Quote: Even if it's not a big conversation, just mention that you saw an example of what he's talking about, and that you saw it the same way. That will help take away some of his feelings that you're taking sides with your brother.
Great idea, I was wondering how to deal with that conversation.
Quote: Babysteps! More olive branches! More signs that he's working on things also! WooooHooooo!!!!
You forgot to add: count your blessings
I used to think that this song by Lee Ann Womack was perfect for our situation:
When I gave you my heart
It was not what you wanted
Now the walls say your name
And the pictures are haunted
Does my ring burn your finger
Did my love weigh you down
Was a promise to much
To keep around
I remember your words
And I canat keep from crying
I could never believe
That your kisses were lying
Was there something from the past
Buried in a shallow grave
Did you thing that it was too far gone to save
Please tell me baby
Please tell me now
You say that I should just go on
Now please tell me how
Now itas just me and the night
And Iam so broken hearted
I just wait in the dark here
For my dearly departed
Does my ring burn your finger
Did my love weigh you down
Was a promise to much
To keep around
I guess he is back and my ring is in his finger...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Speaking of songs, my H seems to like a lot to put on an old Mexican 'ranchera' called 'Echame a mi la culpa' ('Blame me'). It is addressed to the WAS by the LBS. Here is the translation of the lyrics:
Blame me You know better than anyone than you have failed me that what you had promised, you forgot You know for sure that you betrayed me though no one will ever love you as much as I
I have many reasons to despise you however I want you to be happy, I wish that in the next life you find not hell but heaven and a cloud from your memory erases me
Tell whoever asks you that I did not love you that I betrayed you, that I was the worst blame me for everything that happens cover your back with my pain.
And I wish that in the next life you find not hell but heaven and a cloud from your memory erases me
Do I think he wants to tell me something or it is only wishful thinking?
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I cannot believe the setup you gave me by (1) discussing patience and (2) posting song lyrics. Forgive me now, I'm going to indulge myself.
I wrote a song a few years ago (about the time I met my W). I wrote it remembering a college break-up, but it's been so applicable to things, I've been remembering it over the last few months. It's called... Patience... believe it or not. I apologize if this seems self-indulgent but your posts motived me to share.
Patience (C) William Mansfield (hah hah! I've always wanted to do that)
Looking out at the falling snow No wood for a fire I turn the lights down low As I begin to retire My mind is numb and my hands are cold And I'm tired of being alone The dark skies make be feel old This winter is all my own
I know the cold will end Though it goes on, day after day Seasons change, and change again And that what makes me stay All I need is a little patience
Looking out at the naked trees All covered with snow They sway in the winter breeze It's a feeling that I know I feel like I'm dead inside But I plan to persevere Had enough of strength and pride It's faith that keeps me here
I know the cold will end Though it goes on, day after day Seasons change, and change again And that what makes me stay All I need is a little patience
Another storm is rolling in Bringing hail and rain I feel the chill again But it's just more of the same Left cold after all I've tried But I still smile to think of you So I guess I'll stay inside And just enjoy the view
I know the cold will end Though it goes on, day after day Seasons change, and change again And that what makes me stay All I need is a little patience All I need is a little patience
Of course the root of my dilemma is that I fear 'Believe' is the song which really applies to my mind frame:
Believe ( Cher )
No matter how hard I try You keep pushing me aside And I can't break through There's no talking to you It's so sad that you're leaving It takes time to believe it But after all is said and done You're gonna be the lonely one
Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough
What am I supposed to do? Sit around and wait for you? Well I can't do that And there's no turning back I need time to move on I need love to feel strong 'Cause I've got time to think it through And maybe I'm too good for you
Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough
Well I know that I'll get through this 'Cause I know that I am strong I don't need you anymore I don't need you anymore I don't need you anymore No, I don't need you anymore
Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough
Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough Do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don't think you're strong enough
If he is not strong enough to break it up, it is his loss... my D and I can and will live on!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Quote: I loved it Bill! Has your W seen it? If not, I suggest you give it to her as a present...
Thank you!
W has heard it, yes - when we were dating, she used to carry in her car CD player a disk of recordings by me and my "band buddy", this was one of the songs.
Funny, when this whole D thing started, I started making recordings again on my 4-track recorder with the intent of making a new disk for her - she really likes this kind of thing - I did about 3 covers before I wandered off to other things. She's heard these and really likes them.
Songwriting is never a quick process for me to be sure, but maybe I should put some thought into writing a new song for her. W was always annoyed that I've never written a song for / about her. Hmmmm......
I know i don't post on your thread very often but I do read it
You have probably been asked this before but...are you sure that OW isn't blackmailing H in some way??
Quote: He has given me two different and probably complementary explanations: 1. She is still there because he does not want to 'lose everything', and specified me and his bussiness.
This first statement of his mades me wonder...considering the type of control you have said she has in the business...it is almost like she is holding something over his head. In the normal scheme of things a business holder wouldn't give that kind of control to someone...it would be begging for financial ruin. Something about that just doens't "ring" right if you know what I mean.
Your H does have a predicament too. He cannot fire OW simply because YOU ask him too nor because he had an A with her. It is basically illegal to do so. You generally have to have "just cause" to terminate an employee. That is why most employers will use things like counseling sheets and keep track of "occurences" etc. This allows them to terminate an employee justifiably and have paperwork to back it up withut having to worry about a lawsuit. It also has an effect on un-employment claims etc (if I remember correctly...business law class was a while ago ). If your H were to fire her because YOU don't want her there and because of the A and she can prove that...well then, she can conceivably sue your H for wrongful dismissal. If she were to win then you are looking at some not-so-desirable possibilities.
1. OW would be awarded a SUBSTANTIAL amount of money to compensate her for "lost wages, pain and suffering...possibly even defamation and sexual harrassment"
2. Depending on the wording of the paperwork that her name is on, it could be construed as her having some form of partnership or "viable interest" in the company/bussiness. If the court were to see it as such then they could conceivably force dissolvement of the business and award her her "share".
3. The courts would deem her termination as wrongful and require she be re-instated to her former position with compensation...ie: increased salary, more benfits etc or just a big lump sum payment.
A lot would depend on just how savvy this OW is. Judging by the amount of control she has managed to empower herself with...I would say she isn't "stupid" by any means
You could have H backed into a corner on this one He could very well be trying like hell to find a good "legal" reason to get rid of her but if she is performing her job properly within the parameters laid out then he is finding it difficult. He may not want to tell you about the "hold" she has either because he doesn't want you to do anything rash nor does he want to hurt you anymore. He KNOWS this is a sensitive issue for you..."why make it worse" could be what he is thinking.
One other thing..."believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see" could be something to consider when being told things by OW too She has a vested interest in your H in way of a steady income and power. She WILL tell you whatever it takes to keep control of those interests. At least that is the impression I get from your posts.
I don't know if any of this helps with your sitch but I thought I would throw it out there No, I am not a lawyer but I have had to deal with terminating employees and them trying to take things to court before. It is a nasty business
Hugz and great going on the otherwise positive changes in your R/M
Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
). If your H were to fire her because YOU don't want her there and because of the A and she can prove that...well then, she can conceivably sue your H for wrongful dismissal. If she were to win then you are looking at some not-so-desirable possibilities.
