Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Does DB'ing work if OW is playing the victim?!?!

KL,
I agree with you, men are more attracted to women who looked up to them as the hero. That's why men go for younger women - firstly for fresher meat and secondly younger women would look up to them more than older and wiser women.

Journaling:

Continuing to detach.

Spent all my weekend with friends, away from home. Did not say much to H at all, except hello.

This morning, before leaving for work, H initiated talk about moving out and splitting our furniture again. I kept my cool and had the discussion with him, even when it says he might even b moving out this weekend. I said that's fine, but i'll stay here since he had already paid rent till end of month. Finally H said he wonders why I came back and insisted on staying for a month, was it to make sure he's not seeing anyone? I ignored him.

Thank God for giving me the strength and peace of mind. I'm on my way to recovery.

Your H sounds like he is testing you...checking the temperature...I bet he notices your changes and wants to know what is UP with xin???

Journaling:

H is starting to look for another apt to move out to since I'm not showing any intention of going anywhere. I think i've detached to a point where I actually would love to be out of here. But I won't make it so easy for him. He would just have to live with his decision. Is this vengeful? I did offer to go look for places with him, but he declined.

I'm contemplating telling the OW's H about her A with my H just so that she can't walk away with too much of her H's properties. Is ths even more vengeful?

So far none of H's family has contacted me at all. Most of them are overseas so we never had much contact, but I thought we got along when we do see each other. Should i write to them to tell them my side of the story? tell them about H's A? Maybe I should sleep on that for now.

Xin,

I don't think that you are being vengeful. If staying in the aprtment works for you now, then stay.

OW's husband doesn't know about her affair with your h? I have to re-read the first pages of your sitch.

If you had little contact with H's family, I am not sure it is worth it contacting them but let's see what others think.

You are sounding good.

Kara,

My objective with contacting H's family is purely to tell my side of the story. I'm definitely not expecting them to help my sitch.

Journaling:

H asked again this morning when I'll be moving out, as he is having problem finding another place to move to. I made the mistake of telling H I can move in with a friend when he first asked for a trial separation.

I would have cried my eyes out just a couple of weeks ago. Now i just feel my heart ache, but no tears. I think this is progress.

I cannot believe how my H has transformed from a sweet loving H to this heartless monster who is totally indifferent to my plight! Is this a sign of a mental issue? Or have I really made his life so bad during our M to makae him hate me this much?

Xin to H: that's unfortunate that you haven't found another place to live. I have decided that I do not want to move and will continue to stay here.

And, no, you didn't "make" H hate you. H is playing head games w/you & himself to justify his A & OW.

RNM,

I'm tempted to say that to H, but i'm not sure if i can do that to him as i know it's going to be hard for him to find another place and i don't see the point of hanging around. It has been more than 6 mhts since I found out about his A and i've done everything i can to try and change his mind, from crying and begging to GAL and not pursuing, but it hasn't changed a thing. What would continuing to hang in here achieve?

Advice needed from DB'er

I've been GAL and feeling good, so good that I had agreed to move out again, thinking it's part of GAL. But today, I'm having 2nd thoughts about moving out. Firstly I don't want to make it so easy for H, secondly it'd probably gives OW the wrong idea and encourage her to progress the A.

I would really appreciate some advice on whether refusing to move out would be viewed by H as not GAL and against my DB'ing effort?