Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy H moved in w/ OW. Wants month to fig things out.

A WEEK? You need to keep protection phase up for MORE than a week!

Can anyone just walk into your work?

Can you get work to refuse him entry somehow?

You need a PLAN Seanna... dont' just wait for him to show up to figure out how to deal with it... figure out all the places you will be for the next few months and plan how you will protect yourself from him for that time

I have back up plans. I already have the house keys, I already packed up his stuff days ago and there's nothing here for him to get. I'm going to be invisible. Promise!!

OK

1. He can't get into the home right? Good
2. your mother will run interference at home? Good
3. At work.. what's going to happen there?
4. Do all your friends and family know to keep the pressure on him?

Listen to this!!!! I wrote the letter at 4:57p.m. He just now texted me at 7:47 p.m. saying "Do you want me to come over in th a.m.? I can wash the truck. I miss you"

WTH? I wrote the letter exactly as it was shown in the book. I know he got it because he responded to it (I didn't respond back) This may be a lot quicker than I thought right?

I just thought that if he even sees me at work or something, it would blow the no contact. i want to make myself invisible. I reeeeeeaaaallly want my marriage to be busted from this. I don't want to mess up anymore. So if he comes over just don't answer the door? Pretend I'm not here? what if he knows im here? Tell him to leave or would that be considered contact? It's contact right? Just ignore him and be a vapor.

Might be...

Let me try to explain this Seanna

When an affair is started, a WS has three paths they can take :

a. Keep the marriage AND pursue the affair in secret as much as possible
b. Pursue divorce and roll the dice with OW
c. End the affair and explore rebuilding the marriage

Your husband right now is doing A, you may think he's doing B, but he's not...

The thing is a) is a LOT more attractiev than B or C.... with A you can have your marriage and your affair partner too... BOTH.. ie : cake eating

To commit to B or C is a huge leap... you have to go through divorce or family therapy... who wants to do that? It's expensive, painful, and time consuming... why nto go back to A which is a LOT easier on ME!

He's going to keep slipping back to A as long as you allow it...

When you send out that letter, you are telling him he can't have his marriage and his affair too... You are FORCING him to look at B or C as the only option...

He's going to KICK and SCREAM to get A back...

You have to resist the temptation to let him have both the affair and his marriage... ANY CONTACT gives him A again...

Eventually he is in my opinion likely to choose B, I would say 75% of the time.. IF you can keep up the protection phase...

It's addiction, he wants A, its EASY... its comfortable, its CONVENIENT...

I certainly hope you didn't REPLY!

You really should not be READING his letters Seanna.. your mother should be SCREENING those for you... and She should be replying to your H telling him she is DELETING ALL emails he sends to you and that you will NOT SEE them

Get the idea here?

NOW you are starting to PLAN and realise how HARD this is gonna be... not just to keep him away, but for YOU to NOT CONTACT...

And yes, telling him to go away is contact...

you need to get someone to run interference and to tell this guy to get lost until he grows up...

PLAN AHEAD.. HOW are you gonna protect yourself at work?

Plan NOW

No, no I meant that I thought that he would give a week then start trying to contact me. But I was wrong about that. It took almost 3 whole hours. Boy, you were right, classic addiction. I'm so glad you found my post. I'm very grateful to you.

Thank me when he's in family therapy with you and the OW is GONE for GOOD.. we arne't out of the woods yet.. but Penny Tupy knows what she's talking about...