Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Early Parole from the MLC Chain Gang?????

Okay, my Wife woke up.....She was asleep on the love seat and I hit the couch next to her. I went and got a Tshirt and shorts and laid them out in case she wanted to stay.

I am sound asleep and I am woken by a kiss on my cheek...it is my W!!!!! She has a smile on her face that I have not seen in over a year, maybe 2 years. I reach up and pull her towards me and hug her, "Is this real??? Is she here??? Is she really smiling???" The thoughts are racing through my head.

Then she says....."We made love in the bathroom, didn't we???" She did not say "Sex" she said "love". I responded,"yes we did".

She said, "I need to get home"

I said, "You are home"

W: I missed the party
M: Your were the party
Both of us laugh.

M: S9 loved the gift.
W: I am glad.
M: I brought you a t-shirt and shorts
W: thank you, but I need to go home.
M: again, this is your home.

We kissed and hugged some more and she wanted to wake up and be able to get ready for work, so I bid her good night and walked her to her car.

More hugs and kisses (deep passionate kisses, with smiles) along the way.

My W gets in the car and I kneel down next to her and ask, "Can I take you out to dinner this week?"

W: When?
M: How about Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday???
W: Giggling she says, I have class on Monday....
M: I say great!!! the rest of the week is a date!!!

I will take this one day at a time, and will not push, and will not mention the past.....

Thank you God for answered prayers.

I am glad for the good sex interaction.

And would caution you about pitfalls and moving to quickly. But I get the feeling you wouldn't care.

I think you should, about some of the things you say you don't care about.



Right now with everything you have done with her, you are going to build up some expectations, it would take a Vulcan not too.

Do your best though.



??



Not pushing? And Day by day?

Be careful Miss.

Nothing in MLC is a simple as it sometimes seems.....after last night I woke up this morning thinking that I might finally be moving forward in my sitch with one of those big huge steps. I guess it was a big step but my W is still cycling.


When I was getting ready for work this morning she called and expressed that she was feeling "remorseful about what happened last night" and that she had too much to drink last night. She was sorry that she missed my son openning his gift. I told her we could celebrate his Birthday again on the actual date of his Birthday. I also told her how I understand her feelings. I did not ask any questions, I learned my lesson from last week.

There is still a lot of trust building that I need to do with her. I am sure the guilt of her past affairs is massive and probably thinks that part of reconciliation would have to be reliving all of those mistakes. Without telling her I think I have to communicate to her that I am not going to judge her nor require anything of her.

I would like to take her out this week but I am not going to push it, today the only contact we have had is regaurding my car that I traded in on a new car. I can tell when I spoke to her that she was very nervous. I am not going to bring it up at all and just give her time to process her emotions.

I know this, I still have a long way to go. Time and patience.

The rest of the week thing was said "tongue in cheek".

I should have enough of a distraction this week, my mother is in town to help out and I am dealing with plenty of other things right now to keep me busy.

The hard part is that I have to focus on me and not on her.

I am allowing myself to enjoy the memory for the day.

uh huh.

Just Journaling

My W texted me late yesterday afternoon,

W: I need to talk to you later. Still have bad feeling about last night.
M: I understand, whenever u like, just let me know. Do you want to grab dinner and talk about it? I know you have class tonight, how about tomorrow?
W: I don't think going out is a good idea.
M: Okay
W: I feel that u took advantage of me. I have a sick feeling in my stomach.
M: I am sorry....do you want to talk after work? (I should have said, "I am sorry you feel that way", Good friend already hit me with the 2X4)
W: I have class. I will call u later

My wife called my son as usual last night at 10pm. I thought that she would want to talk after but never called back nor asked my S to speak with me.

I have heard nothing since....good I guess, who knows what she is thinking. I know I am not supposed to speculate but I couldn't help it, no anguish or anything like that.

It is testimony to how much turmoil the MLCer is in. My W appeared happy, content, at peace Sunday night and then just 6 to 7 hours later the MLC fog is back. I really have compassion for my W in that she has this much confusion going on within her.

I know this much, she has to work this out on her own, on her terms and in her time.

mhl, you are very strong. You're so much better at validating than I am ... I am going to take a page out of your book.

You're doing really well, chat later.

Peace
PEI

Man I know you just read my thread.

I don't know how far you went back.

Read it again back where Brooklyn hit me with a dose of reality.

I know you think (as I did) that your W is trying to take baby steps back to you.

I remember when you started this thread.

I also know how much you love your W.

I understand. I understand the moment you are in right now.

The last line in your post up there is what you need to read.

Read it and understand what it means.

It means you don't have a M. Your W is not coming back until she is able to work this out ON HER OWN.

This is the hardest thing I have had to learn so far.

Your love has to transcend your wants and your desires. This is hard Miss.

It f@cking hurts to do it because you just want her close again.

The irony here is to get her close again you have to go away.

You've got to let go and live your life.

Let her go on her journey.

No more pressure.

Listen to what she is trying to tell you.

I didn't want to hear it either.

I know your talking like you have this in check but you don't and you know it.

What is this tuesday? I am two days into letting go that is how recent it is.

Before Sunday I had myself convinced that W was on the verge of telling me she wants our M.

We can convince ourselves of this because of our tremendous courage, faith and hope.

My friend I am not telling you she doesn't want your M it is just she needs to figure that out without you.

She just maybe doesn't want it right now.

This isn't about DBing any more you have already been through that.

This is about loving someone so much that you understand that the best thing for them is to let them go and still love them no mattter which choice they make.

No one can kill your love for her you see? It is yours to give.

Give the best kind of love you will ever give her, the kind that places her well being and spiritual growth before your own desires.

Let her go and heal yourself so you can be a the best man you can be for her and your children. This is where your courage, hope and faith has to go.

Trust that the best thing for her will be the only hope for your M.

My W's started her A in Sept.'09 we are on parallel paths. I know that means nothing in MLC but we the LBSs, we have to move through this.

Keep moving Miss. Keep stepping forward.

And thank you for your encouraging words to me today.

PEI,
Thank you for the vote of confidence, I do feel myself getting stronger and finding it easier to not get "caught up" in some of the things my W says or does. I know there is more pain ahead, I was just telling Grit that today. Less than a week ago I was in the fetal position on the "Little Friday" Patio.

I will say this about the "playbook"....Everyone on these boards are my playbook, the advice and support here is amazing.

I also have to say that I am lucky to have a fellow DBer around the corner from me, he no longer posts, but offers his wisdom and more than the occassional 2X4. He lurks and he will read this and he knows what a good friend he is, and I thank him for helping me be accountable.

MHL, I'm sorry - the cycling stinks. :P Yuck.