Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Stuck and don't know how to proceed

I agree. That's why I took a stand today. I need Allen, Puppy, Sugar and Spice, you, and everyone else on these boards...truly.

What kind of stand did you take SF???

I texted H yesterday about family dinner (my bro is in town) with my Dad and H said he had a bad day at work and was feeling anti-social so didn't want to go, but tell Dad Happy Father's Day. I responded with, "U win. I give up". I've been contemplating going dark for a while now, but as I wrote before, I was too scared to do it.

I have spent the last ten months db'ing, i.e. continuing to GAL, not pursuing, no R talk. Basically, being my usual happy-go-lucky self and I know he really likes spending time with me. He used to call me "personality plus" and I've gotten back to that and will stay there. However, I am stuck. In limbo. I want to be more than friends. I want my partner back, not a buddy. I have lots of friends already. I want love and affection.

He just texted me with something cute about baseball. I'm not going to respond. He probably thought my text yesterday was just out of anger, but it wasn't. I need to do my thing and he needs to miss me for a while. He has NEVER been without me in his corner and he needs a dose of what it will be like. If we split for good, I will not be friends with him. I can't. It would be too painful.

BINGO!

If you're "always in his corner," he has nothing to lose. If he's all alone, it will scare him and force him to act.

That's what I'm hoping to accomplish. I am the ONLY person who has always been there for him. Not his parents, not his friends, and certainly not the two OWs. We talked about that when I found out about OW2.

When H and I used to discuss his IC sessions, his IC told him that for the majority of H's life, he just bobbed along the surface, which resulted in H becoming resentful and angry towards me. H just pushed all the bad things down inside himself regarding me, his job, etc. and let it fester. IC told H that he needs to dive in and start speaking up about what he is feeling, what he wants, and learn productive ways to deal with everything life throws at him. I noticed good changes in H since last fall, but lately I feel as if he is just bobbing along the surface again. By going dark I hope that will make him think about diving in again. He needs to be pushed off the fence. Wow. Lots of metaphors in this paragraph. Ha!

Geez, I'm weak. Only two days into this and he is all I think about. I have always had my own life with lots of activities and friends. That has never been a problem for me. I miss our playful texts and going out and having fun together. We are each other's best friend. Now there is nothing. I know he needs to be pushed to act, but I feel empty. I'm not the type of person who feels sorry for themselves and today I can't help it.

Dont text him stay strong, you ar trying to save your marrige its been two years with no comitment on his part.


Like YOU YOU YOU YOU said when YOU are not their for him he comes back. YOU have to grow some back bone and learn to be the one to be in controll.

YOU have to be a "For no better words" a bitc.......Become less their for him and stay their.

Commitment is the ultimate goal, yes. For the last nine months I have tried to draw him back to me by being me. The person I love being. I didn't want him to move back in just yet, but I wanted to be a couple again. I thought we could work out a plan with the MC (his IC now) to slowly reconcile.

I figured when H realized that I am the same girl he fell in love with over 20 years ago, we could rekindle the intimacy and connection. That we would start becoming physical again (holding hands, kissing, etc.) to further reconnect the loving feelings.

Since the A with the OW2 didn't die a natural death, I feel like I'm competing with a fantasy (probably a reality in H's mind) and I can't win.

It's funny you mention control. That is something I know. I tended during the M to be controlling. In fact, years ago H told me that if I were a man, I'd have big b*lls. Ironic.

YOU NEED TO START TO ACT LIKE YOU ARE MOVING ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

You have said what happens when you do detach he comes running.

Then you fall back into your old patterens when he does show intrest in you again.

You need to gather all of YOUR STRNGTH and act like you are moving on.

At least till he gives up the O/W and makes a 100% comitment to your marrige. I.M.H.O

Did he try calling or texting you today?

Did you try calling or texting him?

The OW has been out of the picture since last fall. She will have nothing to do with him and there has been NC. I can't say how I know that, but I know it's true. She isn't the problem. She could have been anyone. It's only a guess, but H still probably carries a torch for her.

We rarely call each other. Neither of us likes to talk on the phone. We have always texted or gotten together in person. We used to email, but he now works in a place where they don't have email.

He didn't call or text me today and I didn't contact him, either.