Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife abandoned me...Now What?

Sandi...I don't have any time to write back much at the moment, but thank you so very much for responding so quickly. I was thrown off a little last night and didn't know why I was really getting that card or what I should do about it.

I'll update more later

Well I ended up just texting a simple "Thank you, that was nice" to my wife for the card and desert she left for me.

Also I'm pretty sure she is still seeing the OM. Based on some credit card bills...looks like she may have gone to see him a couple times in the last month.

This just gets better and better. Should I confront her about the bills? Do I stick to my game plan or do I need to take some sort of action about this?

Mike,
It sure seems like you are getting played. DETACH.
Credit Card bills for an affair, you need to end that, if it is a shared account close it down.
I am a tough love advocate, so stand up for your self and get a life. Go out with your friends, have a great time. Make yourself scarce and have other things to do.

I think Sandi is right on everything. You are setting up to be the BFF, is that what you want? She is trying to placate her guilt and you are buying it.

Listen to the wisdom given to you. Be a Man.

Well I think I'm going to out the affair now to her family. Also I'm going to ask for her rings back as I obviously gave them to a different person than I thought I did. She damn well isn't going to be wearing those out on trips with the OM...or continue disgracing them while doing what she's doing. The credit card she's been using for this is hers alone...but the statements still are mailed to our house. She didn't think that one through!

I'm going to start living like she has no part in my life what so ever from here on out.

Follow Puppy's advice on exposure. Have all your intelligence backed up(build it up as long as you have the stomach for it), but do not reveal the source. You need to have it all validated by you(then rain it down completely)

Puppy's advice from the first page of my post?

I've been very thorough in collecting and saving everything I found out about the affair. She already knows everything I have...never got mad at me for snooping it out though. But all-in-all...it's very very solid info and leaves no doubt what so ever about what's going on.

Mike, you can read the step by step of exposing an A over on the Infidelity/Affair forum. You have to do it right or otherwise you will just be making things much worse. Read Allen's & Puppy's responses to the threads.

I've tried to read as much on exposure as I can. I plan to talk with her parents and sister next week. I'll talk with the understanding that I'm doing this to fight for my marriage,for the happiness of their daughter/sister, for the fact that they deserve the truth, and to discuss with them what they can do to help me fight for my marriage, and to expel the OM who is working to destroy all that we have worked for over the years.

Also just so you know, they are all very supportive of me in this already...they just don't seem to have a directive on where and how to focus their efforts especially since they don't even know what's really been going on.

After that...I'm going to go as dark as possible with the W...(not her family).

My biggest concern right now is that my wife cannot emotionally handle what she has done, and that I just found out she has been flying out to see him. I fear she will try to jump ship and push for divorce to try and escape from the painful wreck she's caused.

What can I say and do right now to prevent steps towards divorce without coming off weak and pursuing?

That's why I think Allen or Puppy could walk you through this. As Puppy would say, "You get one good shot at this" so you want to do it correctly. You are busting an affair. It may not save the M, but it will likely shoot down the secretiveness in the A.

I have confidence in them, Mike. That's why I would feel more comfortable in you seeking their advice. I'll still be here,but they are the wise ones about the A busting.

Thanks Sandi...I posted in the infidelity section asking for advice on this particular subject specifically.

The way I see it...if I just sat around and let the affair continue scott-free, then there would be absolutely no hope for us. Exposure runs a risk of making things worse yet it at least has some possibility to help crumble this relationship. It really looks like the only play I have left.

This is terrible. I feel completely crushed all over again, can't focus on anything positive...or really even get myself to my feet. I just don't know how much more of this pain I can bare. =O(