Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives The worst Father's Day ever!

No, he was normal until a few years ago. The control thing about the kids was mild to moderate but has gotten worse. He never tried to control me until recently.

He was very worried as I didn't answer my phone when D called so she called him during all this.... At first I thought about going and staying at his house but I don't want to involve his children in this. He left that decision up to me... he worked last night but he will be here tonight. He is sad and mad for the kids because he sees how good they are and how much they want a relationship with their dad.

He supports me and however I want to handle this....he is worrief for my safety and doesn't like it one bit.

Obtaining a concealed carry permit in Washington is a bit easier than Oregon. We have to demonstrate competency which ususually means taking a class. My XW was still able to get a permit easily while she was married to me. She is a good shot too. Myself? - I own no pistols. I'm more like that guy in "A Fistful of Dollars" - "When the man with the pistol meets the man with the rifle, the man with the pistol will be a dead man".

From the little bit of driving I did around Tacoma, I came to the conclusion that it was a cesspool. Fortunately, if it ever does go into all out flesh eating zombie breakout mode, the good soldiers of Fort Lewis will be right there to get it under control.

Sorry to hear that the day went South quickly. Have you asked the local police department for their take? Don't know that it would matter, just an idea.

hang in there, kat

They told me to be very wary of him. So far it's been quiet except for an email telling me he was taking me off his life insurance policy.

I have never said this before, ever, but O.M.F.G.

That is unbelievable. I really don't know what you even say about that. I am so sad for your kids. As mad and and all as you must be, any last illusions your kids had about their dad being a 'good guy' must be shattered...how does your son explain to his friends that he looks beat up bc he got in a fight with his dad?

So sorry Sandycay... ugh

Wow, has it really been almost two months since an update?

Well, the EXH didn't initiate contact but tried to friend S thru FB which I forbid him to accept.

Then EXH father made a post on his FB wall that it was a shame that a child would abandon his father. So my S and I are on EXFIL FB so we and everyone in the family got the message. I was livid as was son and daughter. S posted back on his grandfathers page a doozie:

Grandfather wrote: I have to wonder why any child would abandon their father. Dads sometimes make mistakes just like kids do. Its a give and take thing in life you dont just give up on each other. Sometimes things are not what they seem to be so you have to look around and open your eyes and heart before its to late. Believe me life will... be better down the road in life for you.

Son wrote: To post such a private family matter on a public forum is very embarrassing, rude, and inappropriate. Also, it is hurtful to hear my grandfather make such accusations without hearing my side of the story.

P.S. My dad was the one to leave, ...not me, my sister, or my mom. It wasn't me yelling "you will never get on this f***ing boat again," that morning. It wasn't my sister either. It was my father and your son. So before we make any further reckless accusations, why don't you give me a call on Saturday? This message also goes to those who have "liked" this post.


Sad my son has more since than his dad's family. The grandparents never called to check on this kids after all this. Anyway, this led to me having to call EX in july to let him know his father had done this... we had a conversation in which it was discussed that I would be open to the kids seeing him under supervision of a counselor... he agreed.

Fast forward to two weeks later and he text me to inquire about times and I told him I would need to be a part of the beginning stages of the sessions... to be able to meet counselor and because the kids wouldn't go if I didn't but I felt I could bow out of it after a few sessions... He said No... it has nothing to do with me.... which I replied back with "that's funny you always blame it on me" and proceeded to tell him we have to work together... it would be beneficial for the kids to see us working together, that we are tied together forever because of the kids and who wants to be those parents who can 't be in the same room. Seriously, I don't have any problems with what he did anymore I just can't understand his anger.... but

in his typical way to play the victim because I want to be a part of family counseling with me kids (crazy right) he won't do it now. His choice ... he then threatened me with taking me to court.... and I would have to pay the fees and the judge would ban me from the counseling.... I said please do this... becuase the social workers, judges, and attorneys I have consulted with say that what I am asking to do with you is very resonable given your behavior with the children and lack of involvement.

He quit texting called me , we argued over it, and we hung up and I haven't heard from him again... in 3 weeks.

Sad for the kids though.

FFG and I are doing ok. This incident changed things a little bit. It became apparent that we were spending way to much time together.. (co dependent)and we are trying to get back to where we were post my leg incident. Kinda fell into a habit as he was here helping me out. Us trying to see each other everyday (mainly him here) didn't leave him much time for FFG. When he works I would get sandycay time...not fair to him but we fell into it. So, it is nice to be able to see that and work on it and talk about.

FWIW~ it manifested in a pull back from him, but thanks to DB I knew how to handle it and I know if "he's just not that into me" then so be it..... we are both good people and if it works it works and if it doesn't.... I'll eat lots of ice cream, think about the good stuff and move on.

I've been reading along.... just to busy to post.

First! Do I get a margarita?

Seriously, what a mess. My mom's family does a lot of manipulating via FB, seems messed up to me to use a public forum for private family stuff.

I hear you on the FFG thing. I recognize I have some codependent tendencies and I think sometimes I worry more about finding the 'right' one than I do the 'wrong' one when it comes to dating! BC I am not sure I can handle a serious relationship yet without giving up too much of myself. That says a lot I suppose!

You are right, if it doesn't work out you know how to handle that. But I hope things just continue to progress on a pace you both feel comfortable with.

I am sorry to hear that XH and XFIL continue to be donkeys. From my own personal experience with donkeys...Dont feed them any carrots and they will leave you alone.

Some time apart with FFG may be a blessing in disguise. It will give both of you time to think about how happy you really are with each other.

BTW... FFG must work out as his biceps look massive in the rafting pictures. I sure he would have no problem corraling donkeys.

Yes, my friend brought up the whole co-dependency thing to me. Taken me a few weeks to really monitor myself with some things.... (even down to s-e-x).... so I am going to go get a book and read it.... keep it in check.

When you have shared almost 20 years with someone... some patterns are hard to break and what works in a marriage does not work in a dating relationship.

Lesson learned.