I just did a pretty horrible thing and basically lost totaly control of my emotions and said some pretty horrible things to her over instant messenger.
Dammit.
I apologized to her for losing my cool, but I think she is extremely upset now.
I still want to meet tomorrow, but I dont think she cares anymore.
I have no idea if she is still seeing this other guy or not. She said she isnt, but her actions today make me think that was a lie.
k - do not let the emotions take control, i know how hard it is. I survived each day early on by "embracing the suck". At some point you will have to show her no matter what happens between you two - seperate or stay together - that K is going to be fine and a better person.
there are time to let the emotions out so they don't consume you - but to get to that better place for yourself you have to check them when dealing with her.
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Embrace the suck is right. It is time to retreat again. Go back to Dark and GAL.
I think she meant what she said at the time she asked if you could try, but as long as OM is still even lurking about and I suspect he is and he knows tomorrow was the "talk". I also think that she wants to make sure that you are still an option while she decides what it is she wants, because lets face it...she has no clue. She is in the fog and totally addicted to the juice the OM gives her ego, but she isn't willing to let you go so she will keep giving you just enough to keep you around.
It sucks and the push-me/pull-you that they do is gut wrenching, so do yourself a favor and remove yourself from it for a while.
I wish I had better advice but for right now, I would hunker down and do my thing for me and let her do hers without you. Let her live her choices.
((((hugs))))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Her and I are still chatting, and have calmed down a bit.
She said she understood why I flipped out like that, and she said she was just waiting for it.
She apologized for how much pain she has caused me, and even said she feels better now after i went off on her because she felt like I was holding it in and she didnt want that.
I also think that she wants to make sure that you are still an option while she decides what it is she wants, because lets face it...she has no clue. She is in the fog and totally addicted to the juice the OM gives her ego, but she isn't willing to let you go so she will keep giving you just enough to keep you around.
then this
Quote:
She apologized for how much pain she has caused me, and even said she feels better now after i went off on her because she felt like I was holding it in and she didnt want that.
see the connection that Sugar was trying to show you? kind of like tossing you a bone don't ya think?
you have calmed down - remain calm.
got to work for a bit will check back when i get more time.
gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Here's what you need to do, because BELIEVE me, it works!
Think about the moment in your life when you felt the MOST powerful - when you felt INVINCIBLE - like when you won a race, won an election, got the sale, got the girl, got carried out of the stadium on everyone's shoulders - whatever it was, think back to THAT moment in your life when you felt AT YOUR BEST.
Then write it down on an index card.
ANY time she says ANYTHING to make you doubt what a great guy you are, put it out of your mind and refer to that index card. You are NOT a man oppressed by your wife's devil.
You are incredible.
You are invincible.
You are YOU.
I know...it sounds corny, but it WORKS.
You CANNOT be a loser and a winner at the same time. It's just not possible.
Konfuseeed, keep what your original plan was for tomorrow. Don't lose it tomorrow but let her know where YOU stand, what YOU want and what you are gonna put up with and waht you won't. Kapiche?
I am off to fight with rush hour but wish you the very best tomorrow! The above advice is very good.
Alright, thanks for the replies and advice everyone.
It's funny cause I'm sitting here wondering if she is seeing OM, tonight. For some reason I believe her that she isnt seeing him anymore, and I did come out to his friends about what he was doing, and I know they are disappointed to say the least.
I just find it really hard to believe that she would call me and tell me she is done with other guys and wants me, makes plans to see me tomorrow night, and then spends tonight with OM.
But, anything is possible, right?
Spose theres nothing I can do about it if it is true... And really, I think I am just making up scenarios now that I dont even know are true or not just to rile myself up.
It's amazing what your brain can do to you in situations like this.
It's funny cause I'm sitting here wondering if she is seeing OM, tonight.
It doesn't matter whether or not she is with OM tonight, simply because you can't control it either way. You can only control YOU and your actions. So don't dwell on it.
Originally Posted By: konfuseeed
I just find it really hard to believe that she would call me and tell me she is done with other guys and wants me, makes plans to see me tomorrow night, and then spends tonight with OM.
Remember K...All Cheaters Lie. They just do. I'm not saying that she is or isnt, just don't let it surprise you if she is. This is what I was trying to say last night.
Originally Posted By: gman
Read this -
Quote:
I also think that she wants to make sure that you are still an option while she decides what it is she wants, because lets face it...she has no clue. She is in the fog and totally addicted to the juice the OM gives her ego, but she isn't willing to let you go so she will keep giving you just enough to keep you around.
then this
Quote:
She apologized for how much pain she has caused me, and even said she feels better now after i went off on her because she felt like I was holding it in and she didnt want that.
see the connection that Sugar was trying to show you? kind of like tossing you a bone don't ya think?
That is EXACTLY what I'm saying. My signature is exactly what this is: Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. Unless or until she is DONE with OM and you two are both committed to working on your M, she will very likely go back and forth as long as she can. She aplogized for how much pain she had caused you? If shes is truly sorry, she won't cause you anymore. Actions speak louder than words and as I used to tell my H - I don't hear what you say, I hear what you DO.
FWIW I would go tomorrow and have a good time, but just that. Have a good time, no pressure, no expectations and do it on YOUR terms. When you were dark she was wondering about you...now that you are re-engaging, she doesn't need to wonder. She KNOWS she can suck you back in and that is a power trip for the WAS. I know I'm sounding mean and your probably not going to want to listen to me, but I speak from experience...trust me. That experience has also taught me that once you have been burned enough times, the anger and resentment builds up and it makes it even HARDER to try and reconcile.
Just be careful not to jump back in too quickly, it tends to make them run. Good luck tomorrow.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
LOL!