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My son came back fro Iraq a changed man. He has seen and experienced the horrow of war and it was apparent on his mid tour homecoming party. My wife was very happy the days prior to his arrival.. She became upset when she learned my mother was going to attend the party. In some ways I feel we connect and other times we are back to square one. My wife keeps telling me I have not changed but people who know me say I have and that I am a great person. My wife is going through the mid life crisis syndrome so it is tough to know how to handle her. I still do love her but she keeps saying she wants out of the marriage. She has not left the house and quite honestly I doubt she will. She will hear about the Dental Hygiene program in 2 weeks. We went out to dinner last night with my son and girlfriend. My wife told me this morning not to read into it as it was for our son and not me. Needless to say I am hurt and tired of this emotional rollacoaster. Any words of encouragement? Bobby O

Well, that hardly seemed neccessary, did it? And yet... I have heard the exact same thing many times.

In my dating days, I would have answered, "Don't flatter yourself", and there would have been no next date for that one.

Don't do that though. I am a semi-expert on what not to do.

I wonder if making a joke out of it would work better? Something like, "Dang, and I was hoping to get lucky tonight--big smile".

Don't do that either unless somebody smarter than me says it is OK.

The saga continues. Brian is now in Iraq and my wife waited a full 2 days after her acceptance letter to tell me she was accepted into the Dental Hygiene program. She made the statement give me my money and I will move out. The old story of be careful what you wish for may really come true. I told my wife fine I will have the lawyer draw up the papers and I will be done with you. I told her she was a liability and not an asset to me. She immediately back peddled and said she still needs to live in the house as she will not be able to work and go to school. I said to her that hat was not my proble. She has been stringing me on for nine months and quiote honestly I am tired of her behavior. I called the lawyer and waiting for the call back. She said if she moves out she will never come back to me. I responded maybe it is I who will not take you back. Any words out there. Bobby O

Well, Tired of being ignored and treated like I am a nothing. Told wife that if we are not reconcilling then I am filing for divorce tomorrow. I told her this has been eight months of hell and now I must move on with my life. She has one year to figure it out. Bobby O

Today I called the lawyer and have decided to file. Nothing seems to get my wife attention. This was the hardest phone call I ever had to make.I guess destiny will determine what happens next. Bobby O

I told my wife today that I filed for divorce and she should be served in few days. I think she thought I was bluffing. She is worried about financial support. Ironically we spoke more about our issues than we did in 9 months. I hope she comes around. I would take her back but she has to get counceling and try. Will see. Bobby O

I hope for you sake this is the wake up call she needs and she is willing to go to counseling.

It has been interesting at best. My wife I believe has new respect because I followed through on the ultimatum. If her lawyer is any good he would suggest counceling after 26 years of marriage. She would look weak in front of the court with constructive desertion over her head. I told her the door is a crack open and she has the power to do what she feels is right. I told her she would need to leave the house as I bought out the equity of her portion of the home. This upset her field of dreams because she starts school in less than 6 weeks and she has a lot of running around to do. I do hope and pray that this tough love brings us together and we can move in a better direction until God calls us. I do love her and always will. Bobby o

When I got home yesterday my wife appeared angry. I dont know if she received the paperwork but my guess is that she did. All I can do now is wait and see what happens. I am hoping she will consider counceling. Divorce is a last resort but she needs to come to the table. Will continue topray. Bob

Bobby, You are OK just stop telling her the door is open. She knows it. Let the brutal reality of D sink in on her all the while you go about your business.

Cheers