W may find out what she will be missing not being there. I believe you can handle it. It would be tough, but it would be a real challenge to go it alone for you too. If you do it alone W could see that your are doing it for you now.

Just my perspective. Your decision of course.

You are doing better, and I am very glad because it is very difficult on you and the kids. Don't lose sight of them in this situation.

DanF,

I agree with going by yourself/family. My W and I went away on Mothers day weekend and it ended up turning into a disaster. We were essentially trapped. There was so much tension, and when her phone would go off I immediately assumed the worst.

I would have had a much better time with S without her. Just my opinion. Good Luck!!!

Thanks for the co-misery Goodman. It helps to know we are not alone. I'm glad that you can learn from my posts. I am doing the same with others here and it is very helpful to get a sneak preview of the future, even if it is ugly sometimes. I have read your posts, but sometimes get confused from reading too many. So many are so close in nature that it gets hard to keep straight who is who anymore.

This is a great place, with a lot of great people giving out great advice. It has helped me tremendously in my recovery. Stick with it as best as you can. I, myself, am addicted to this site and this board. It's almost embarrasing how much time I spend here.

Thanks for the anniversary wishes. Greatly appreciated. It IS another anniversary after all, just under extreme circumstances. If W and I somehow find our way out of this mess, it will still count!!

I will have to consider the whole solo vacation thing for a while before I can get comfortable with it, but I know it is the right thing to do.

"...Because it's totally counter-intuitive and scary for me to even consider telling my wife who doesn't want to be married to me and is quite possibly in some sort of relationship with another man that she should stay home while I take our family on a vacation."