I can't control how she feels about those situations. I can only let her stop and do what makes her feel comfortable. Here are some of the things that she has done when this happens: 1. Just lie there and have me hold her. 2. Completely withdraw into herself. 3. Lash out at me in anger. 4. Cry. There are others but these are the most frequent. Anyway, all of these have been met by me with patient support. I do whatever she asks. If she asks nothing then I hold her and tell her that everything is going to be ok. I NEVER bring this stuff up when we argue. It is her stuff to deal with, not mine to use against her. I never argue with her in the bedroom and I never bring up the "irrational" things she does. We don't argue very often anyway. Maybe once every 2 months or so. I mostly just keep my mouth shut and let her deal with what she is going through. Right now she is just afraid of what is coming so she is stalling out. She knows it and she knows that I know it, she is just hoping I will be ok with the situation the way it is (even though she knows I never will be).
The sad thing is that I know that it is only a matter of time before our relationship will end because of this. I am just waiting to see if she can beat her demons and offering support if I can. I told her that no matter what happens, I am always going to be there for her. I feel bad about lying but right now she cannot handle the truth in a healthy way. She is far too afraid of being abandoned and all too willing to "lump me in" with everyone else in her life who has abandoned her.
I have decided that I will give it a full 2 years. If she can beat this thing (or at least get us to a point where the marriage is healthy for both of us) and we can stay together, then I will be the happiest person alive. If not, then our marriage will be over and I'll still be happy but I will miss the hell out of her. I don't know how else to handle it. I refuse to live like this forever.
Hi Meat Glad to see you back on the BB. I am sure you can beat this together. I am glad your W is seeing a counsellor. Do you see a counsellor yourself (or together). I think you need to work out some kind of goals together, so you will see progress and feel something is happening even if not as fast as you might like. This is something you could talk about with counsellor. May not be online again for a while so keep up the good work and be sweet to her. Good luck!
