I am thinking about keeping our meeting on saturday to talk, where I will explain to her what I NEED for us to even "try"... She might not like what I have to say but I am fully prepared to walk away if she is not willing.
I think that's a great idea. YOu need to state what your needs are, your boundaries, and what you want and don't want. Be very clear. Then listen to what she has to say. Big big hugs, Konfuseeed.
I did some thinking on the ride there and back and here is what I have decided...
1 - She can never, ever have any contact with our "friend" again, in anyway. They will not be facebook friends, he will not be in her cell phone etc...
2 - We go to counseling, starting ASAP.
3 - She must SHOW me how serious she is about repairing this marriage, because right now I don't believe a word she says. If she asks how to show me, I will tell her that right now I don't have any specific answers to that, but a good start would be to agree to #'s 1 and 2.
This is just my thinking right now...
If anyone has any advice I would LOVE to hear it.
I am going back and forth hourly about whether or not to even give her this chance, as I do not know if this is something I will ever be able to get over.
I'm sorry this is happening to you but you sound pretty strong.
I totally agree with 1 & 3 but IMHO I would demand IC as well as MC for my #2. My H and I jumped right into MC when I first found out there was a "friend" and it did more harm than good. If we had waited until he was done with the OW it would have helped. We did do IC and it helped tremendously.
FWIW I would want to see more of #3 before I truly committed to anything.
I've heard great things about P90X...too chicken to try it but maybe I will now.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Yeah Sugar, I was actually just thinking about that this morning on my ride to work.
The truth is my wife is not in a good place mentally right now. She is miserable and hates herself, and I don't really see how anything good can come out of even trying to be with her until she straightens herself out first.
I think I am just going to tell her that.
P90X is hardcore! I can usually only get through about 30-45min of the hour workouts before I feel like I'm going to barf.
But, if you are serious about getting in shape and losing weight fast, it really is the real deal.
K - my opinion....as everyone has one...lol is #1 frst and fore most #3 is going to be hard for her, something she is going to have to figure out.
#2 - give it time to make sure OM is out of picture for sure.
as for the P90x (sugar) - very hard, but the results are great! I think in the first week i almost passed out 3 times - and i had been running 3-4 times a week for 3 months befroe i started so i thought i was in "good" shape"
BRING IT!!!! lol
Gman
Last edited by gman; 06/18/1001:38 PM.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
I would keep the meeting - keep it emotion free (trust me i know how hard that will be) - be cool.
if she is wanting to work on your M then perhaps tell her the old stand by - I am not willing to be in an open M, and there MUST be NC with OM (you could detail NC if she inquires).
basically your #1 is step one.
no need to rush - and DO NOT let the emotions make you speak....think about what you are going to say before you say it.
it has taken over 3 months and i am just now seeing that my W is starting to realize how much pain and damage she inflicted by her actions....sadly patience is not one of my virtues and i have probably not been the "better" person all the time.
Gman
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
if she is wanting to work on your M then perhaps tell her the old stand by - I am not willing to be in an open M, and there MUST be NC with OM (you could detail NC if she inquires).
Do this. And you had the right idea when you said you would state what you will tolerate and what you won't. Clear boundaries, konfuseed and stay true to your word.
