Callasdad ~ you know the guy sent your very own wife flowers, right? And you know she is secretive about the flowers, right? Enough right there to pay a visit. I think you can find a way to call him out publicly without mortifying your associates there. If you really think through what you say before you go, you can choose a dignified address for his actions. I wouldn't go in there like a brute, though. Loud enough for those in close proximity to hear, but not loud enough to disturb the peace in the legal sense. Careful wording will go a lot further than volume, won't it.
And yes, I would put the tail on her for the Friday night beer. No question. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Thanks, Allen. I'll get on this. Likely Friday after he gets off work. How about if I go to his office; ask the boss I know to come with me and he can witness the warning? Both personal and career embarassment. I like it. You?
OK. How's this? Friday afternoon; in his office (a vehicle showroom-no walls); a calm, dignified, confident voiced me walks in and says "Hi Bxx, Have a moment? I'm demanding that you back away from my wife. This secretive little affair is completely unmanly and the act of a coward. This will be the only warning you get. If I have to tell you anything else, I have your cell number and your address. Any questions?"
Quick and direct.
I will not be visiting my wife while I'm there. Just let it circulate on it's own. I'm doubting he'll be interested in beer night. Or her for that matter. But I'll look into a tail if I can arrange something.
Take some freinds with you to stand behind you in silence
Don't ask him "Have a moment" .. If you are there to make a demand you do not ASK him if he has a moment... this sounds way too wishy washy and will NOT scare ANYONE
Telling OM this is the act of a coward is cheasy...
You wait til the busienss is as BUSY as it can be and you tell him
"BACK OFF OF MY WIFE YOU SLEAZY CREEP!!!" and that's IT
walk around him in a circle to put him on the defensive... make him see you are ready to ACT and that he will REGRET PUSHING YOU...
Your speech above does NOT sound at ALL like his continuing the pursuit of your wife will result in anything at all...
YOu want OM to [censored] his PANTS and RUN
Do you honeslty think what you wrote above is going to intimidate anyone?
All right. Point taken. Thanks. PS I have a manner and tone that is historically intimidating but I really get your point. Quicker and harsher. More threatening and absolute.
No. Rethought. I need more evidence. I need rock solid. I need to be absolutely certain. Threats will no go well if and when this go to court. I certainly don't want the risk of "creating a witness to a threat"
I need more.
Not wussing out. Just need to be certain beyond doubt, regardless of how remote and/or unlikely.
DOn't make threats, just show up, tell him to stay away from your wife... circle him for a moment or two... and leave
Prpeare a script for all possible responses
a. He could deny knowing your wife b. He could bark back at you to get out of his office c. He could laugh at you and tell you your wife's a hot property and he isn't changing his pursuit
What would encouage "you" to send flowers to another man's wife?
I know these men want to "attack" the OM.....and I'm not disagreeing with what they say, okay? That's just the way guys think. But the way I look at it is that it's your WIFE that's the problem. She should have no trouble discouraging OM's advances, if she really wants him to stop.
Yes, she's having an EA. Would she "cry" and "cough up his name" if she wasn't? Do you really think she would go out for beers that often rather than being with her H?
Yes, you need information before acting. Absolutely! I also think people need to do what they feel they can live with. Is this a deal breaker? Would a PA be a deal breaker? Need to think about it, b/c if it hasn't happened already.....it's close.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sorry Sandi, I don't agree.. they are BOTH a problem...
In my opinion in most affairs the WS bears 10% or less of the responsability... they are very OFTEN VULNERABLE... their marriage and household is falling apart and they are a mess...
Along comes some creep to take advantage of that... Of course, he thinks he's a big hero... But his idea of heroism isn't sending a vulnerable woman to her friends and famliy for the safe support she needs, its mounting her in the back of his van...
They are BOTH a problem... all it takes is ONE of them to say NO and walk away and it's over...
It's HARDER for the LBS because THEY are ADDICTED... the OM is NOT addicted... he's just a sleazeball...
And to be perfectly honest, if I WAS hitting on someone's wife and her HUSBAND showed up at my workplace with some friends of his.. I would BACK OFF pretty quick...
Most men uless they ARE complete sleazeballs WILL back off of a man's wife if the man confronts the other man face to face (respect) and intimidating him (just a guy thing) into backing off...
Its a very primal event and most men will pick up on it and back off... UNLESS they are sleazeballs...
Yes, I can understand some men just end up in this situation and they aren't creeps, just misinformed and uneducated.. THOSE guys will probably back off if the husband shows up at the workplace...
This is more a test of OM's character than anything...
