Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For advice - from the other side...

Yup TWolf and she certainly didn't throw the affair in his face like he is doing now...

I am reccomending exposure much like you have done... YOu were indicating it helped move things forward with your sitaution.. you said you tried the nice guy route for a year and came up empty handed... which I am finding is common... very common

One more thing the 1, 2, and third time you cheated on your family , I bet your husband wanted to save his marrige and family,

You want to rake this man over the coals for what you did stop playing the victom.

The fact that he comes over and spends time with YOU and the son is not bad.


What does he say to you that he gets mad about.


Then what do you here?


Im not bashing you i just see things from his point of view!

TWolf, she's remorseful... He's been angry for a LONG TIME... he needs to get over it.. He's been very cruel about all of this... THAT's the problem right now ... he's acting a LOT WORSE

I do understand how cheating can hurt someone, but I do NOT support VENDICTIVE behaviour against your spouse... if he's angry he should be beating up the OM, NOT his WIFE... see?

Well if he is staying their and not taking son to apprtement.

This man has had his whole world thrown out the door.
He is hurt, angry and confussed.



Allen gave you great advice...

TWolf, how long do you put up with your spouse behaving like an a$$ and abusing you and your child becuase they are hurt?

He's been cruel like this for overa year...

WHen your wife comes back.. is that what YOU are going to do? You honeslty hvae respect for a man who's wife comes back from an affair and wastes a YEAR of his family's time acting like a two year old with a revenge affair? Seriously?

WHen your wife comes back from an affair you THANK GOD your efforts worked and they love their family and you REBUILD.. you don't run off for a year to cheat and waste your child's life acting like a miserable a$$... You act like a grown up and REPAIR the damage...

Are you gonna do this too when your wife comes back man? Neglect your son 6 days a week for a year and wave a revenge affair in your families face? Hurl abuse at a woman who came BACK to you and who is making you dinner each week trying to rebuild a family?

Is that YOU man?

Go back to her post on 5/13 and you will see what she is fighting now she said it for her self every time HER H comitted to the Marrige she would have AFAIRS again.

He is bitter and angry and hurt.

As DR.PHIL would say you kick a dog so many times his going to bite you.

He is coming to her home and taking bad to her .

What are the exact words that he is saying?

We need to know more!

I really do belive this is a diffrent DB stich!

OK, I hear both of your sides. Yes, TWolf, I know how I have hurt him. If this is what it is and this is what he communicated to me, this would feel different to me. Although this may be what it is, things have been very strange over the past year.

Anyhow, after H found out (I had slept with OM 2 or three times at that point, not a R, but an addiciton), I stopped seeing OM. After three months of H basically NC with me, talking D, etc, I felt very sorry for myself and gave in one last night with OM. I believe H knows about this.

But I do not know if he started seeing OW before that time or not, as he would not speak with me. He was telling me we were already separated and I was accepting this at that time. Up until Aug last year, he had said he would start MC with me in Aug., but had found OW by then and refused to go.

That is when I went to SEx/Love Addicts Annonymous, stopped going out, going to parties, doing theatre, worked harder on my IC, spent all my time devoted to my son and family.

Things he says? Oh gosh I tend to forget as they are so traumatizing. I"m crazy. I'm insane. I'm dangerous. I'm in my own little world. I can't keep anything together. He expects nothing except for me to be all these things. Constant criticisms about not being clean enough in the house, the food I cook is awful, my car isn't clean enough, contant nitpicky things and jabs about my sanity and inability to be in reality. CONSTANT. He swears and tells me to shut the [censored] up. I try to make myself look perfect and him bad. I manipulate him. When I"m not. Not, you manipulated me when you cheated. I am still manipulating him a year later when I'm working on trying to be the best person, mother and wife I can be.

These are not talks. These are venting, explosive, constant barrages.

And yes, before we split, he was like this. I'm not saying I was a saint. I would get hurt and lash back. We'd have big fights. I've done all I can to stop this in the past year. We have had maybe one or two of these big fights in a year. It used to be monthly. FOr instance, one mother's day, he awoke early to the cat makikng noise. I said something in my sleep, and he called me a "bitch". And rolled over and went back to sleep. Any time I spoke of my hurt by his words, I would usually get "that didn't happen. That's you making things up. That's you feeling sorry for yourself and making me look bad. You're too sensitive." He never touched me. Not a kiss hello or goodbye. No sex for the majority of our marriage. Did I say things that hurt him because I was hurt about this? Yes. I have apologized and owned this and have worked hard (still not perfect but open to hearing it) to express my hurt maturely and to take responsibility when I don't. No I am not perfect. But I feel my intention to turn this around is sincere and my desire to change myself first continues to be my focus.

So yes, it's confusing.

1.Dont let him in your home.

2. Dont talk about O/W

3. Do not bring up M/C again just brings up pain for him.

4.Make him and you go to a mediator for son for parenting time it is free the county that you live in should have a program.

5.Be dark when you are aound him.

6.Be freind to him

7. Re read the L.L.R. on A in DB

8.Act like you are moving on and get a life.

Yes TWolf, this has been suggested to me many times. THe DB coach said otherwise. I also do not wish to have my little boy's world turned upside down any more than it has been so when H comes to sleep here I am glad. Although I do not wish for him to sleep here, I do prefer S does his nighttime routine at home for his security.

I do need to show more moving on behavior. H knows I"ve been trying to reconsile the past year. I have been trying to be a friend but this is difficult with the above mentioned treatment. And going dark feels like giving up. I'm not saying you aren't right. I'm saying I'm sad and confused.

For a long time I was hesitant to show I was moving on because I wanted to show I was dedicated to righting my wrongs and fixing my M.