It is maddening, isn't it? The logic, the excuses, the rationalizations change from one moment to the next with no rhyme or reason underlying any of them. I guess it all points pretty clearly to the fact that the WAS is thinking of no one but herself/himself and is in an entirely bleeped-up state of mind.
So why do you guys keep thinking the same way? Your "logic" won't work on their "logic" yet we keep trying to put the round peg in a square hole. Once your learn why and how a WAW thinks and feels then you have the playbook. Listen to Sandi and Greek, they know of what they speak.
Or in the immortal words of Carl Spackler, " I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days."
Become a Cat Whisperer. You guys are dogs, learn the ways of the cat.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You know, this is actually what I told our worthless MC in one of our joint sessions. "I feel like in order to win back her feelings for me, I have to lose my feelings for her (detach), but I am afraid if I get to that point, there may be no coming back." I was scared of where this would end up, si then I pursued her heavily for 5 months until she filed for D. I wish I would have found this site back then. All I had were touchy feely books at the time.
One more question? Is it ok for my sister to approach her as a friend then? Or is that kind of like cake eating, where she gets all the good stuff on both sides?
Thanks again to all for your insights. You truly are an amazing bunch of people and I will do my very best to heed all of your advice.
Wow, dday, that says so much. Really appreciate your honesty about everything ... hope your experience can provide some valuable lessons for the rest of us. Thanks.
So why do you guys keep thinking the same way? Your "logic" won't work on their "logic" yet we keep trying to put the round peg in a square hole. Once your learn why and how a WAW thinks and feels then you have the playbook. Listen to Sandi and Greek, they know of what they speak.
Coach, I really am taking all the advice to heart, believe me. No pursuing, no questions, no R talks, no calls, texts, emails, FB posts, nothing. And I'm GALing (baby steps ... it's new to me) and doing what I have to for me and the kids only.
Just have to vent occasionally here with a crowd that understands. My WAH hears none of it -- I'm letting him do his thing.
You don't have to lose your feelings if you detach. You just need to focus on yourself and kids. It is about controlling yourself because you cannot control anyone else.
Your feelings for your W will still be there. It just how you deal with them that is the point of detaching. I guess is creating certain distance to keep yourself together.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
So why do you guys keep thinking the same way? Your "logic" won't work on their "logic" yet we keep trying to put the round peg in a square hole. Once your learn why and how a WAW thinks and feels then you have the playbook. Listen to Sandi and Greek, they know of what they speak.
Coach, I really am taking all the advice to heart, believe me. No pursuing, no questions, no R talks, no calls, texts, emails, FB posts, nothing. And I'm GALing (baby steps ... it's new to me) and doing what I have to for me and the kids only.
Just have to vent occasionally here with a crowd that understands. My WAH hears none of it -- I'm letting him do his thing.
I understand the venting. Detaching helps you see the problem from a new perpspective. This in turn helped me see solutions.
Einstein: " We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Said few words to W yesterday morning in the kitchen. She went back upstairs to continue getting ready for work with bathroom door shut. D was still asleep in bed when I left for work, so I only got to say goodbye to S. Didn't say anyting to W as the door was closed.
Didn't hear anything from W or anyone all day. W worked a full day yesterday and today too.
Texted D's phone that I had softball and wouldn't see her until tomorrow, be good for Mom, etc.....
Went to softball game after work and called D & S after to talk to them a bit. Didn't speak to W, just the kids.
Went out with the team after the game and had a couple beers - even though I am not supposed to. I did know that I wouldn't be seeing W since she would be in bed when I got home, so I thought it would be ok. No problems.
Got ready this am and W was in kitchen when I came down. She asked me a few questions about the game. My answers were: good, no and no. Did my morning chores and said bye to D when I left for work. Everyone else upstairs with doors closed. Had to go back in for something and S was out so I said bye to him and see ya to W who was now in kitchen.
Easy not to talk when you aren't home.
Going to see kids counselor today to talk about how/what to tell the kids. I suppose we will tell them in the next few days. I know W has been wanting to tell them. I am REALLY dreading that conversation.
