Today W was served with the OSC. She was very p!ssed to say the least. I know that she will have her own OSC served to me in time. I do not know what lies she will spew against me.
I still need an attorney, and I hope that the court will order her to pay my attorney fees at the hearing.
W was not laughing today and happy the way she usually is. She is the one on the offensive this time for once.
She was very surprised. When the Sheriff came, she was in the shower. I told her that someone was here to see her. She said who. I said the Sheriff. She asked "why," and I said I don't know. She came out in a towel, and she was served.
She went to finish getting ready, and it was really loud listening to her today.
She kissed the kids goodbye and said she would be late, and left our home very quickly.
I hope she has a nice day. I really do!!! She deserves it!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
W was not laughing today and happy the way she usually is. She is the one on the offensive this time for once.
She was very surprised. When the Sheriff came, she was in the shower. I told her that someone was here to see her. She said who. I said the Sheriff. She asked "why," and I said I don't know. She came out in a towel, and she was served.
She wasn't quite as smug as when you were served and she had that sweet lilt to her voice and sweet grin, was she?
I know you did something you wish you didn't have to do. I know it was hard to do. And I don't mean to take any pleasure in her reaction, no "how does it feel, you b*%#h".
However, now you are in control of the sitch, your reactions and your response to your W. You can show her that you are not going to lay down and let her walk all over you. That is a great thing!
The coming weeks and months are going to be rough, to say the least. You have proven to her that you will not be taken advantage of. Keep standing up for yourself and for your kids. While it may be too late for the M, you can get a measure of respect back and show your wife the man you really are. That is always a good thing.
Thanks. I think I could have done things differently and better, but it is too late for that. I wish I knew what I know now.
It is what I do now that will define me I hope. I don't want it to be another person that does that for me.
I hope to hear your stories and be able to respond to your thread too.
It would be my pleasure to provide advice or at least support to you too.
Thanks again.
Do you think you could have adverted the situatoin? How could you have done it?
Or after what you know, that once she was gone she was really gone and theres not much you can do about it. I just wanted your comments, because in my situation I don't believe there was much I could have done.
W was not laughing today and happy the way she usually is. She is the one on the offensive this time for once.
She was very surprised. When the Sheriff came, she was in the shower. I told her that someone was here to see her. She said who. I said the Sheriff. She asked "why," and I said I don't know. She came out in a towel, and she was served.
She wasn't quite as smug as when you were served and she had that sweet lilt to her voice and sweet grin, was she?
I know you did something you wish you didn't have to do. I know it was hard to do. And I don't mean to take any pleasure in her reaction, no "how does it feel, you b*%#h".
However, now you are in control of the sitch, your reactions and your response to your W. You can show her that you are not going to lay down and let her walk all over you. That is a great thing!
The coming weeks and months are going to be rough, to say the least. You have proven to her that you will not be taken advantage of. Keep standing up for yourself and for your kids. While it may be too late for the M, you can get a measure of respect back and show your wife the man you really are. That is always a good thing.
It is a good thing. But he needs to understand it will take years for her to see it, and of consistent attitudes and behaviors. The goal should not be to show her who he is, but to simply be it.
Maybe I could not have averted the situation, but I could have handled it way better when there were chances I see now to make it better. I just did not see them as clearly as I do now. I am not the same person as I was when this began. I still have ups and downs, but that does not change how I deal with things now.
I could have done 180s and detached sooner. I would not have let the intel make me do decisions without thinking through what I should say or do. I think it may not have helped my M, but I believe it would have helped me more.
I do see things in my M that would have helped, but I think there are things that both of should have done.
I have been doing my best for me these days and the kids, and at this point that is where I am currently in my sitch.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
one thing for sure. None of us will deal with as much bull$hit from a relationship partner ever again. We will only do it if we choose to because maybe we get what we need.
Last night since we only have one car, she wanted to use it today, and I told her no problem. The kids and I cleaned together and went throught the drive through car wash together. It was fun.
She thanked me, and there was no problems. It was the most we have said in awhile. I suspect we won't say much for awhile too.
I did not want to do what I did, but it was necessary. Even if I still have love for her still, I cannot sit back and allow her to continue to do what she has been. She cannot be allowed to walk all over me anymore.
I know I need to show this is me. I am also this person now regardless of the ups and downs or had bad I feel inside.
It is going to be very tough to come, but I will be heard in a court and in mediation. It is what I need at this point. She will not be controlling the outcome. That has been taken from her now. She will have to do it in court room.
She will not be able to take advantage of me. Again, I have to put and the kids first this time. I cannot protect her anymore. She has to take care of herself.
I am this man, and she will have to see for herself. It will take time as DLS said, but I have time, and I am not doing it for the M now.
Last edited by LSG; 06/16/1005:55 PM.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Last night since we only have one car, she wanted to use it today, and I told her no problem. The kids and I cleaned together and went throught the drive through car wash together. It was fun.
She thanked me, and there was no problems. It was the most we have said in awhile. I suspect we won't say much for awhile too.
I did not want to do what I did, but it was necessary. Even if I still have love for her still, I cannot sit back and allow her to continue to do what she has been. She cannot be allowed to walk all over me anymore.
I know I need to show this is me. I am also this person now regardless of the ups and downs or had bad I feel inside.
It is going to be very tough to come, but I will be heard in a court and in mediation. It is what I need at this point. She will not be controlling the outcome. That has been taken from her now. She will have to do it in court room.
She will not be able to take advantage of me. Again, I have to put and the kids first this time. I cannot protect her anymore. She has to take care of herself.
I am this man, and she will have to see for herself. It will take time as DLS said, but I have time, and I am not doing it for the M now.
LSG,
You sound like you have switched into a mindstate where you truly are looking at in respect for your best interests, and your children.
I still have not flipped into that mindstate,and when areound the current WAW I still look at her as somewhat a wife. Occasionally I am in a mode where she represents "just another woman" to me, and I know this is how I should look at it, because this person does not have my best interests at heart.
You sound good and I have learned some from your situation and looking at all these situations helped me to get into a more stable and resiliant state of mind.
