It sounds good. You may want to just have the first 2 paragraphs and leave the school issue for another day after the division of items. I say this because if you are generous and kind during the household items divide, she may be more giving in regards to the school issue.
Thanks Kerry. I sent it to her along with the school thing. I can always choose not to discuss it. I changed the day to Thu too.
I feel that it's not about me being generous, geez I purchased everything in the house except for a few low value items. So it's about her being reasonable.
We shall see...
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 06/15/1005:32 PM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Fine, I obviously can't take the large items but we can at least make a list of who is getting what and submit to the lawyers for the record. I can take whatever will fit in my car if that works and I will get a mover to remove the large items at a date that works for both you and the mover. Is there a way that you can burn my files and bookmarks as well as photos to a disc for me? I would really appreciate it.
I would like DD to attend the [private] school because I feel she would thrive in that environment more so than at [public school]. I am comfortable paying the tuition for the 2010-2011 school year and reserving settlement on the matter to the attorneys/court. If you could pay the 'daycare' fees associated with the school (before and after school care), that would be nice otherwise we'll work that out at a later date too. I figure that we would have to split the childcare fees at any public school she attends anyway. At the least, its for a year for stability, at the most as long as we can send her there. If you just look at their site you'd see what a wonderful place it is and how much she would love to go there. If you insist on a public school, my choice would be to get her into [another distric] Elementary (X and some other [current school] kids are going there) if I could or to [another school] in [my district] since her Daisy troop friends and X and Y go there. At least she would go in knowing some other kids if she has to go public.
I know about her graduation. I sent in a previous email that I would pick her up at 3:30 (that is the time they requested) and bring her back for the ceremony. I brought something for the last party so if you could sign up for this one it would be helpful.
Thanks.
My initial thoughts: "you should've thought of all this before...just like I'd said. But you only think about today and never tomorrow. How the heck am I supposed to pay you x amount and still send her to private school? we now have basically one income and two households. I can't afford even the day care payments at this time. Two, you're wrong on the stability part- it's more stable that she goes to a new school once and not have to switch again in 6 months or a year- especially going from private to public if we can't afford it later (which I already know we can't). Lastly, as for which public school this is her house and had we all still lived here she would've gone to this school. She'll make new friends no matter where she goes what's important in her life right now is stability, peace and harmony.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
so.... she's able to pay the private tuition out of the support you're going to be giving her? First, I'd wait and not respond right away til you've had a chance to think on this. But the thing is- whatever arrangement you decide on, it has to work for both you and her AND DD. If you can't even afford the daycare for private, it doesn't work for you, and it means that AS A FAMILY, you cannot afford private school. You may have 2 households, but where DD is concerned, it has to work for the family, not just for STBXW. If you can't even afford the daycare part, she will have to help pay for after care at public school, too.
Wait, though, and see what other input you get, give this some thought.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I cant help but chuckle. Since your DD has not started private school, I doubt there is a court in the land that would say she has to go to private school.
I'm not sure how it works with public schools where you are, but most public schools are not pick and choose. You go to the school that your residence belongs to.
Have you considered looking into a charter school? My kids go to a charter school and many of their classmates come from out of district. There is not much difference in our charter school from a public school except that the staff is non-union and operates on a reduced budget.
kids make friends regardless of the school they go to private schools and public schools don't differ in teaching (all teachers go to the same sort of teacher college)
what is more important is how the adminsitration functions...
Thanks Alice, you're right and what bugs me is that she's counting on what she's getting from me right now and her current rent situation. Both of which will change. Court will see I'm having trouble making ends meet and hopefully the payments will get reduced. Once her friend sells the house she'll have to rent elsewhere probably costing more.
Kerry you're right especially in our county the court will favor public school. Even though the private school really is awesome the reality now is we can't afford it. If I agree to sending dd to the school even on her terms I'll likely be on the hook from the court since I conscented to the idea.
As for the after school costs I doubt it'll be anywhere near what it'll be for a public school and it'll be divided half/half between us.
You're right about the districts too but she rents in the other district so I think she'll qualify.
Most importantly I don't want dd to have to change schools yet again in a year or two that will be really disruptive to her.How can she say "for stability" and say for a year or as long as we can send her there. These sort of things need to be thought through.
Not sure how to get this all across to her without pissing her off. She always said I criticized her for everything and that's how she'll take this. I also think she's in a lala land thinking I'm some kind of a millionaire. Maybe she doesn't realize I'm having a tough time after what I have to pay her. So how should I tell her all this?
Lastly when she comes over on the to get her stuff should I bring up what things I would like to keep or let her do the talking? I'm afraid once she gets her things she might want some part in my hobby related things.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
real quick: have you guys not seen some kind of parenting advisor/communications coach/counselor to help you create a co-parenting plan? That's where this is better worked out, not with the L's, IMO. I know it's more $ but maybe it will cut through some of the bull****.
If you have an idea of things you want, you just need to speak up- if they were yours before M or yours exclusively, she has no logical claim on them. Sure, let her present her list, but be ready right then with, well this is my list, let's compare. Oops, looks like we both listed this one, let's put that aside til the end and do the easy ones first, etc. If it makes you feel better to pre-empt her by mentioning the things that are important to you, then tackle them first- bring them up. but I'm not sure it matters who asks for it first as long as you speak up right away after she does if it's something you want. It's not like when we were kids and someone "called it" first- she doesn't get to play that way
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
We haven't seen anyone on the coparenting part, that's a good suggestion but I doubt she'll be open to it.
My only thought was that if I bring up my stuff (tools really) before she says anything about them she'll know that I care about them and could say I want part of the total value of them.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
That's what I thought too buddy. And once her attorney was made aware of the things I had, by her, and by those invasive interrogatories, she and he started coming after them with a vengeance! My advice...go ahead and take steps to protect yourself and your belongings/assets right now!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.