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I don't want to it to be over, but this is not ok either. I don't think it is out of anger anymore, but out of necessity. I just checked his phone usage right now to be sure, and that just sealed it. First thing he did when he woke up this morning was to text her and since then non stop texting and even a phone call. I am scared to death but this needs to happen. =/ When he is texting me all day saying how he is thinking about me and wants to make love to me all the while texting her times 3 as much, enough is enough! I will update tomorrow on how it all goes.

Thank you for all your support during this tough time!

I hope it went well. I completely understand the need to say this is not ok. H texts OW and calls her 1000x more than he does me....pretty bad.

I don't know when I will be able to get on with my family in town, but I will try.

I chickened out. Partially, b/c I'm being an idiot & I wanted to enjoy one last fun night with H before the end. Also b/c he said how much worse his ADD was now & thought maybe it was b/c he stopped taking his supplements & wants to get back on them. This morning I'm thinking tho that even tho that may be true, this new R is not ok & not appropriate & after all this time & all that we've gone thru, I just can't start this all over AGAIN! It's hard b/c we're supposed to go to inlaws tomorrow & MIL even got H & S matching swim trunks, so it should be a fun day, but I just don't think I can go on pretending everything is ok any longer either... Arrgg, decisions, decisions... =\

Believe me, I understand. I have been in the exact position where I was tired of pretending, but at the same time I didn't want to let him go either. Just do what is best and what feels right for now. I finally...after 15 months and 11 years of H having OW decided enough is enough. I just keep thinking he was never committed to me and probably never really wanted to be with me so that pushes me forward. Plus with me, the in-laws never liked me and I have tried so hard to be nice and pleasant and show them I have changed to have them continually treat me like dirt and not change so that is what pushed me to the stance I have today.

You may not be ready to give an ultimatum and that is ok. Just try to detach and maybe do less with H. Don't go dark, but don't necessarily be as available either. Give yourself some time to figure out what you want and when the time is right, you will go through with it.

Just keep doing what you feel is right. You can be pleasant without being loving, if you understand what I mean. You can be nice without all the flirting and added R stuff. Just set a boundary (maybe don't tell H yet), but stick to your boundary for you.

Have a great weekend!

Good points. I've been thinking alot about this today and I've decided I definitely can't live thru this deceit again, but I think it's got to be all about timing - I have to make the choice that much more difficult for him. We've had a great time last night and today (together and with S) and tomorrow should even be that much more "familish" with H getting to go swimming and doing fireworks (sparklers) with S. Yes, I'm putting on a front right now, but if he is going to turn this life away for other women, he better see what he's missing! It's my last battle! The fact that this is happening again means it must be addressed now b/c all of his arguments about why this happened the first time are no longer here with this girl. I honestly thought OW1 and OW2 were a one time thing b/c of the situation going on in our M (not excusable, but more understandable), but since it's happening again, it needs to be nipped once and for all. I scared to death to confront him (he's a much better arguer than I am & I always seem to cave), but he needs to know that I am not going to stand for him going behind my back with other women, even if that means the end of our M. As much as it hurts, if that's what he wants, I don't want him in my life anyways. It was weird though, sometimes he would look at me and I could almost see the guilt behind his eyes. I'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing is not appropriate, but I don't know if it's enough to call it off or not. I'm kind of trying to watch the cell activity to get a gage of what to do. I'm waiting for the records to come in to see if he was texting her while he was here, b/c that will make my decision that much easier. (Although continuous texting all day yesterday while he was making plans with me, should be enough. Arrrgg) But after I make my decision, I'm done with it b/c I'm not going to be a slave to snooping. But for now, we'll see how tomorrow goes. Should be a fun day. H has also already planned to do stuff with us Monday (picnic lunch) and Wednesday night (bbq together-he's gonna grill up some steak for S and I), so we'll see if that all happens if I break the news. I don't think I can go dark at this point, b/c that would just feed him into OW3's hands. It's new in that R, so it's got to be all or nothing, but I will definitely stick to those tactics if it's a negative outcome - no pleading, pursuring, and begging from me! It really is a tough call, but it comes down to the fact I am better than this, I don't deserve this kind of treatment, and I refuse to be played for the fool again. It's hard to let go, but if he's willing to let go of me so easily, then there's my answer. I have given it my all, loved unconditionally, supported, and forgave and this is what I get back for all my effort - an OW3? I don't think so! He has to chose want he wants from his life and as much as I want it to be me, if it's not, I think I can be strong enough to tackle that road too. The unknown is sure scary tho!

