my son hates exercise but actually agreed to taekwondo classes, if possible how about the three of you go? my cousin would go with her 2 boys. It's hard to feed healthy stuff to the kids with all the fast food stuff right in front of their eyes, but stay firm and keep yogurt and cheese sticks at home for snacks, makes them smoothies with frozen fruit and yogurt, stuff like that.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
On the topic of diet and exercise, controlling caloric intake versus cardiovascular activity, I've always believed in moderation as a sound policy for one's conduct, even in those times that I have inadvertently strayed from that. As they say, too much of a good thing...
Oh, that reminds me -- gotta' let the xW know the appointment time for S9 and S5's dental check-ups next month. As much sugar as she feeds them I don't want to think how many cavities they might be looking at this time.
...
On another note, Father's Day is Sunday. This year it falls during xW's week of custody -- and so she has been pressing me for information on what I want to do with that day, if I am expecting the whole day or not. She also tried last night, during the nightly call that our S's have with the other parent, to engage me in this conversation via S9 -- thus, again, using our S's to be the go-between in passing her messages to me. I replied, at first, that I was flexible and would leave much of the decision making to the boys, but that's never enough for her: she wanted more details -- I eventually told her to just email me.
I wish she would learn to leave the boys out of it.
I gathered in her correspondence with S9 and S5 that the reason she wants to press this issue and get an answer is because she wants to be able to reclaim some of the day for herself. And the reason she wants so badly for this on this day is because she is planning to take our S's over to the OM's parents place to celebrate Father's Day with them. As if Jabba-the-Hutt's parents are to mean more to S9 and S5 on this day than their very own father.
I know that's how she's thinking, because I know her all too well. I could hear it in the near-desperate edge to her voice as she spoke with our S's, trying to charge them up about the father of her current H, the A co-conspirator.
That, on my own account, doesn't bother me nearly as much as it probably should. The thought I did have at that moment was that in seeing all this activity and behavior on their part (xW's and OM's) these last few months to now treat OM's parents as if they were actual, bona fide grand-parents to my S's, is that my own mother -- a far, far better role model and a much more honest and loving human being -- does not get to enjoy such regular exposure to her own flesh-and-blood grandchildren when they do. I am saddened for my Mom's sake more so than my own.
Life is just not fair. I know that.
As for Father's Day, by the terms of our consent order, the custody for Mother's Day/Father's Days each begin at 8 AM and end at 7 PM. I know xW knows this, but she's playing dumb in hopes that I would yield to her enough of the day to overshadow my portion thereof, if she can, through her H's parents. But still I replied to her latest email and told her that as long as the boys and I had enough time to celebrate (through dinner, activities and entertainment) I was amenable to taking whatever time was actually necessary -- and it depended on what my S's and I decided together to do on Sunday, however long they felt we needed. (I'm thinking dinner and some form of entertainment -- and amusement park, or a movie.) It might not require the entire 11 hour period.
We shall see. I suspect xW will be upset that I am again "interfering" with her plans during "her" day of custody. Just like last year and the year before. Begrudging that I should ever be allowed to celebrate Father's Day on my own behalf. It's painfully obvious she has that much hatred in her for me.
While I muse about it here now in this thread, I am uncharacteristically unconcerned, either way, if she is inconvenienced or not. I just wanted to record this for myself and everyone here in DB.
If anyone has any thoughts, however, I'd be curious to hear them.
Just tell her you want the full time you are "allowed" that day, end of story. Quit sweating it. Quit worrying about her plots and plans because really you are giving her way too much power in your life.
You will be surprised how happy you begin to feel once you do this. Honestly.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Point taken, Kat. But it's not like that, not exactly. I may have not expressed this correctly.
I am remarking more than anything at how mundane it all is. And aside from that brief sting I felt at what my mom loses in this, my reaction to xW is getting to be merely matter-of-fact. I don't know if that is good or bad.
My thoughts and feelings about her antics have somehow become like responding to the other "noise" in life -- or it's at least approaching it. I feel resigned to the fact that this is just the way it's going to be with xW, from now on. She's become a constant even in how frequently she wants to throw a monkey-wrench into things, and all her vain attempts to wrest control to herself of anything she can. I am taking this pretty much in stride, like taxes and storm clouds. That's what is now different about it.
I recount this new twist in her drama as just another boring episode in her never-ending series -- but it is the inaneness of it all that I find curious. Paradoxically. Do you know what I mean?
Gee, maybe I'm starting to turn the corner. The third anniversary of the bomb came (Tuesday) and went with little impact. I barely remembered -- but then again I was out of town on business and that might be more the reason. Being so darn busy has kept me preoccupied with other things.
But its the weekend now, and I have a little time to reflect. I'm missing my S's tonight, again. They're with their mother this weekend -- when I called she was driving them out to OM's place. To see the new treehouse they built for the boys on his property. That's just a twisting of the knife in the back -- she's making good on her promise she made to our S's over three years ago, behind my very back, to give them a home out in the country ...with that @#*&( ! treehouse. (Always that treehouse. She is relentless in getting what she wants.)
(I know it's uncharitable of me, but would it be wrong of me to imagine if she were to slip and fall out of the tree when she attempts to climb it herself? ................................. J-K ...sorta'.)
No, I want my children to have the things they really want and need in life. I just know this is more her dream than theirs. I'm not fooled (anymore) by her.
I am expecting to take my S's the full day on Sunday, but xW is still trying to weedle some of it back. I'm not caving if that's what she's hoping for. On the other hand, my employer is actually expecting me to work from home on Sunday morning because of the project I'm on. (I'm asking myself who the H*ll schedules a major install on Father's Day?!?!) So I expect xW will bad-mouth me if I have to work the first few hours of my custody with S's. To top that off, S9 is parroting his mother now, saying we shouldn't have to go to Church or Sunday School on Sunday -- and that just going outdoors in the sunshine is "all the communing with God that is necessary".
And my having to work the first part of the morning just puts me in the predicament of looking contradictory.
Am I expecting too much? I don't think so. I just want a normal life, but this two-household conflict is insane. I keep wondering why so many people like myself have to find themselves dragged into this situation, a situation not really of their own making and certainly not one they bargained for. Yeah, I know the answer to that, but it still seems so darn senseless. We, as human beings, just can't seem to learn from the mistakes of the past, whether of those who've gone before us or of our own.
Ah, well, I must have too much time on my hands to again be pondering such things. So I'll leave these musings here for now.
Am I expecting too much? I don't think so. I just want a normal life, but this two-household conflict is insane. I keep wondering why so many people like myself have to find themselves dragged into this situation, a situation not really of their own making and certainly not one they bargained for. Yeah, I know the answer to that, but it still seems so darn senseless. We, as human beings, just can't seem to learn from the mistakes of the past, whether of those who've gone before us or of our own.
Yes, it's insane....but it's our reality. And we have to deal with it the best we can.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
she is against you taking them to church? how crazy is this woman?! yikes... tell your son that the Lord wrote with his own finger to keep His day on the 10 commandments, that it is a sign, a seal between God and his people when we come to worship on that day, that it is his holy day where he rests and wants us all to worship in his house.
patience vibes your way NC)))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
...trying to be good myself, my kids love sugar with a vengance... I've stopped buying gushers after my d7 got 6 cavities..ick!
................................. 