so....how do you approach a LD spouse who had PA and has returned? Is it wrong for the HD spouse to be pissed that LD spouse went "elsewhere" but wouldn't have sex with HD partner?!?!
or maybe i am just venting.....
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
In your situation wife is the LD and you are the HD?
I think anytime they go elsewhere when they are not being denied there is a problem. If they are being denied it should be discussed and you will know where you are at. I'm sure most people won't announce that they are going to cheat.
I'm being starved out. Actually the quote is "married only on paper". Wife sleeps in the bed with the children, put me out 6 months ago.
She looks like a lustpot to me. I figure someones tagging it at the job to keep that lust factor up.
I'm responded with a non-giving "IRS collection agent" tone of voice by her on most occasions.
So I haven't had any in 6 months. 6 months before this slept in different beds, had 4 sessions of physical penetration.
So 4x in one year. Year before this was 2x a week ( sucking to be at the average ), and year before this and years before was almost every day.
I'm mad as hell that my sex life is being screwed with, and have gone through and exited bouts of lowered sex drive, libido, confidence, temporary ED or lowered erection strength due to the situation.
She says its not important. I have no doubt in my mind that that role has been replaced by someone who has connected to her on her nagging complaints of me.
gman,
On LD after. Find those things which will stimulate your wife in those ways or open her up to being stimulated. Also we need to find of true female aphrodisiacs as well as dietery, amino acids or whatever that helps the drive in a female.
i guess i am of the school that maybe she should be the one being forward and trying to do more for me in this department....i know that is probably the wrong attitude but i am not the one who strayed from our M.
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
I feel about the same, however a LD is a LD. We have to do what we can without straining to get LD interested or assisted to a direction benefitial to us.
so....how do you approach a LD spouse who had PA and has returned? Is it wrong for the HD spouse to be pissed that LD spouse went "elsewhere" but wouldn't have sex with HD partner?!?!
or maybe i am just venting.....
Venting is fine.
You may want to ask yourself a few questions because whether you want to admit it or not, you do have a shared role in your relationship with your wife.
(1) What was it that you were not giving her that the Affair gave her? (the Five Lanauages of Love might help you better understand what it was that your wife needed to feel loved) You might also ask he what was it that she felt she needed that she felt she could not ask from you, so that you have a chance of providing it to her.
(2) Why did she come back? What motivated her to return to you?
(3) Why did you allow her to return? What is it that you are hoping for or what is it that you missed or what is it that you are trying to avoid? You really need to answer this one for your own peace of mind.
(4) What is it that the two of you should do differently, now that you each know the consequences of behaving as you did previously, which you both have decided was not a good situation? Should you be doing some things for her so that she will not look elsewhere for affection? Should she be doing some things differently for/to you to build your trust in her? Should she be doing some things differently for/to you so you will want to do things to please her? Those are all the kinds of things that the two of you should discuss, probably with the help of a marriage conselor.
An affair, either physical or emotional is a betrayal of trust, sometimes a cry for help, sometimes a sign of self-destructive behavior, sometimes a mistake that allows a couple to realize that what they have is special and that it needs to be protected and nutured.
I would really suggest marriage conseling with a skilled person. I would be so anrgy if my wife had an affair regardless if she was HD or LD.
Good luck to you and your wife.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Gman, very interesting posting. I identify with you 100% except for the PA portion. I don't have any evidence of my W PA if there was any. Yet, EA was busted. I still don't find any connection between my wife LD and her A with the manager of the local supermarket. What I know for sure this a$3hole is a predator and will do it again. I checked his background, this guy is an expert on married women who shows a sign of vulnerability. He destroyed a family about 16 years ago and took wife and her son and her poor husband landed in jail with domestic violence and eventual divorce. I just found this 1 month ago. For the last two years I've been searching and searching, reading and reading just looking for an anwser. My W finally agree to see a doctor who somebody recommended. She is (the DR.) an expert on hormone effects on women over 40 years of age. My W already had her saliva and blood test done 3 weeks ago.
We have an appoiment to see this doctor next Monday July 12(both together) for a second time. This doctor is suppost to prescribe an special natural formula that will balance her hormone insufficiency if any. I will post the results on any change on her sex drive. If positive changes happen I will give you more details.
Last edited by dgtal; 07/09/1005:41 AM.
Me:52 W:50 M:30 D:19S:27 Discovered EA:08/08 denied W insisted on D+ILYBNILWY:08/08 Exposed wrong OMW:10/08 Found exact OM's ID 2/09 Expose OMW son, not sure OMW knows yet 25 months after still a rollercoaster
Gman, very interesting posting. I identify with you 100% except for the PA portion. I don't have any evidence of my W PA if there was any. Yet, EA was busted. I still don't find any connection between my wife LD and her A with the manager of the local supermarket. What I know for sure this a$3hole is a predator and will do it again. I checked his background, this guy is an expert on married women who shows a sign of vulnerability. He destroyed a family about 16 years ago and took wife and her son and her poor husband landed in jail with domestic violence and eventual divorce. I just found this 1 month ago. For the last two years I've been searching and searching, reading and reading just looking for an anwser. My W finally agree to see a doctor who somebody recommended. She is (the DR.) an expert on hormone effects on women over 40 years of age. My W already had her saliva and blood test done 3 weeks ago.
We have an appoiment to see this doctor next Monday July 12(both together) for a second time. This doctor is suppost to prescribe an special natural formula that will balance her hormone insufficiency if any. I will post the results on any change on her sex drive. If positive changes happen I will give you more details.
dgtal,
Do you have any of the details on this "special natural formula"? I was interested in the contents and if there are any commercial names for such a blend? Also many of us are interested in the results whether they perk up the drive.
i guess i am of the school that maybe she should be the one being forward and trying to do more for me in this department....i know that is probably the wrong attitude but i am not the one who strayed from our M.
gman
Been there, gman. AM there, in fact.
No real advice for you, other than to feel your pain and to say "I know; it sucks."
