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Knittedscarf--your post is mean, ugly, and disrespectful.

It's OK - knitted is pretty passionate about my situation; I take no offense at all. Often she raises some good points.

To address your concerns knitted, my kids are NOT being given the choice of which church to attend. They ARE being given the choice of whether or not they would like to attend my W's church IN ADDITION to their catholic obligation. What got me so upset on Sunday was that my W was going to take the kids to her church and keep them so that they would miss Sunday mass.

The catholic upbringing is non-negotiable in my mind. If my kids want to choose their own faith when they are 18, so be it, just like you say, knitted. But they do not have a choice until then.

However there is nothing in the catholic doctrine that prevents children from learning about their non-catholic parent's denomination. As long as they uphold their catholic obligations. I don't have a problem with it. As I've said many times, not a single leader or influential person from my W's church who knows about our situation condones my W's behavior.

I didn't invite my W to spend our daughter's birthday with us so that I could tell her "Look I'm a good Christian". I would never do that. I'm just trying to lead by example. Showing her that even though she infuriated me on Sunday, I still am willing to treat her with kindness. It will be ironic that she felt uncomfortable enough with me on Sunday to have a church worker witness our interaction, yet she will come to my house and have dinner with me tonight. Maybe someday she will ponder how my actions were 180 degrees off from hers and it will wake her up a little bit.

Journaling:

It was a great day yesterday celebrating my daughter's birthday. We did a lot of running around so it was quite busy.

W came to the house and we all went to Toy Story 3. Then came back and had dinner and cake.

All in all a very pleasant scene with the whole family together. Although I noted to myself that this is likely the last time we celebrate any birthday together as a family, I didn't dwell on it. Getting sentimental is just counterproductive. While I'd love to have an intact family, I was reminded by a comment or two how I don't want to be around the person my W is right now.

At the end of the evening my W thanked me for inviting her to celebrate with us. "It was very nice, and unexpected."

She figured I would celebrate the birthday without her, as she had planned to do a celebration today at the inlaws.

I just said "You're welcome." Noting more.

Quite a change from Sunday's interaction, but I am really viewing her as a crazy person now. I expect random moods, snippy comments, and zero reciprocation on kindness. Almost like spinning the big Price is Right wheel and rolling with whatever pops up.

She came over to pick up the kids today as we were just about to sit down for lunch. I asked if she'd like to eat with us and she accepted. Another flashback to happier days, but I just take 'em for what they are - a nice piece of candy that quickly dissolves.

Finished the bulk of my L's initial questionnaire, just have to attach some copies of documents and mail it back, which I will do this week.

[quote=pigskin]Thanks for the comments, 25.

I honestly believe that my ordeal has made me a better person in many ways. Primarily, it has completely reawakened me in my faith, and there is no going back. For that, I am extremely grateful, as now I feel I am finally "walking the talk".

Secondly, it has made me realize how important it is to nurture a marriage relationship, to share feelings, and communicate.

I have no question that if I were to ever marry again, I would be much better "armed".

As far as the annulment goes, my pastor has confidence it would not be an issue for mine to go through. Now whether that is due to lax standards or the validity of my case, I don't know.

I have read passages in the bible and also in the catechism of the catholic church that address "abandonment" of a spouse who is adhering to the marriage covenant, and how there are allowances for remarriage in those cases.

It's common sense, as well. If you are honoring your marriage vows and your spouse walks away, it seems ridiculous to be barred from marrying someone else. I can't imagine the church would say, "tough luck pal." [/quote]

my point exactly.
Good luck,
J-

I've always found that taking advice from people who are actually doing the work on their own end & growing--not existing solely to point out inadequacies in others and offer zero constructive criticism or help is the best bet.

Just sayin'



That said...

Your kids are young enough that which church they go to isn't going to matter that much *in the respect that* they are really too young to fully understand the tenets of any given religion. They can listen to what they are told and often repeat it with great precision. But understanding *why* they believe the way they do doesn't come for awhile.

That is a journey they are going to have to take on their own. Even if they are raised Catholic doesn't mean they are going to choose this religion when they are adults.

You can lead them down any path, you can't make them choose that particular road. kwim?

In the end it is watching you, the man, and how you handle yourself during these times that will help them decide what kind of person they want to become. Be the example you want them to follow.

After all, Jesus didn't stand in the middle of the square and demand that people follow Him, did He?

I love this saying...

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian (or a Catholic) any more than standing in the garage makes you a car."


Leave the sanctimonious know-it-alls to toot their own hatefilled little horn.

You can do what's right instead of just being right.

Good luck, my friend.

You are doing well.

As always, thanks 25. And thanks for stopping by, beingreal. I appreciate the comments.

Sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing.

I admire your ability to stay civil with this "crazy" person. It's the right thing to do.

I am still trying but feel as if I'm running out of steam. She won't leave because she has no where to go. I won't leave because it's not the right thing to do. I may be making more progress that I realize expect big improvements. Things have improved somewhat. She still talks the D talk but is shocked that I went to consult a L. Why would she be surprised? IDK but I am wearing out.

I'm glad you are at peace with things and realize that you will be a better person after this is all behind you.

Thanks for your support. I still need it from everyone.

My STBXW has been nice lately too. I am not sure what I think about it either

Funny how you get used to the darnedest nasty things, and then... when they are nice, you are still expecting the other shoe to drop.

[/quote=pigskin]
I honestly believe that my ordeal has made me a better person in many ways. Primarily, it has completely reawakened me in my faith, and there is no going back. For that, I am extremely grateful, as now I feel I am finally "walking the talk".

Secondly, it has made me realize how important it is to nurture a marriage relationship, to share feelings, and communicate.

I have no question that if I were to ever marry again, I would be much better "armed".

(/quote]

I feel exactly the same on this. I feel i'm so much closer to God because of my ordeal. Sometime i feel perhaps it's part of God's plan for me, and I feel at peace with my sitch. Because if it's God's plan, it will be perfect for me, even though i don't know what is is yet. I just have to trust. God is good and he works for the good of those who loves him.

I agree with one of the other poster who said your W and OM have no idea what Christianity is about. You might want to tell your W that adultery is a sin, and therefore God cannot have brought OM into her life so she can commmit a sin. God doesn't make us sin, only the devil does.