Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC with a side of infidelity

Thanks OP!

Hey TG...I thought maybe you were stepping into OP's shoes since he is not on here as much! Hey, we tried!

Im thinking OM has foundd me on these boards. I will have to lurk a while and try to gain insight that way. She hit me with big D discussion, not a good thing.
One day at a time, I guess.

That stinks, sorry to hear. Lurk and learn. My H had an EA 5 years ago also and now is in MLC... something to think about, I believe he had started in MLC back then and I stopped him. He was so scared of losing me - and now he has had 5 years to get used to the idea.

Ahhh what makes you think that?

She wanted to talk last night when I got home from work. She was pretty mad after finding VOR snooping device, but couldn’t argue the fact that I used it to try to get some truth, because everything she has said for the last month has been lies to cover the A. She immediately calmed down, and got to the heart of the matter.
She wrote a note explaining that she was going to file for D, so she could stop the lying and the hurting. She said she will cooperate so we don’t go bankrupt. She says I deserve to be loved more deeply than she can. She says she has tried and prayed and it’s just not there, and no amount of counseling will help(never tried). “please just let me go so we can both have a chance to find some sort of peace from within”.
I talked with her about separating instead, so as not to cause undue damage to the M, family, and kids from issues that can be resolved. I told her that I didn’t want to pressure her in any direction, and that I felt that she should try not to let the pressure from OM to kill our M effect her either. We ended with her saying she couldn’t talk about it now, she had a lot to think about. I know she went to lawyer, and he is drawing up some stuff for her to sign tomorrow or Thursday. I was hoping our talk would help some, but her BF told me that when they were at coffee today that W seemed pretty adamant about her decision.
So here I sit, feeling like a sitting duck, just waiting for the hunters to show up, I’m thinking I will be served some time in the next week, and then have to start that nightmare process.
She has turned her back and is running from everything she knows, me, our families, her faith, and I’m thinking at some point soon her job, so as to take one closer to OM house(over 1 hour away). He is the only person she feels she can turn to at this point.
I hope you guys will help me through all this, I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I have to for my DD’s sake.

So I guess I’m looking for someone to tell me what to do? Do I just keep being nice, and walk through the amicable steps of a D with her? Do I drag my feet? Do I fight it much(worried about effect on kids)?

She is still in the house, and wants to tell kids ASAP. They are out of school now, so I told her we can tell 14 year old tonight or probably tomorrow night, so as to not scar father’s day for her. Then when the 8 yr old gets back from camping with my bro, we need to tell her some how.

Any words of advice on how to tell an 8 year old that your getting a D? (it’s going to destroy her )

Also – what are your thoughts on me scolding W for taking 14 yr old to concert where OM was also present?

She wants BOTH OF US TOGETHER to tell DD's that we are going to get a D. What do I say to that?

(((optimust)))

The advice I was given was to let your W tell the kids that she wants a D...if this is not what you want, it is ok to tell them that YOU do not want a divorce...I can't help you with the wording. If you google "how to tell kida about divorce" you can find a lot of info.

Sorry you are going thru this. I got stuck telling my kids myself...

As far as the concert, all you can do is ask your W to respect you and not do it again. Unfortunately, there is probably not a law against that!

Ok, I didn't make myself clear...yes, you should tell the kids together, but it is ok to tell them it is not what you want...