I read CHL's post while I was drying my hair this morning, I wasn't going to call H and resay the words differently, but after CHL's post and Shiny's thought okay I will. If for any reason to let H know I didn't mean it in a bad way. When I said the words to H yesterday, they were said light heartedly with a half smile and in my gut I think I knew that H understood.
I took Algal's words and practice saying them for a bit this morning. Dropped S off at daycare, had notes in car read them a few more times and then called H.
H answered phone "this is H" which means H didn't look at his called ID when he answered. I said "good morning" H said good morning back with a little chuckle in his voice, like he was happy to hear from me..on Monday morning of all mornings, too!!
I said I wanted to resay what I said yesterday as I didn't think the words came out right. I said "the moving back and forth is hard on me, too, it really hurt me to have to watch this again. I hope that when you came back again, it would be because you wanted to be here. I really want you to come back home, I love you."
H then said "I figured that out"..meaning he hadn't taken it the wrong way--my view anyway. I said I didn't mean for it sound harsh. H then said don't you think I know that, I move back and then six days later I move back out. H said he was sick of it all and that he still hasn't figured anything out yet. I said well you need to take some time and figure it out, I'm not going to pressure you to do anything. I just want you to know you're always welcome here, you know that right? H said "yeah I'm welcomed at a lot of places lately" sarcastically. H then asked about son, I said S was mad you left without him (I told Son that H had to go somewhere). A little later S said to me "mom I'm not sad anymore" I said you're not, that's good" S said I'm not sad anymore, because you're here!"
So calling H was a 180 and a good idea. I made sure what I said was clear and that H interpretted it right and it turned out great! I don't have to dread the call from H, not that H still won't call, but I called H!
Today, for the first time, I truly feel like I am my H's friend, that I'm someone H can trust and can be honest with-a real friend...I've never felt that way before, in all the years we've been together...what a great feeling, I'm even getting emotional about it...
Sounds like you handled the holiday as well as you could. Better than I did initially at least. I wasn't on the BB from Wednesday until yesterday, but just kept remembering words of wisdom.
Your SS sounds like one perceptive guy. If he reads about MLC then he too will know how to handle his dad's reactions to life better.
I agree with Colleen. You may want to clarify with your H that his moving back and forth is hard on everyone, and when he moves back again, you want it to be forever. Otherwise, I am afraid that like many men, he will hear what he wants to hear not what you actually said. (Sorry guys on here but when emotions like anger are involved, it is true in my experience!)
Winter scrapbooking huh? I have all the supplies, but no time to do it. I have to catch up on all three kids books. Want to finish the home improvement projects first.
You are doing so well. I am glad you truly are happy and that your S3 is doing well too.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Quote: I said I wanted to resay what I said yesterday as I didn't think the words came out right. I said "the moving back and forth is hard on me, too, it really hurt me to have to watch this again. I hope that when you came back again, it would be because you wanted to be here. I really want you to come back home, I love you."
Good job. (In a non-boss tone!!!)
Quote: H then said don't you think I know that, I move back and then six days later I move back out. H said he was sick of it all and that he still hasn't figured anything out yet. I said well you need to take some time and figure it out, I'm not going to pressure you to do anything. I just want you to know you're always welcome here, you know that right? H said "yeah I'm welcomed at a lot of places lately" sarcastically.
Nice validating from both sides. I think that's a really good sign.
Today, for the first time, I truly feel like I am my H's friend, that I'm someone H can trust and can be honest with-a real friend...I've never felt that way before, in all the years we've been together...what a great feeling, I'm even getting emotional about it...
Awesome. That's such good news!!!! Be prepared for the ups and downs, because you're still on a rollarcoaster. However, this is a big improvement. Remember this good feeling so it can help you later. Overall, this sounds like it could be a turning point in your situation.
Hi Cathy, I didn't want you to think I forgot about you over here. I had a crappy week, but feeling better. I am keeping an eye on you though. You are doing well, and you are getting a lot of great advice.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
My IM went wacky yesterday so I uninstalled it and haven't been able to get it back installed. I hope you're having a great day. H is coming over to see S tonight.
I made a big pot of chili last night! Can't wait to have some tonight. My H is usually the chili maker, but the batch I made is pretty darn good if I don't say so myself.
Quote: Awesome. That's such good news!!!! Be prepared for the ups and downs, because you're still on a rollarcoaster. However, this is a big improvement. Remember this good feeling so it can help you later. Overall, this sounds like it could be a turning point in your situation.
What you said, the rollercoaster thing, was lurking in the back of mind. Yes we have had really positive interactions the last few days, but it doesn't mean it's going to stay that way. I'm not buying anymore rollercoaster tickets. I think I'll stand and watch.
I did talk to H today and H was Mr. Negative today. Brought up something a coworker said to H today, that my BIL told coworker last week. H told me what it was, and I said, well it was the truth. I said why did coworker tell you that? H said I don't know, thought it was something I needed to know. I said he's a gossip and I really don't care what anyone says anymore. My BIL and coworker went to HS together, they're both gossips and think everyone's business is there business. I can't control other people.
Oh well, for every negative of H's, I countered with a postive or changed the subject to something else. Put the focus on H and his health, he has a health problem and found some info on the Web that I read to him.
CHL is the chili maker at our house but I believe here soon I am going to make a batch. It is sounding pretty good as it is getting colder and colder out!
I had asked him about coming over and making a double batch so he would have some and I would have some.
But I used to make chili so I think this is a doable undertaking!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Chili sounds good to me too - think I will make a batch myself tonight, but we all need to remember to make enough for our spouses - I remember when C made a batch of soup and gave me enough for 2 or 3 meals - It meant a great deal to me then. so tonight it is Chili and enough for her too.
