Reflections from yesterday after my W and D13 talked and were in each other's presence for the first time in 6 months. For those that are not familiar with my sitch, my D13 pretty much knows everything my W has done, multiple affairs, lying and all the other selfish crap that goes along with MLC.
I am hoping for more of a connection between D13 and my W on Tuesday when they all go see a movie together. I am letting go of the situation now, I have nudged it along to this point, now it is up to my W and my D to mend the relationship.
I am working on keeping my expectations down low or none at all but it is hard not to think about the possibilities. I am trying to focus on me and stay on my path and not get distracted by all this. I am also preparing myself for more steps backwards so that when they come I wont't sink to some new low.
I know I am getting better at not getting sucked into her MLC vortex, I attribute this to my understanding of MLC. While no amount of knowledge will prevent what is going on it has given me a framework to understand what my W is going through. I do have compassion for her and I do love her still.
I am wrestling with some financial issues that concern her and I want to continue to make the road back for her an easy one to travel. I think that I am going to wait another month and see if things progress any further before I talk to her about any of the financial issues.
More Time and more Patience is what I keep saying to myself as I know there is still many challenges ahead.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I am so glad you had a fantastic fathers day! Good news all around, and you are right ... now is the time for you to back off and remember what has worked - detachment on your part!
I know that having no expectations is practically impossible, but it's what will save you as this plays out. Be prepared for the backslides, give W and D13 some room and continue to do your thing.
This sounds good :o) .... PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Just got home a little while ago with my D13. D13 and S9 went with mom to the movies tonight, S9 went with my W to spend the night. When I dropped the kids with my W my D13 was quiet and uptight, I did not talk about it with her just dropped them off and told them to have a good time. BTW when my W pulled up she was all smiles, looking like her old self.
When I met them to pick up my D13, she was sitting in the backseat and leaned forward to hug her mother also when we were all saying our goodbyes, my W said to our D13....
"D, I love you" our D13 replied "Love you too, Mom".
I made sure to look my W in the eyes and say goodnite myself to her and she smiled her old big smile back at me. Everyone is happy, I thought to myself.
When my D13 and I got back in the car I wanted so bad to ask her how it went but I fought the urge. This has to be between my W and our D13.
Part of my journey and part of my growth has been to learn that I talk to much, I try to control the sitch, control what others feel based on what I "think" they should feel. That has stopped.
Sooooo, my D13 and I were riding back to the house and I did not say a thing, just waited to see if my D13 would say anything, it only took about 2 minutes and she started to talk about how she felt. I just shut up and listened, I did not offer any opinions or advice, I just listened. The more I listened the more she talked. (I wonder if this would work on my W....DUH)
My D13 talked about how she was uneasy at first but slowly she felt more comfortable around her Mom, and how she had a really good time and wants to do other things with her. My D13 was not ready to spend the night with my W but wants to go do "girly" things with her like go shopping and get thier nails done.
Hey you guys with the pink Tu Tu's may want to join them....LMAO.
My daughter for the first time in over 9 months was talking about her Mom and smiling. Thank you Lord !!!! Talk about letting go and letting Him take over.
One of the last things my D13 said before we got home is that she thought that "Mom was acting like her old self again, not like she was 9 months ago". This is the only point I made and I kept it simple.
I said, "D you need to be patient with your Mom, ultimately you can not control what she does, I know you have expectations of your mother, please try not to get upset if she does something that you don't like. If it does happen it is okay to tell her how you feel when she does something but getting upset and losing control only hurts you and what you ultimately want."
Big stuff for a 13 year old but I think she understands, I don't know if they planned anything else but I am going to back way off and let thier relationship rebuild. I know I will be the last one for my W to reconnect with and I have waited this long.....I am just going to focus on me and give my W and D13 lots of space.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Always remember....Life is Good!!! and today is going to be a great day!!!
It is hotter than blue blazes here and I think the low tonight is supposed to be like 74 degrees....sooo since the temp. is going to be a little warmer than usual tonight, I will need something lite and refreshing like MOJITO's.
So if you are stopping by I will be serving them up. I make my own simple syrup and use fresh mint right out of my own yard.
Since the libations will be south of the border so will the music, I will let XM handle the tunes tonight, it will be on the "Caliente" and "Calypso" channels. Also, found a recipe for Chicken Quesadilla's that I am going to play with tonight, should be good.
Everyone is welcome!! stop on by, should be underway by 7 or 8 tonight!!
Update on me is everything is status quo at the moment. S9 is supposed to go over to my W's tonight to spend the night. D13 said last night that she would do something with her mom but does not want to go over to the house where mom rents a room and definitely does not want to spend the night. I don't know what the plan is but I am hoping to have the house to myself tonight for a little break.
I have found myself a little preoccupied for the last couple of days with what is going to happen next with my W and D13 and in turn my W and I. The wheels in my head have been spinning in overdrive. Today, I feel like I am getting my focus back on me and my goals.
Planning on taking the kids to the beach on Saturday, should be fun and a change of scenery for all of us. I love going to the beach. For me it recharges my batteries, and gives us great family time together without any distractions.
Cheers !!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Hey ... Happy Little Friday to you too! Mmmm Mojitos! Count me in.
Glad to hear you are getting your focus back ... and good for you for letting your W and D figure this out, it would be tempting to try to interfere or push things along.
The beach is awesome place for relaxing and feeling reenergized. I try to get there everyday the weather is fine in the summer ... even if it's only for an hour ... since it's only a 5 minute drive from my place.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
