Yes, I do; I just didn't come away from the article with that point, but I do see your concern and distinction.
Puppy
This is from wikipedia :
Behavioral addiction
The term addiction is also sometimes applied to compulsions that are not substance-related, such as problem gambling and computer addiction. In these kinds of common usages, the term addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences, as deemed by the user himself to his individual health, mental state, or social life.
This is why I don't like the idea of putting the dating on the same level as infidelity... it omits the destructive component... conventional dating isn't inherently destructive, while infidelity is...
And ya, you can argue that some people take conventional dating to extremes as well, and I agree with you.
Any relationship can be pushed beyond healthy limits. In that respect, dating and infidelity are similar as there is overlaps in the extreme cases.
It is an interesting article though.
I am very miffed wikipedia did not include infidelity as one of the addictions in a very comprehensive list :
...such things as gambling, food, sex, pornography, computers, video games, internet, work, exercise, idolising, watching TV or certain types of non-pornographic videos, spiritual obsession (as opposed to religious devotion), pain [1], cutting and shopping
Don't you think infidelity deserves a spot there wtih TV and shopping getting on the darn list?
Seriously... watching TV is more destructive than a sexual affair? lol
In these kinds of common usages, the term addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences, as deemed by the user himself to his individual health, mental state, or social life.
Could it not be said then that a huge part of any addiction is the compulsive factor coupled with the harmful consequences.
So when examining any relationship that is deemed to be mutually exclusive, there is always going to be a compulsive element tied to one or more of our main health component, i.e.; emotional, mental, spiritual, and/or physical. I think the ‘harmful consequences’ is the added ingredient that redefines it as an addiction. It does not matter which component it harms, or to what degree it harms it, for it to convert over to being ‘addictive’.
Emotional: We all have experienced compulsion here, but the A participants have brought in the harmful component to themselves and thier loved ones.
Mental: The drive for education, intelligence, and understanding are compulsions, yet become harmful when they are twisted into destructive behavior and or teachings.
Spiritual: As opposed to healthy religious pursuits, we all have heard or seen the harmfulness of cults and or religious extremist.
Physical: Either end of a physically abusive relationship obviously brings a harmful component into play.
Another component to the addiction that comes to mind is the fact that a lot of the time the person caught up in the addiction does not even realize it is harmful or more likely chooses to ignore that it is harmful, and therefore do not consider it be an addictive behavior. Unfortunately in a lot of addictions, substance abuse as well as the behavioral ones, people need to hit rock bottom before they admit to themselves it is hurting them and the ones they love.
(or I could be completely off base )
from my fortune cookie,,,,,,"Adversity is the test for strong men" Me -44 WAW - 43 D14 D8 EA/PA mid May,2010 WAW moved out- 07/01/10 WAW filed 07/01/10
Ok I've been reading this thread and I am curious; does this mean that it is a good or bad idea to get your WAS to look at pictures of you as a couple when times were really good? Like, assuming that my H is still attached to me in some fashion, and I think that's a reasonable assumption, and that he's in his own way going through issues in the breakup of our marriage even though he is somewhat hiding it by being with the OW and/or alone with his own thoughts, will it trigger anything with him should he see pics of us from before things went south, or videos or whatever? I have boxed some things for him here and there and could put some things like that in the boxes for him to "find" if that would be effective, but if it would NOT be effective I would not want to do it.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Ok I've been reading this thread and I am curious; does this mean that it is a good or bad idea to get your WAS to look at pictures of you as a couple when times were really good? Like, assuming that my H is still attached to me in some fashion, and I think that's a reasonable assumption, and that he's in his own way going through issues in the breakup of our marriage even though he is somewhat hiding it by being with the OW and/or alone with his own thoughts, will it trigger anything with him should he see pics of us from before things went south, or videos or whatever? I have boxed some things for him here and there and could put some things like that in the boxes for him to "find" if that would be effective, but if it would NOT be effective I would not want to do it.
It will not be effective if you are not the addiction.
In fact, it could work more like aversion therapy.
Ok I've been reading this thread and I am curious; does this mean that it is a good or bad idea to get your WAS to look at pictures of you as a couple when times were really good? Like, assuming that my H is still attached to me in some fashion, and I think that's a reasonable assumption, and that he's in his own way going through issues in the breakup of our marriage even though he is somewhat hiding it by being with the OW and/or alone with his own thoughts, will it trigger anything with him should he see pics of us from before things went south, or videos or whatever? I have boxed some things for him here and there and could put some things like that in the boxes for him to "find" if that would be effective, but if it would NOT be effective I would not want to do it.
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