Actually, many years ago, they were referred to as "pod people" in the alien world. They do become totally alien to us because they are exposing their exact opposites.
Even though he may marry to the ow, you still would like to better understand the flipping of the switch. Even though my xh married the ow, it was very helpful to understand some of what he did during that period of his life.
Knowledge is power and the more you learn, the more you will better understand the crisis.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You're not alone. After all this time of lurking, I think I might finally post my own thread. You've inspired me to share! Maybe we can help each other through this.
NM... uncertainty!!! I dont understand at all!!!!!!!! Do they just take a leap of faith and hope that D is the righ decision... and if not then what?!?!?!!?
BD- Yeah. I am wrestling with the fact that he admitted his uncertainty but thinks this is the right thing to do. Still, he is doing it. So I must force myself to accept it and proceed accordingly. Again, it is selfish of him to tell me that. He must have said it about 3 times on Friday night. Holy crap- I married a "fixer upper"- a "project!" I had no idea! He is just taking that leap of faith and sabotaging his life.
"listen all y'all this is SABOTAGE!"
gabbysmom, sorry to hear you are still struggling! But you do sound less "foggy" than I am right now so I see that as progress, don't you? So yes, my goal is to focus on my son and me and not stbxh. I hope the evidence will be posted here in the thread-if I don't let myself write about him then I won't be thinking about him, right?
The only problem is that when I have to do things that relate to divorce, it does make me think of him so I will have to think of him sometimes.
But...today I focused on ideas for setting up my classroom in the fall and ordered some things. (One is a set of "fortune tellers" with questions that the kids can use to "get to know each other!" they will love them and I bet during Fun Friday they will be making them.)
S and I played catch- he can throw a ball now! He also loves to attack pillows and me, when I am lying on the floor!
Tonight I will be watching some shows I recorded, like "Leverage" and "Top Chef!"
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I just read some of your sitch, and it completely stinks, but you really do have a handle on things.
The most important thing to do is stay busy and focus on S. It is a lot harder to deal with things in the summer when you have time off from work, but continue to do what you are planning and I believe you will be doing awesome in no time.
With S, look forward to the next year. I think the 2nd year has been my favorite with my S. I loved watching him learn and problem solve, maybe being a teacher myself made it even more fun. Plus I think this is the age where you really get to see his personality shape and that is so fun!
Enjoy your summer and have fun with S because as you know, once school starts...you will be busy.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Citygirl-I am glad you understand that our Hs are being selfish and acting badly but are not evil (just like I hate to say that I know OW is not EVeeel but it makes me feel better to think she is). At this point, would you prefer to be divorced from your H instead of having to wait until November? Sorry to hear you have Lupus. I learned a little about that autoimmune disease when I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I hope you have some good treatment/management in place to help you!
I used to really regret agreeing to this legal separation but I am trying not to live with regret as it is what it is. Our case was complicated as I live in a "fault" state and there were many, many particulars. When my H first left me I asked for a legal separation that he declined and went right to the divorce. Fine. Our case lasted 24 months and a few days before the trial was set to start he asked me for the separation instead of the divorce. Lots more happened but that is it in a nutshell. My H actually petitioned the courts for our legal separation to last until Nov. 19, 2013 but I do have the option to file after Nov. 19th this year.
I know a big part of the reason he wanted such a lengthy separation was for health insurance purposes. As long as we are legally separated I can stay on his work insurance. If I divorce him he will have to pay for my insurance out of pocket. For now it is a practical matter to me. I haven't really decided what I will do come Nov.
Yes, lupus is a very difficult disease to live with. I am sorry you have RA which I also know can be tough. I get labs every four weeks, seem rheumatologist every four weeks and my nephrologist every eight weeks in addition to taking two cocktails of medication each day. I do my best!
Oh, I forgot to mention something... you said you were looking for a filling for your cake.
I tried this the other day and it was very good. Take a box of instant vanilla pudding and mix it with sour cream and milk. Then blend fresh raspberries in the mixture and use it to "fill" the layers between the cake. I spread a very thin layer of raspberry preserves before the filling so it would have something to stick to.
It goes good with butter cream (IMO) as it is not too sweet. I also think this would be good with blueberries or blackberries.
and another thing--I feel like I don't have the option to sit around as long as I need to "heal" before dating. I guess because if I figure if I meet a good guy before my son is like 4 or 5, it will be easier for my son to accept him.
Pfft. Too needy. You're going to wind up with another jerk most likely if you hold onto this sense of urgency.
^^^This^^^^ Bingo.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
