Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers How to tell the kids

Last resort is to stop pursuing and get a life? I haven't been saying I love you since the day she said she was going to file and I had to leave the house and we have had no physical contact whatsoever since then. Just over 2 weeks. But she is so nice to me.

Just googled it. It was RAW. Very funny, I remember it well. I like to use that quote too.

I find the "last resort" thing completely silly. How in the world does the LBS get the stance to say, this is the last resort to fix this, when the WAS has already pulled THE last resort after years of saying trouble was a brew'n?

That said,

Dan, you've exhausted everything in your arsenal? I think not. You havn't even yet discovered your most valuable weapons.

Ehhh wrong.

I think it was an EA for a while, but they said they were just sharing their problems. Both having marital issues. Met in December, not much going on until late march - mid may. then texts and call were pretty numerous. EA's wife called me and left a voice mail and then called back. I got phone records and confronted her. She said she wouldn't be calling him anymore and I don't think she has, but I don't know because she may be calling from her work phone. His wife is watching closely.

Whe she told me she was going to file, she said she had made the decision to file before I found out about the EA, but I don't know if that is really true. She was waiting for the kids to be out of school before she told me/them.

I don't think I've even come close to exhausting my arsenal yet, but I want her to know that I accept what she is saying about my prior behavior. As someone else said previously, I have to validate her feelings and I haven't yet done that in all areas. I have apologized for much, but not for being selfish, because I really didn't think I was. I put a lot of effort into making our lives better, but it was primarily at my job and earning $ so we could have a comfortable life. Now she says she doesn't care about the money, even though we spend it like pigs.

I am way too impatient. I am looking for results way too early.

Thanks all for the conversation. I have to go to a meeting for a couple of hours now and then to the Dr. I will check back in later today to see what other advice any of you are willing to share.

If I am wrong about last resort, then what is it? Didn't I say what is in the book? Be ready to move on, but I am simply not.

Bad day today.

You've apologized. Done.

The rest is about action. ACT like you get what you were doing wrong before. 180. If you were a selfish jerk before...act like a compassionate human being going forward. If you were stale and boring before....start doing things that are different and exciting. Get a bucket list and start working on it!. If you were sarcastic and biting before....soften your words. See what I mean? She is watching what you DO! Even if she insists she is not watching, she is. Geeez, women notice EVERYTHING (that's why we can be so brutal with EACH OTHER! ha!).

Have you moved out? Please say no.
Greek

Have not moved out. She is in the other bedroom. MC suggested a trial separation, but I said I didn't want to do that. Been thinking about it tho once the initial court date is past and they haven't had the court get me out of the house. That was her lawyers suggestion, but she said no.

I was thinking that may be the only way she misses me and gets enough time and space away from me. I really did smother her for 5 months.

I also thought about moving into the basement and just completely avoiding her for a while. Wouldn't even have to see me.