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Agree with Dday on #2. As for #1, I think a simple, VERBAL "Btw, thanks for taking the trash out this morning" is the right thing to do. Civil, common courtesy. You should be in the "treat her as you would the mailman" mode right now.

Puppy

I agree, you DB your sister. They all are watching you. No drama on your part because you can handle it by yourself.

Cheers

LOL, I guess I'm just insensitive that way since I didn't have (x)W in the house for very after the 'bomb'.

Thanks DDay. Will follow your advice on this one.

I will see my sister this weekend and let her know it is ok. I just thought that W would be getting best of both worlds. Getting to D me, but still maintaining relationships she cherishes with my family. I thought maybe I should let her believe that she was going to be missing that part of her life.

Thanks for setting me straight.

Did your sister ask you if you minded? Because otherwise, it seems rather control-freaky to bestow your blessing on it.

Exactamundo!

Yes. I thought I posted my reply to my sister asking her not to contact W for a while. That I had not given up on the marriage yet and that I was trying to DB her.

Sister responded that she didn't want W to feel that everyone was against her, or that might make her more afraid to come back if she so chose. She also didn't want to be cut off from my kids.

I told her she would not be cut-off from my kids and that if we did end-up getting D, ther would still be time for her to mend fences.

She said she understood and would resprct my wishes not to contact W.

I told her we would talk about it this weekend when we are at my mom's house.

Getting more confused.

What is there to be confused about? You W is her own person, your sister is her own person. Nothing, zero, zip, nadda, not a 2 pound terd from a hampsters tail can you do about what they do or don't do.

The only time I ever intervined with contact between (x)W and anyone in family was when everything got going with the A and (x)W was cooking up stories to validate herself to my 82 year old grandmother and it was breaking her heart. So I calmly requested that (x)W either control what she says or not contact my grandmother at all for fear of her health.

Ok guys, here is a very tough one.

I am going to see my attorney to discuss finances and all other issues to be decided on out Temporary Hearing that will determine how things will work between now and the final divorce date. Things such as living arrangements, child placement, child support, maintenance (alimony), etc.

When my W first spoke to her attorney, the attorney wanted her to request that I be ordered out of the house to live separately. My W said no, take that request out of the paperwork, because we are planning to live together for the interim because we cannot afford to live separately at this time. (Not sure how we will afford it later then either!) That position pretty much settles child placement, but there still could be money transfer issues, I don't know at this point.

When I told her that she needs to go back to work full-time now, she said, "I can't go back to work full-time right now." I asked Why not? She said, "Because there are no full-time positions available (for her current position in our immediate area) and I am going to need to be here for the kids." I said, "We are both going to need to be here for the kids." When I mentioned this to my attorney, she said, "then your W can go out and get a part-time job to supplement her income!" I really hope the judge orders that or at least bases any payments on the income she could earn working full-time.

At the moment, I am thinking, if she really wants a D, then why don't we set this up like is would/could look after the D is final?

Depending upon what the court rules for child placement, likely 50%/50%, it is possible that I may be able to afford to buy her out and stay in the family residence. I believe that it is extremely unlikely that she could afford to stay there, barring extreme unforseen circumstances.

So, should I have my attorney ask the court to order my W out of the house, set-up placement of the children and financial payments as they might look at the end of this thing? Or is it too harsh to push her out like that? There is no guarantee that the court would order it, and I will discuss this with my attorney tomorrow, but I was hoping for your guys thought on this.

This seems pretty ruthless to me, but I can be ruthless if I have to. She says this is what she wants, right? She just doesn't want it RIGHT NOW. She wants it on her terms and for me to make it possible for her to ease into it and to have it all her way! BS. I almost can't believe that I just typed that.

Or, is it better for rebuilding the relationship to keep her at home?

Big step here........

Dan,

This is the part where you're really gonna need to listen.

When you enter those doors to that court room, this no longer becomes the breakdown of a lost love, it's a full on business transaction. Your heart and feelings for her have no place in it, beause I will guarentee you, hers won't be.

Who said having you removed from the house is stricken from the docket? Her??? BLAH!!!!

Guess what buddy? You have a job, she doesn't. How is she gonna support herself? Why do you think she won't get a job?

Ummm, no job, no income. Which means no possibility to get a place of her own. Guess who's leaving now? Ohh, and while you're at it thinking about it, where will that put YOU since YOU made the initial request and didn't back itup that she leave?

I'm telling you, it gets nasty from here.

She already has her own little inner voice asking her "how am I going to do this, how am I going to live, but I can't live like THIS anymore". And like I said, couple that with an attorney, well, like the miranda goes, any thing you say CAN and WILL be used againt YOU in a court of law.