I completely support you, and now I think you are thinking more clearly so I feel better. When I messaged before, I was worried that you were angry and would regret doing anything (the 48 hour rule). Now that you have known about OW3 for over 48 hours and still feel this is appropriate. I completely agree.

I hope all goes well and you keep having fun this weekend.

I am sure he will throw stuff at you about the past, but remind him that you stopped those behaviors, but this is present.

Good luck and just go over everything you can in your head so you will be ready.

Hey let me know on my thread how you got the texts onto the computer because mine between H and I are starting to overrun the phone and I need to do that as well.

Thanks!

So, I guess were done now...as of 5 mins ago...on the D train... =/ I obviously knew this was a possibility, but I just really hoped he would chose us. I don't regret doing it though - it was the only chance we had of having a healthy R moving forward. And if we can't have a healthy R, what's the point of moving forward. Thanks for the suggestion about him throwing things about the past against me b/c he must certainly did that, and b/c of you, I was prepared. Unfortunately, he said that didn't matter b/c it was still a part of him. It was horrible though. He just said so many horrible and hurtful things to me. And how b/c of this, I have now completely pushed him away, but like I just said, I can't continue in this unhealthy R. I only started to breakdown when we started to talk about S, but besides that, I did the best I could. So all the plans are cancelled now for this week including H's b-day on Thursday. Ok, I think I just need to go do a good cry and then I can start to move on with my life... very disappointed, but can't continue to live a lie... =(

Only hope is to go dark and hope he comes to his senses...reminder to myself - NO TEXTING - NO PURSUING! BE STRONG!

So sorry to hear. Just hang in there and remember you deserve better so give yourself time, but don't expect to hear from him at all.

So Sorry. Let yourself grieve.

I am surprised about how much this is getting to me...I thought I was prepared for the worse, but I guess I wasn't. I'm hurting so bad right now and the emotional toll just makes me feel completely nausous. A friend came over & talked with me after it happened (she's been the one friend who's been supportive but said although it's hard, she's happy I can finally move away from that loser). Yes, that's easy to say, but when it's your life and your H, no matter how much of a jerk they are, it doesn't make it any easier to say good bye. I was doing ok, but then S started asking for H and I just broke down. H's parents called tonight and invited S and I over to dinner (I had already told H that I would let him be the one to tell his parents about what was going on, so I wouldn't be accused of turning his parents against him again). I went b/c I was feeling really low and needed some other company (I don't think I mentioned, but my parents are on vacation for the week - hence why H was over more since he doesn't like my parents) but I didn't say anything to them about it. That was nice (I'm so glad, despite everything, that I still have a good R with them), but now I'm home again, S is asleep, and I feel very alone. Two things to mention, H texted around 5 to give me a heads up on a deal on diapers and wipes (my only response was "thanks"), but then also called after that to see if I had "hacked" his phone b/c it was all messed up and wasn't working anymore. Shoot, it would have been a good idea, but it wasn't me, so I just said no, he asked how S was, so I gave him a short answer and that was that. I doubt I'll here from him again anytme soon (unless I get attacked tonight when he goes on his drinking binge tonight that "I have now thrown him in". Please - can't you take your own responsibility for anything?)

So some things to mention during our "final discussion", he never denied the OW3, but was defensive. He even said that he knew I could check the phone records but didn't care b/c he was going to do whatever he wanted to do. True that, but unfortunately, his actions are going to be the end of us. It frustrated me b/c he showed no remorse for his actions whatsoever and instead just attacked me about leaving him. I told him that if he didn't understand where boundaries are then he needs to see a therapist to learn how to, but whether or not he understands he crossed the boundary, I don't think he cares. It makes me more certain I did the right thing, b/c it's obvious now, he was going to play me for as long as I let him - just come over and have the storybook family life, and then take off and go back to doing whatever he wants to do again. The final straw that made me go thru with it today is that he was texting while he was here. Last night, I went to bed, as soon as I did, he started texting with her. Also, during fireworks, I saw him texting and he had this look on his face and I knew it was her, and sure enough, I check and it was. Disgusting! I'm beginning to feel a little angry again which in some ways is better than hurting. How could he throw all of this away? What an idiot! Angry angry angry, hurt hurt hurt, sad sad sad.... =/