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My plan is to just change.
Go back to church
Stop drinking
Stop Smoking
Go to the gym
And find a hobby.

The easiest ones on this list is Church and Drinking.

Oh and...

My wife just texted me wants to stop by and pick up bills and she's asking me "Do I care if she does this?"

What do I say?

"I have decided I will be handling the family finances right now." Then do it.

Its over. She's pretty firm on wanting me to sign the papers.

So guess I'll just make it as civil as possible.

I've know idea how to get a divorce or wtf I'm suppose to do. The hardship this has created is unbelievable.

She's tired of being treated like [censored] and wants out. Okay. Fine.
Hurts like hell but she is stubborn and doesn't even want to try. Going full dark accept for figuring out who gets what.

It's been awhile since I have posted on my sitch...I have 2 hours before my first DB coach session, so figured I would journal and reach out a little bit.

I haven't had a drop of alcohol in 1 Week, marked on the calendar for motivation. Lots of emotions! Lot's of clear thinking and purging of pain.

I was raised by my Mother, because my dad left her before I was born. On top of that she was a "dont stop til you pass out alcoholic". What a memory. Also sad to say, I grew up without any positive "relationship" examples, but I'm still able to change.

My emotions have been so hard to control some days, but it's getting easier. Yesterday I had a full "pursuit" breakdown...but I didn't care. I went into emailing and texting as positive as i could to ask for her to reconsider basically. All positive comments from me - No alcohol involved. Went into with the attitude of being the last time.

Today I wrote her saying I know it was desperate of me to write you all day, but I had to take a chance. Told her:
"I realize you don’t want to be with me anymore and to tell you the truth I don’t want to be with anyone that doesn’t want to be with me. I don’t agree with how you are handling the situation or possibly things being done before your divorced, but hey I’m in no place to judge you"
And I left it that.

I've come to terms, based on the infidelity section, that she has undoubtedly found someone else. Whether right or wrong...I can't judge her.

Hurts, but like you all said it's up to me to change myself into a better person and focus on myself. So I guess with that email, I kind of found closure...now it's time to start getting some of my testosterone back and become happy.

So many posts have showed me so many of my flaws, that it has given me a lot of hope and goals. I need to take on more responsibility and avoid codependency. I need confidence...and hopefully today i can finally put this past me and move forward.

Ummm, not very convincing.

No more drinking, no more texting, no more emailing, no more.

You have to make YOU your focus now. You need to heal, GAL, get good sleep, good nutrition, excercise, go see people, etc.

You're all over the map right now, and the only way off of this roller coaster is to detatch at first, and that means going dark as you can.

I don't even care if it's convincing anymore.

My emotions are all over the place...It was "my" closure. I can't expend anymore energy on this, it's a waste of my life. 2 days ago I reached out to a friend that doesn't drink and we already have plans to go fishing next weekend.

I've been off and on to the gym, but I'm focusing on looking and feeling good from here on out. So even when i feel down I'm going to the gym...nutrition wise I haven't eaten hardly at all...but my appetite is starting to come back which is good. Sleep has been much better this week...instead of staying up til 1 or 2 am Ive been crashing around 11pm and not waking at 4am

Me not drinking for a week has been a HUGE difference too. I'm feeling different and I'm truly seeing things without denial for a change.

All in all I'm on the right path. I'm looking forward to the DB coach session to help me verbally (instead of typing)talk to someone with an unbiased objective.

Yeah... this week. There is no closure until you are happy and accept the things you cannot control.




Yep. I haven't drank anything in almost 8 months. I even went to a wedding/bachelor party/etc... only one not drinking.

On another note, I hope I didn't act like that when I still drank.

LOL. Sad part is, You did and you know it. :P

Good Job man! Can't wait to say I've been Sober for 8 months.

Yes, I agree with "Until I'm Happy" part; but I have "accepted the things i cannot control"...I've had no choice, but to accept it. Now, it's just real...don't know how to explain it. It just feels real.

Say it ain't so!



Best thing I ever did. I was drinking at least 3-4 nights a week and everytime "I felt stressed". Yeah, I know: brilliant idea to drink when you are feeling "stressed".

It has leveled out my moods amazingly. Only 7 months and 3 weeks before you go to a wedding party and see what I mean