1 Cake Eating- they each have us as the safety net. 2 Compartmentalization- they are getting from each of us "just the parts they need" (i.e security,stability, comfort, and getting their physical and emotional "fixes" elsewhere. 3 Inability or reluctance to DECIDE- Our behaviour are enabling their keeping US in limbo and their solving 1 and 2 above simultaneously at no cost.
I can't speak for you but I've seen it printed loud and clear from "The Enchanters" on this board (Gucc, Allen, Coach, Greek, Puppy, Sandi, Robx,et al)-
A- YOU deserve better than "part" of a relationship. So do your kids B- Our spouses are lying, deceitful, manipulative, cowards who can't take responsibility for their actions and/or lack thereof (see indecision) C ONLY YOU AND I are the adults in our relationships so WE MUST LEAD. D One way or another, D or not, we not only CAN't but WON'T live like this. E The longer this goes, the worse it will get and the further it will drag US down and delay our re-establishment and/or rediscovery of OURSELVES. F WE and OUR KIDS need US to be everything we can be.
Lead!! Pull the trigger!! Force the issue!!
We've been at this too long WAITING for a decision.
MAKE the decision and let the chips fall where they may.
WE MUST get on with our lives! If they come out of the ether, fine. Now they will have to dicover whether WE are past them or not.
I'm not waiting a minute longer. We look at their little group of so-called friends and wonder "How can these people continue to enable our S's to do this?"
OUR reluctance to act or create conflict which we base on "hope" makes YOU AND I the worst enablers of them all!!
Drop the rope! Set them free! LEAD!
I had a life before and I want it back. This is my life! This is NOT a dress rehearsal.
If I go tomorrow, I don't want my last thought to be "I was waiting for something to happen"
Not fair to me or my daughter. Especially my daughter. The quicker I can get my life back into MY CONTROL, the quicker she can adjust and adapt.
My thoughts but I hope it shows you a different perspective.
If THEY won't wake up, then YOU have to get out of bed!! That simple.
