Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives D - DAY HAS ARRIVED

Yes, I meant the physical relationship had got alot better - much better!!! About 6 months before he moved and even upto 6 months after he moved out and had already filed for D.

We were very flirtatious via texts and emails etc.

Honestly it was proabaly the best we had ever had!!

Unfortunately there is a lot of maturity as it evident from the barrage of spiteful and mean texts. He is really like a big kids who just stamps his feet when he doesnt get his way!!

Interesting - aparently I did the same thing. I forced my XH to move in with the OW. I wonder how she feels about that - being forced to be moved in with rather than choosing to.

For me, our 10th year together seemed to be the best yet. We went to Vegas for our anniversary and then had the best Christmas together that I could remember.

And physically, it was like our first couple of years.

Then everything turned in January 2007 -- and I don't know why.

Mishka threw out a theory that STBXW was giving it one last shot emotionally. That she was trying to reconnect with me physically to see if that would turn things around in her head.

And then she decided it didn't. I don't know what to think.

I just wondered. It does take a lot for some men to grow up. I think I finally did in 2009.

I think you are right - I do think that perhaps XH wanted to see if maybe things could turn around in his head. In fact, he said as much. The thing is - it was never going to happen if he was still contact OW. He really was having his foot in both camps. The other camp won!!!

I feel like I am in living in a soap opera at the moment. Life is like one big drama.

I have had to issue a L letter of warning to the OW to stop texts my sons and I whilst they are with me. I have a court case in two weeks time to discuss childcare arrangments as XH does not feel he is getting enough time with them - even though I am just following my sons direction.

Then the following week we are in court again to sort out finances. XH doesnt pay maintenance as he is only part time employed and yet in his disclosure of expenses he pays her almost a thousand pounds to stay with her plus all the bills. HOw is that possible he cant pay to maintain his sons but he can afford to pay a small fortune to her. (Sounds like almost prostitution to me!!!)

Are my expectations too high??? I keep expecting my XH to feel some remorse or guilt for the decision that he made but instead I just keep venom spewed at me.

We got into an email tug of war today. I know I know I should go dark but for once I just didnt feel like him having the last word.

For someone who wanted nothing to do with me why does he continue to send me emails etc. He just will not take responsibilty for his decision and continues to blame me for everything.

My S7's birthday is coming up. We orignally said we would do something as a family i.e. four of us, however now as he has a partner he expects us to do something as the 5 of us. What a riduculous idea - I am not prepared to be a fifth wheel. How can he expect me to spend time with them and recognise her as part of my life.

After the A, harrassing texts etc from the OW how can I possibly be expected to spend time with her?????????

I cannot even imagine. Send him an e-mail that you will be making birthday plans for YOUR family (which no longer includes him) to celebrate with your son and he should do the same, as you will not be celebrating together. End of discussion!

So feeling a bit stronger today. Up until I have stayed upstairs whilst my XH collects my sons. I wasnt ready to face him and also he always brings his OW with him so often felt anxious.

However, the last two visits from him I have gone to the front door, said hello and wave my sons off with a 'good bye' have fun. It has been great and empowering. Unfortunately XH doesnt even acknowledge me or say Hi, which is hurtful. I am not doing it for him though, it does feel great to start to let of the anger and get my control back.

I'm glad that you are being stronger. There is absolutely no reason for you to hide upstairs. Your XH is the one who should be hiding and ashamed - he has no business flaunting the OW in your face when picking up your sons. He certainly doesn't deserve a wave or acknowledgement from you of any kind so just keep the smiling and waving to your sons.

BA