Going to see GaGa in concert was one of the first GAL steps I did back in January! Nothing like dancing wildly with a crowd of gay men to really get your mind off of things!
I am sooooo jealous!
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thank you for your kind words. Really. I did not post my life story to inspire anyone..honestly I did not..I did it for one reason and one reason only! So you and everyone else on these boards would come to really KNOW me. KNOW who I am and where I have been. To know what we refer to as “my truth”. Personally, my hope re: my post….is that by knowing me, you and others may provide perspective for any future 2x4 that come my way. Having said this, If I have inspired you then great BUT  ….you really are where you are suppose to be right now. We both are. Now pick yourself up girl. Look at the life that is in front of you…look at it with open eyes.
As I have said to you before…everything that you need is really inside you. Everything! You know what you’re capable off, you know what you REALLY want, you know what you want your life to be. So just go get it – go live it. Okay…so your question may be how….Well….
Look deep inside yourself and be honest with yourself and you will know what steps you need to take next. They may be hard steps (emotionally, financially, whatever) but steps that must be taken none the less. Your mind body and soul may fight you as you take these steps (hence the pity party). IMO the pity party is about the change that you are undertaking. A change that is bring forth the real BReal. The real you…
My advice is simple…Be you honey…just be yourself…
The real you is not the person that hangs out at her own pity party. Nope. F dat! The real you (and I know this)…is kind, gentle, loving, funny, inspirational, strong, compassionate and patient… So please…get up…and as Brooklyn would say…keep steppin… Hope to hear from you on little Friday.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I feel bad that I even had a pity party--but it was a real one & well earned. NOT deserved--I just mean I worked pretty damn hard to get to that point. lol
It was an emotional few days there. I did cut a few ties... stood on my own a bit... reclaimed another part of my life. And it was really difficult. I'm glad I did it. There will be no regrets for moving forward.
This is my life now, and mine alone. I can only be responsible for myself and to myself.
And like you, the biggest thing for me is to be a good parent. Anything I do to make myself a better woman also makes me a better mommy. The kind of mommy they deserve.
So thank you again.
As for you other messy marvins messing up my perfectly emotion ladden thread.... well...
Neener neener boo boo!
Or for Mach; Neener Neener pink noob!!
lol!! The only reason the accents get worse the further south you go is because you are going further south! Those folks live, literally, a stones throw from Kintuck.
I've been accused of sounding like a Canadian more than once. And even though I'm not sure what that sounds like, I think I like it better than having an aaaaaaaakron aaaaaaccent.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
As per my reply in Lola's thread... one of my first lightbulb moments when it came to realizing MY part in the demise of my marriage. It was a bad day...
H came from a family who didn't put much stock in education. His father made money (although it didn't go to the family), flew a plane--the man was smart but not educated. His brothers didn't finish school & managed just fine in their fields. H was the first person EVER in his family to graduate from high school--forget college. No one needed it, you worked hard to get what you wanted & sweat equity was more important than book smarts any day.
No one ever asked H what he wanted to be because it didn't matter--they knew what he was going to be & led him right along that path. And that's what he did--he was a worker. I don't know if he ever dreamed of doing anything other than manual labor.
Then he meets me & my family--grandmother was a nurse practitioner, my father has his MBA, my brother has his BSN. My family places great importance on education, you can't reach your full potential without it. So when his job dried up, I pushed him towards college. He mentioned maybe twice that he might like to go & I just jumped on it.
I was sooooo proud of myself. I worked to make money while I "gave him the opportunity" to go to school. I don't even know if he even really wanted to. Did he do it just for me? Did he do it to make me happy? Proud? Just shutup? I don't know. I never asked him--it's just always been a goal for us, this family of learners. And here I was, "handing" it to him. I wish someone had just handed my college degree to me. I just assumed he'd be grateful. If not right now, then when he was done & he had that bigger paycheck.
He went to school full time, took care of the kids when I was at work & helped with the house as well as he knew how.
And how did I thank him? By b!tching at him and making him feel that he was only as good as the letters behind his name. I am no better than anyone else who told him he couldn't do something, I was essentially telling him that he hadn't been doing anything and COULDN'T until he was just like the rest of us.
Intellectual castration, anyone?
omg...no wonder he hates me.
*sob*
What did I do to him?
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Okay...stop crying, dammit.
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Alright. What's done is done. I can't undo any of this.
I am getting this--I really am.
Now he is here, at this point and away from me, he is on his own for the rest of this journey. I can't bring him back to here & hope to make it better, I have to just let it play itself out.
It's like H has built a cocoon around himself & is morphing into the *real version of himself*. I can't help him. I can't hurry it along. I can't break it open just a bit to peek inside without destroying it. This is his transformation. The only thing I can hope is that when the cocoon finally opens, he is happy & complete and finds his way back to me.
So much for not crying again today.
So much for blaming everything on him.
I feel sick.
Last edited by beingreal; 07/08/1003:45 AM.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
