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Ah, but what if OP married your X and is now the kids step parent?

If I got remarried, I would have no worries about letting my new wife take care of the kids if I had an appointment I could not take the kids to. And my XW should feel the same.

I actually feel better about my kids safety with Ed (who turns 70 next month!) than I do my ex wife who seems to have the pungent smell of booze on her a lot.

My opinion, clearly colored because my kids are older, is that when X has the kids, as long as I don't have any reason to suspect any real danger, it's just not my problem. And I would expect the same from her. I can see that with younger kids, my opinion might be a bit different.

I think the same way. I don't like that they are around her too but realize that there isn't anything to be done about that. Just as if I find myself engaged/married again, he will have to deal with it.

Just as you hope things will settle down, it all becomes as clear as mud again!

kat

Maybe this makes me a b!tch, but oh well...

If Dan ultimately marries some woman in the future, I will have to suck it up and deal. Hopefully she will be nice and good with my kids. And if he leaves the kids with her while he is out golfing or whatever, that is not my business.

However I have said from the beginning, and told this to Dan directly, the rules don't apply if he gets involved with the ow that he cheated on me with on and off the past three years.

I told him, if he gets involved with her to the extent that she comes around my kids, I WILL tell the kids that he cheated on me with her. Immature, maybe. But I will not be able to interact with her in the same way that I would with someone new who was not involved in the breakup of our marriage.

I realize that by telling the kids I will make it awkward for them when they are with him/ow but that is a consequence for his actions.If they are mean to her, that isn't my problem. However I have to also be prepared for the possiblity that they might really like her and then I need to just let it go so that they don't feel they have to choose.

This is all speculative bc I have no idea if he still sees her or not. Last I knew was when he emailed us both and told her to go seek out someone else because he could not be with her in 'real life', could not have a future with her, have her son living at his house when his own son didn't even get to live there all the time, etc...

But anyway, just saying it would depend whether it was THE ow or just a new person down the road.

What's funny is he always said when we talked about it that he didn't want to even think about me being with another guy....how ironic since I actually got to SEE him with another woman, WHILE we were still married!! Funny, but not.

The last time we talked about it at all was about two months ago when we were getting ready to tell the kids our situation was permanent, we weren't getting back together. He said something about how someday he would be with someone else again because he wouldn't be alone the rest of his life. He wanted a partner. A real partner (bc of course, I wasn't one--insert eye-rolling smiley)...

I said, "I know, me too, it will be weird though for me to have another man playing ball with Nathan or taking Sydney fishing..."

He got all pissed and said he didn't NEED someone to help him parent, just to be his partner. Like you can compartmentalize a new spouse? Sorry, but if I marry someone to be my partner, they will also be around my kids. Which means sometimes they will be taking a dad-like role, swimming with the kids, taking them to the movies with me, etc...

Oh you know guys have that way about them that they compartmentalize everything!! Yeah, ex left me, not the kids because you know he would NEVER do that. He didn't like the idea of someone else raising the kids with me but what are you going do.(shrug)

Now I know all of our guys here don't think that way, it is just the moron ones that left us to begin with!!

kat

<<Immature, maybe. But I will not be able to interact with her in the same way that I would with someone new who was not involved in the breakup of our marriage.>>

I understand this and it is far from being immature. Isn't it amazing how most of us (at least at the beginning) are more than willing to more than interact with our Xspouses but not the OP....almost like we shift the blame to the OP.

My X always says he wants 50/50 custody, but doesn't even spend the time he has with them. Tuesday night I dropped them off at 5:00 per the schedule. He called at 7:45ish saying they were going to be home late because they still needed to get dinner (they are suposed to be back at 8:00). They came in around 8:30. D12 was pissed that she had to go over there because apparently he wasn't even there. He was out somewhere with his wife, then came in at 7:30 (the time they would need to leave to get to my house on time) told the kids to get in the car, and they ate Taco Bell on the way home. So he spent his time with them driving them back to my house and eating fast food in a hurry. And he wants 50/50 custody?! It is all about how much support he pays...pathetic.

Actually, it's because (in most cases) our ex's are a given in the lives of our children - we have to deal with the former spouse (their other parent) being in the picture, but not so the OP.

I don't speak to the new Mrs. X (formerly OW) at all, and I speak to X as little as possible. I don't blame her anymore than him, just don't respect or trust either one of them, so I don't talk to them.