Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Hell has frozen over.........not sure i like it??

Buffet, really tough one and I'll be watching closely. At least in a way you've already gotten what a lot of us want -- an admission the WAS was wrong.

My aunt left my uncle decades ago -- we've been talking a lot this year -- and about a year after leaving she wanted to go home. He said no. He had a new woman in his life. They are still together but never married.

It devastated my aunt, who didn't really recover for 10 years. There times together have always been strained.

I heard from a friend at work how he and his wife reunited. He was out of the house for eight months. She'd tossed him after he cheated on her. She finally allowed him back -- one night a week for the first month, then two, then three.

She wanted to see if he was really committed.

Is she still blaming OM instead of herself? That's one thing I'd be wary of. I don't know. In my case, I would want that second honeymoon -- maybe that's too much to ask.

Ohhh Buffet,

I'm going t osound like a broken record here.

I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from and the questions that taunt you.

All I can say is that ONLY YOU know your XW's sincerity. ONLY YOU will know if she truly regrets the choices she made. ONLY YOU will know if she is remorseful for the pain she has caused you, your child(ren), family and friends. ONLY YOU will know if she is truly 100% prepared to deal with the task at hand of assuring you this will NEVER happen again.

Converesly, ONLY YOU will know if you have fully accepted her poor choices and forgave her for them, as you had your hand in them as well.

Again, if everything can all be laid out on the table and discussed with no finger pointing, no blaming, no hostility, with simple honesty, no matter how hard to swallow in what you may hear, you're good to go. This will close out the past and the answers you sought for so long in others here, will come directly from her. THAT is closure in it's own right regardless if a NEW relationship is to flourish or not.

When I had that discussion, I was looking for nothing more than closure. And I got it. In doing so, I saw that look, that gleam, the connection, eye to eye that just stirred up all the butterflies in my stomach. And, I went for broke, leaned over and kissed her. Boom, done deal.

Has the last 8 months been a cake walk? Oh, no. It got pretty hairy a few times. However, all that I learned here and the changes within myself as a result perseveared. And not only did we survive those hurdles, they made us even stronger in a healthier relationship than we've EVER had.

Yes, there were and are times that the questions in my mind run amock. Nothing I can do about that. But they are getting less and less frequent, just like every other stage along the way. And soon enough, they will be a thing of the past as well. It's a progression. Just like each and every situation here. It didn't happen over night, much like any reconcilliation, just DOESN'T happen over night.

Buffet,Then make no decisions, take no action now.
Wait, watch, evaluate.

More updates----i get a text this morning at 7:00 wanting to know why i was at "her" house on Thursday and that I cannot come and go as i please, that is breaking and entering, blah blah blah.

I respondwith a text that said you better check your facts i was not at the house on Thursday.

She replies oh yes you were my mom saw you with a blue truck and you were there in the house when she drove by (i do not own a blue truck)

I than call her and ask if she is by the computer she says "yes why" very aggitated. I just say hold on a second, i than e-mail her my work intinerary and a scanned copy of a receipt from a lunch that i was at on Thursday about 2 1/2 hours away from where we live.

I tell her that again she should check her facts and that like usual her mom is trying to stir things up for no reason and that in the past whenever I have needed to go to the house for anything i had called her, why would i now "break and enter"?

She replies back a few minutes later with "I am sorry you were right, I was wrong to accuse you and I think my Mom is just trying to stir things up again"

Now that is a great response, except why did it need to happen, she automatically takes her Mom's side who is a wack-a-doo and just assumes that I am "up to something"

Afterwards she just continues on her way like nothing happened and I called her on it and she says "what's the problem, I apologized and told you that I was wrong?"............