I would definitely recommend Love Must be Tough by James Dobson. It's a very good book and a lifesaver for me along with DR. It talks about the importance of respect and just the right approach to being loving but tough - holding someone accountable for their actions. It is especially good on the issues of infidelity.
I wish I could offer some helpful advice in terms of specifics, but I'm not sure I'm good enough at this advice business to do that yet.
Knighted - you have had plenty of advice on your other thread you just don't like any of it. Your W is out of control and seemingly mentally ill and the courts are involved at a very serious level. Your child is in foster care due to this mess. What exactly are you looking for here?
City girl I have taken the advice. I have detached, blocked her facebook, busted her 1st affair. I have not contacted her, been collecting evidence and have OM1 W agreed to testify in a divorce case.
I have dropped the rope, let go, but I had been looking over here at this forum noticing the aggressive stance on affair busting. I had actually taken that initiative before I went dark. When I seen that she started dating again, and had OM1 W tell me to watch out, because she is trying to draw me out.
That is when I blocked facebook. But I got observing some of these threads and wondered if dropping the rope is not appropriate at this time. I have enough ammo to cause this new relationship to bust, I am wondering if I should do that.
I know WAW seems mentally ill, but well I feel she is bound to hit rock bottom sooner or later and maybe then she will seek the real help she needs.
This new OM is a real piece of crap, and well he should have never been around my DD1. That is one reason I got to thinking about busting this new affair.
She is really trying to hurt me with her vindictive ways, but I feel once the dust settles, she may come around. If she does well, I would ask her to seek help and support her with that to keep our family together.
If not well I move on. I just wanted advice on if this affair is worth busting or if there is anything else I should be doing?
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
You can't just tell an addict to seek help.. you have to go yourself to a FT and set an example.. after a few months you can have the FT invite them on a business card written by hand and name to your wife and leave the card with her...
You can't just tell her to seek help, drop that in her lap and walk away... No addict is going to act on that
Set an example, follow through, get a hand written invite for her, and otherwise live your own life and protect the family you can... She's an adult and she has to make some choices for herself... give her what she needs to GET the help then detach
FT will do you good, even if its to end a marriage or detach from a troublesome marriage... you don't need her to go, don't even ASK.. just go yourself and set an adult example
fb is blocked now completely. I do have new developments OM1 and his W called. He said there was nothing romantic going on, he said that he sees how she played him and his family and realized she is crazy.
Him and W are now going to file a terroristic threatning warrant against her. She really has been on a major path of self destruction. OM1 his W and now and even her boss will either sign affadavits and or testify on my behalf.
I feel very very sorry for W as I am detaching. I am watching my wife self destruct and I am beginning to wonder if she even really wanted to be a mother or a wife??
She is now resorted to acting out her teenage years again by going out partying, dating men, all the while making very stupid decisions that honestly benefit no one but the teenager within.
I am now at a point, where I will pull no punches. She sent me some threats, and ironically these same threats her bosses son said she told him of as well.
By scaring my dad to a heartattack, or trying to make me do something stupid etc...
Now that everyone in this mess is on my side, I am about 100 percent sure I will not lose this case.
WAW still hasnt filed and likely doesnt have the money, we go back on July 15th.
I guess my questions now are of damage control and tough love.
Do I file a mental inquest on her for the homicidal threats? Do i take it up with criminal court for breaking her Assault case no contact order?
The mental inquest could be a shot to get her some real help in a hospital?
The criminal no contact will land her in jail?
I really see no choice, as it will solidify my case for my DD1, but the mental inquest could get her some help.
I am pretty sure I need to let this go for good, but I do wish for her to be in her mothers life as long as MOM can get stable and get some real help.
Thoughts?
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
Honestly, I think it is best for you at this time to let this all go. You cannot force somebody to get help or want to be a good mother.
I certainly would talk to your attny about what is going on. Often times people who are forced to get help "play nice" with the dr's or the hospital therefore it isn't all that productive.
