My H is living who knows where. He likes to be able to hang out with daughter in our home. He has next week off and was really hoping I would leave to go see my mom so he could stay with dd in our home. I said no way. You can come pick her up and then drop her back off. If you want her for the week you will have to find somewhere to take her. Told him it might be time for him to get an apt. because for my mental health I needed my own space at this time given his choices. Can't have continuing contact with him while A is going on. This may have the effect of "raising the bottom" because it makes him face the reality of what a divorce will be like. Also prevents cake eating with getting affair life and home life. But, I don't really wanted my dd trotted thru all his single friends' homes - not that I object to any of them, per se, but it stinks for her. I think I am going to tell him that he needs to disclose where he is taking her and it needs to be a suitable environment for a young girl.
I think you need to discuss this with his parents... I would not send it behind their back or they may turn on you... your call there, but I think you being honest with them
SOrry Mom and Dad, our guy has put me in an awful position here and I dont' have much alternative other than to report what he's donig to his superiors at work. He won't cooperate and I have a family to protect. I am aiming to end the affair and expose OW who is the source of the problem. I want you to know I don't want our guy hit in the crossfire, but I can't promise you exactly what will happen. I am trying for minimal casualties on his end, honest I am...
So at least they have a heads up... but make sure they don't reveal this to him or he will act on you first.. you dont want your H to get any warning... his parents if they are in your support group should be kept in the loop... but if you think they may warn him...
Might I just add we don't have $$ for him to get his own apt, so he would have to make some rough financial decisions to make it work [Further violating his core principals because this is a man that values a balanced budget, money in the bank, and good credit]. Also, it just so happens that all savings are in my name only so don't think he can draw on that. He'd have to drain our checking and watch my daughter's school tuition bounce when they tried to debit her monthly tuition next week.
What your H will do most likley if he finds out you are going to expose is he will start telling everyone at work you are having mental problems or something like that.. And that you may try to contact management with some crazy stories.. He will WARN those managers to IGNORE YOU
This is why you dont' want to give your H any warning.. etiher by his parents warning him or by ccing him... He could get to the mgrs before they get to their email... you don't want your H to KNOW that you are exposing.. you want the exposure TARGETS to deal with him for him to find out...
This is also a great way for YOU to find out that they DID something about it... HE will CALL you and BLAST YOU.. be ready for it
Be ready for a backlash if you expose.. protect your $$ and yourself.. addictions can get very nasty when they are violated like this.. but its the best way to put the fire out
I do think if your H takes your DD he has to tell you were he's staying, I am not a lawyer, but I would think that would be a legal requirement otherwise it woudl be kidnapping woudl it not?
My own mom thinks telling his work is extreme, and she'd like to cut his -------- off. I think his parents would try to talk me down, but would deal with it if I said: I did x because y. Don't think they'd support him. They've expressed that it is very important to them to maintain R with my daughter and me - dad is trying to get me to come over for weekly dinners with dd, he offered me their extra house in the area if I just needed to get out of family home, etc. His mom said she thinks something is wrong with H's head. In my gut I feel that they will not side with H even if they wish I hadn't contact his job.
