Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW Wants to Be Alone

Hello,

I'm new to posting on these forums.

I'm pretty upset right now, as seems to be the trend in these Posts. I've read DB and currently waiting for DR to come in the mail. My Wife and I have had some problems for the last year, in which about a Month ago she moved in with her sister.

Now thru my countless times of bringing up the Big R in our little time spent together (very bad). I received this Email from her yesterday:

"Look im just done dont want to be with anyone at all...dont want to be married anymore as well. i understand that i may not have given you a fair chance and im sorry. but i just want to move on with myself and be alone. and yeah my track record does suck. sure but i just dont want it anymore."

Too me, it sounds like she is fed up with me talking, but some of you out there are just awesome at interpreting things, so maybe you can see something else.

I'm pretty upset to write any long detailed history so If you could maybe ask questions to clarify on anything it would be much easier to focus.

My goals are to GAL, perform 180's, and Save my Marriage. I look forward to any assistance or advice.

Oh...We've been married for 7 years and have been together for 13. My wife is 43; I'm 37 and we have 2 Dogs No kids.

Sorry, MC, that you are here.

Gotta ask - do you think there is another person in the pic?

Why does she say she wants to be alone? What are the issues?
Greek

Agree with her.

- She expects you to fight this all the way.
- She expects you to argue with her on this and she expects to be forced into marriage counselling and forced into having a relationship with you that she currently doesn't want.

She really wants freedom from you, then give it to her, give her 100% freedom from you, agree with her feelings, agree with what she wants and give her the one thing she's asking for.

And that's it.

That's your solution.

If she wants to come back after after her freedom from you and the marriage, it's a decision she will have to make.

View the recent gucci thread on this very topic.

Don't spend years languishing trying 100's of different things in an attempt to get her to come back, do the one thing that has the greatest chance of being successful even though it's counter-intuitive and goes against everything your mind is telling you to do (which is pursue her, email her, text her, call her, leave msg's, write letters, plead, beg, grovel, buy gifts, offer to "change and be a better man").

I mean you could spend all your time doing these things or you could just randomly peruse any number of the WAW threads on these forums and notice that these things don't really work.

And if they don't really work, why bother doing them?

If you want something that works, do what actually works.

If you need more info, I'll post a few quotes and a link to that thread but it should be pretty easy to find on this newcomers forum, it's probably on the 4th or 5th page right now.

I truly don't know if there is someone else. My gut says yes, but then knowing her for all these years "I don't think she is". But TBH people change and anything can happen.

There are a lot of issues.... From me neglecting her by sitting in front of a computer for hours on end; Drinking too much; Smoking; Laziness; not having a life basically. Times she reached out to me and it went in one ear out the other. Pretty clueless.

One day, my eyes opened when she told me that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me anymore. I understood why, took it like a man, and "said" I would change. Yeah I changed and turned into a Panic Driven Wuss. Like a damn psychopath.

Ive accused her of cheating, question her constantly about where she's been, just constantly over and over have given her a hard time. The more I do it, the more guilt I feel, the worst it keeps getting. Now she moved into her sister's house.

I have done really good about not giving her a hard time. We were getting along somewhat and I was giving her space...then one night I got drunk by myself about 2 weeks ago and I texted a bunch of crap that I shouldn't have.

She is now extremely upset and has lost all feeling to come home. We went on a Brunch date last Sunday, where I brought up the Big R. Now, the email yesterday and me typing on here today.

Sorry if I'm rambling. I'm pretty upset about the whole damn thing.

Other man. No doubt. Have you checked??

Methinks she doth protest too greatly about "being alone" -- huge red flag, MCL. Sorry.

Puppy

you have issues obviously to take care of:
- getting a real life
- getting in better physical shape, not for her, but for you
- fixing those lazy attitudes
- controlling the drinking and smoking and eliminating these things if you can or controlling them

In general, living a life worth living instead of just.... existing.

I agree with Puppy