Yeah I figured something similar. They would have to be uploaded to somewhere bc he doesn't have the kind of camera that allows you to send pictures, at least I don't think he does...
Yep he has issues. But I am going to let them stay his and not try to share them as I used to. I am retiring from the 'rescue/fixit' business. Maybe I should have a retirement party.
Bobbie, this really needs to be addressed. This is a big deal, more than just "issues." And your kids are the ones who need rescuing.
Am I the only one who sees this as a problem? These are not pictures that were hidden away with the rest of his porn somewhere, they were right there where you and anyone else could see them. And the fact that dan has no clue or concerns about what is appropriate to leave lying around really bothers me.
Seriously, there is something really, really wrong with him.
I'm so glad to see you have moved on. I saw you posting a few weeks back elsewhere (Mish? K?) that sounded like you still hoped somewhere small that he would have a change of heart.. but clearly things have changed since then. Bravo for you. Seems these photos were 'the straw that broke the camels back'. Must have been hard to see.
This is very very sad, for Dan, I dont vilify him, I feel very sorry for the guy, as I said before about this stuff. He is hard-wired to behave this way. Something (who knows what) happened to him in childhood/adolescence and he is now stuck acting out these scenarios. I agree, he was probably going to post the pics on a s*x site.
Did you talk to your C about this yet? From what I understand, you were the ONLY person close to Dan who has found out about this behaviour (other than random strangers he interacts with in it).. you got to see behind the curtain, so he had to build it back up thicker and stronger. I am sure Dan feels huge loathing and deep rooted shame and KNOWS that how he behaves is wrong. He probably feels disgusting. Because you know the real him, you had to go, sadly.
I always thought these deep rooted issues are the cause of his leaving you, that he cant face himself in your reflection. Not that you arent good enough/pretty enough/a good wife, or that he doesnt love you.
I'm no pyschologist either, but I believe there is no cure for Dans predilictions, hence the term 'hard-wired'.
Don't even know how I'd bring it up. I think it is sad. And gross. And pathetic. And unacceptable, if I were still his wife. But I'm not. I do agree the kids should not be exposed to any of this. Just like last summer or whenever it was that his suitcase was here at the house after a business trip, I got in it to do laundry and there were magazines and a dvd in there. In a suitcase right in the middle of the floor where the kids could have rummaged through...
All I know is he is a sad, pitiful man. That is not attractive or appealing in the least.
"Dan, could you please be better about hiding your sextra curricular activities. Like the porn, pictures of your penis, and the dirty movies? It makes me sick to think our kids could accidentally see it."
I vote to say it in a way that makes him feel embarrassed! You know how we dance around words sometimes to avoid saying them? Like Junk instead of "penis!" (although I think on the forum it is better to be polite and junk is funny anyway!)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
"Dan, could you please be better about hiding your sextra curricular activities. Like the porn, pictures of your penis, and the dirty movies? It makes me sick to think our kids could accidentally see it."
I vote to say it in a way that makes him feel embarrassed! You know how we dance around words sometimes to avoid saying them? Like Junk instead of "penis!" (although I think on the forum it is better to be polite and junk is funny anyway!)
I agree. We somehow try to sanitize and and minimize with words.
dan needs to be called out and feel embarrassed and ashamed. Jeez. Ick!
Sadder still is that Nathan and Sydney are in childhood NOW! And they need the role models and examples that growing children deserve.
That's a great line...I could use it on my STBXW in the future.
As for what to say; if you think your children could get a hold of that stuff then you need to address it. I would be straight up and authoratative:
"Dan, please MAKE SURE the kids cannot get a hold of your sexually explicit material even accidentally. This includes your own pics on the camera, magazines, DVDs etc that you leave out in the open. This is not acceptable and I want to make this clear because neither I nor court will tolerate this around our kids. -BBJ"
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
He picked up the kids at six or so...I didn't even want him in the house! I stayed in the dining room cleaning the table, straightening up while the kids got their shoes on to go with him. No desire to engage in the usual chit-chat. As kids headed to the door I said 'Bye Nathan and Sydney, love you'...he leaned back through to door to say "See you later, bye" to me and I just said, "Yep ok" and kept cleaning.
Well a little after ten I heard my phone chirp in the next room, then do it again right away. Two back to back texts is always Dan...I looked at it was
Two words
Mosquito spray
Really? Like I hadn't put it on the kids yesterday. But with all this rain it is mosquito heaven out at my parents.
So...he is concerned that I may have forgotten to use bug spray meanwhile he is doing all sorts of unsavory things in his down time. I guess there is a difference because I am sure he feels that what he does on his own time is his own business...
