Since she's a WAW, it's pretty obvious we don't have a good, healthy interactive relationship...
It does make me uncomfortable, but hell, if the mailman winked at her I'd be uncomfortable. I don't think that it's damaging our relationship, though it's not making it better either. Neither is me watching Friends, but it'd be silly of her to ask me to stop.
Since she's a WAW, it's pretty obvious we don't have a good, healthy interactive relationship...
It does make me uncomfortable, but hell, if the mailman winked at her I'd be uncomfortable. I don't think that it's damaging our relationship, though it's not making it better either. Neither is me watching Friends, but it'd be silly of her to ask me to stop.
I don't know...
That my friend is part of the problem, she's developing a strong emotional connection to this other man while your own connection with her is weakening and you don't think it's damaging your relationship.
Tables were turned and your wife was in your position and you spoke to her everyday about this great woman at work and you brought food for this other woman and shared meals with her regularly, and developed a strong emotional connection with her - what do you think your wife's response would be?
let me be clear Pinhead, I'm not being mean, punitive, angry or trying to teach you a lesson, I'm offering you another point of view/perspective on your situation - you're very close to it and it's hard to see everything that needs to be seen, we can offer that point of view from a distance.
Neither is me watching Friends, but it'd be silly of her to ask me to stop.
OK, I'll ask you to stop.
What can you do that will make her attracted to you?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Robx, I took it the way you intended. As you said, sometimes you're too close, or your judgement is clouded by what you "wish" to happen that you ignore the reality.
Coach- When we met with the MC for the first time, she said the three things that attracted her to me was that I was kind, that I was smart, and that I gave her lots of attention. I'm still doing the first two, and the the third when she initiates it.
I'm trying to become more physically attractive and active, as well as more assertive. I think that one of the big turn offs for her was when I had cancer, and she felt I wasn't fighting hard enough. She wants a strong, confident man.
Robx, I took it the way you intended. As you said, sometimes you're too close, or your judgement is clouded by what you "wish" to happen that you ignore the reality.
Coach- When we met with the MC for the first time, she said the three things that attracted her to me was that I was kind, that I was smart, and that I gave her lots of attention. I'm still doing the first two, and the the third when she initiates it.
I'm trying to become more physically attractive and active, as well as more assertive. I think that one of the big turn offs for her was when I had cancer, and she felt I wasn't fighting hard enough. She wants a strong, confident man.
Unfortunately I've seen this situation come up a few times, a lot of women tend to tie their emotional connection to a man to the security he provides her with, be it financial, emotional, physical, etc. A guy loses his job and can't get a break with finding another one, his wife loses attraction for him, he no longer provides her with the security she was accustomed to with him. A guy gets hurt or in your case, a life threatening issue like Cancer and it makes him appear weak and ineffectual and poof! the attraction is killed, it certainly isn't fair but we're not dealing with what should be fair and right here, we're dealing with attraction, what triggers it, what causes it to die out.
Every man should strive to be a strong and confident man, that's a given.
Keep on working out, hitting that gym and don't just strive for those last few pounds, that's just a short term goal, set up a long term goal for yourself, get ambitious, get in the best shape of your life. Stop focusing as much on her and all that temperature taking, it never helps, start focusing more on yourself, getting in shape, tanning every now & then, investing in your appearance, going out with friends, getting a real life, not the make belief GAL's that a lot of users on these forums will pretend with. Become that guy you know you can be, unlock that hidden potential, I think you can do it.
It is impossible for anybody to understand what a human being goes through when they are fighting for their life and are up against a disease that can kill you. I have been there.
When you are fighting for your life being attractive is the LAST thing on your mind. There is nothing sexy about chemo, dialysis <insert treatment here>. My H used to say ALL THE TIME he didn't like the way I handled my disease/treatment and began to resent me for being sick. And you know what, if that is how your W feels then F*** her.
I have seen a health crises C now for some time. In her 30+ years of experience she has observed that the non sick spouse often copes with the incurable illness of their spouse by saying/thinking/feeling what the ill spouse is doing is not good enough or they are not handling it the "right way". What that really boils down to is the non ill spouse finding a way to cope with the idea that their spouse is very ill and they very might well lose them in a way that is NOT on their terms. Divorce is on somebodies terms but death from an illness is not.
Take care of you... your mind, body and soul. That is priority number 1 and it has nothing to do with attracting your spouse back. It has to do with you being an absolute warrior for making it through chemo without the proper emotional support from your W.
When my H took our only car after he moved out w/o ANY legal agreement in place to do so I took the bus THREE hours each way to get my treatment. Sexy, no? Warrior? YES. I did this for close to 18 months. If somebody thought that wasn't all that attractive then F*** them.
<this isn't aimed at anybody other than the WAS who use an illness as a complaint>
My wife definitely felt (and possibly still does) feel resentment over my cancer. She couldn't understand why I didn't have the energy to get out of bed and play with our youngest (1 year old at the time.) She said she was so scared I was going to die and leave her to raise our daughters alone. She's also implied in the past that my unhealthy lifestyle (too much fastfood/junkfood) contributed to the cancer.
I'm the healthiest I've been in 15 years, but a ways to go. I love the changes I've made in just 2 months, and I'm excited to see how far I can push myself. I just hope she ends up coming along for the ride.
One thing I can't change in the attractiveness dept. is the fact that I have a colostomy bag. In the past she's said it's no big deal, but perhaps that was just being kind. If it's an issue for her, too bad, it's kind of permanent.
I guess after she's been so unhappy yet trying to make me happy because she's supposed to, it's hard to know what to trust.
