Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Movin' On...

How is this about dropping the rope? I know I have been attached to him and refusing to let go for a long time now. But after seeing those pictures I have zero desire whatsoever to reconcile with him. Now I just want him to stop bullying me. Are you suggesting I just take the advice I would give my kids of just ignoring the bully?

That's fine with his pitiful digs and accusations about how I parent the kids. But when he decides to let his dad keep the kids all morning (it is 9:43) and not tell me until I call and ask, that is more than just some annoying comment that I can blow off.

NO, I am suggesting that you lay down your boundaries with him and not via text. With your C's direction I would let him know that you saw the pics on his camera as you were looking through the birthday photos. I would let him know that it is your concearn because your kids could inadvertently access it.

If his lap top is indeed a work computer, he very well could lose his job over it. The man is playing with fire and he has several screws loose. If he looses his job, it will affect you and the kids. He needs to grow up, like yesterday!

kat

BobbiJ, I see you are still livid and have every right to be. But I can't tell if you really want people's advice right now or you just want to vent. So I will bite my tongue!

I hope your session with the C is helpful!

Hey Newmama. Yes, I am livid. And sorry Kat if I bit your head off...I thought the 'drop the rope' thing meant you thought I still wanted him back or something. I guess I dropped it in disgust over the pictures and maybe I did pick it back up out of anger.

However I did not reply to any of his texts yet. Anything I sent would be angry crap and I don't want to be on his level...

Advice is always welcome mama!!

Why is going off on each other a one-way street? He has a responsibility to you to let you know when he will be bringing the kids home. And it is not your responsibility to shoo bugs off the children while they are in his care. Does he know where the pharmacy is? He can go there and buy bug spray. And if it doesn't work, he can take them indoors. You will need to stand up for yourself, BBJ. No one else will.

Yep Lotus I really want to chew him out but wasn't sure how beneficial that would be. However he is a "Lion" on those personality tests, he has no respect for "Golden Retrievers" so backing down and not responding, in his world, means I have submitted to him. So feels like I am juvenile to respond but passive if I don't.

I know him well enough I know what he meant when he said, "Two words. Bug spray."

He did NOT mean he needed bug spray. Then the text would have been, "Bug spray?" or "Can you drop off bug spray"

What he meant was, "The kids have lots of bug bites from being with you on the fourth and they are whining about them which annoys me so now I am blaming you for their bug bites causing me discomfort."

How about this response:



sorry this is the mood I am in...

You know I am beginning to wonder if that is the only kind of response he would understand....

BobbiJ, good job not responding! There is nothing you can say to him--honestly. He will find a way to twist it around on you.

I agree that he is being a bully. He does need to have his own set of supplies though- my stbxh does and I bet most other divorced parents do too!

And the drop off/pick up times--heck yeah he needs to let you know if he can't make it at the time you agreed on!

So 4 things you need to discuss pronto.
1)agree on pick up drop off times. If something comes up, you must notify the other parent so they are aware.

2)Dan should have his own supplies on hand. Now that he wants to be divorced, it means you only parent the kids when they are with you. He has to do it when he is with them. Unless something comes up with issues that require both of you to be on the same page (behavior problems, dirty pictures in the camera that kids might see)

3)Texting needs to only be about the visitation schedule, medical issues with the kids. (well you can decide the parameters)

4)he needs to be aware that his sex stuff could accidentally be discovered by the kids.

So maybe your C, who is AWESOME!!! will have some good suggestions as well!

What a master-baiter

BBJ, I think he finds it easy to criticize you about everything because he somehow feels that you have to take care of the kids. So time to lay down the law:

"When you have the kids you're responsible for them that includes getting your supply of medication, bug spray etc. If it's something you can't do then let's discuss the split custody arrangement, apparently this isn't working.

Two, when you tell me the kids will be here at a certain time I expect them here at a certain time unless you let me know in advance that you can't make it so I'm not waiting around.

Also, before you hand the kids off to your parents or someone else I get the first right of refusal.

[insert the inappropriate material stuff here]

Finally, please don't contact me unless it's an emergency like a life-threatening situation. That includes texts, emails, phone calls etc."

Time to set the boundaries in a clear way. He's a guy you have to spell it out for him.