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When we wrote up the D settlement, we broke down the financials of the house, farm property, retirement accounts, etc. When it came to household goods, we just wrote it "the parties agree to divide up household goods amicably", or something to that effect. There was no written record of who got the coffe table or who got the table saw. However we were able to divide that stuff up pretty well without any ugliness. In your case, what do you think??

Romeo -

You and your wife should try to do as much dividing the small stuff without the lawyers getting involved.

My wife took the handguns and substantial jewelry I had given her during the marriage. I kept the home furnishings. We did not try to itemize or estimate value of these items.

Your email and your wifes response is good. It seems you both have differing opinion on DD's school. Sadly, the L's may compromise on something else in exchange for either of your choices. It is kind of a shell game. And the L's are removed emotionally from it. But it is far better than letting it go to court.

I remember the dreading of "what next" in communication from my angry wife. Eventually, I got to the point of dictating things on my terms and not caring what she was going to throw at me next. Being detached and standing up for myself allowed me to get over the emotional aspect of the divorce pretty quick.

Bobbi Jo - Try a 180 the next time he does his pity party/blame BBJ game. Simply say something short like "Your full of sh!t! This conversation is over with." and then walk away or hangup. Then when it happens again, repeat the same.

You dont need to express detail to him anymore. You waste your breath and words on the man. He needs some hard cold BBJ when he is an azzhole.

I'm with Kerry and BBJ. I grabbed what I wanted and there's not going to be any kind of list in the decree. The only thing that could be contentious are the engagement and wedding rings.

Otherwise you are just running up legal bills.

Thanks everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it. I'm confused though. If you read the last two pages most of the advice was to do everything through the lawyers based on the past history (her lawyer backing out last min saying we had no agreement when in fact we did) and the fact that so far I've just been doing whatever she asked for whenever.

That's why I told her to make a list of everything she wants and send it to the lawyers so I can start dictating stuff. If I change my story now and tell her to come and take whatever little items she wants then I'll look wishy washy. Also, she's now going through the lawyers (or is she asking if we should?) about the school issue.

Any thoughts?

Should I say something like:

"I'm good with dividing the small stuff without getting the lawyers involved but based on what happened with the temp support agreement I have little trust in what gets decided now and then changed later.

Same goes for DD's school- these decisions will affect her and I'd rather discuss them directly. Hopefully we can put our differences aside and do the right thing for her."

...or not? or should I just let it go through the lawyers. I'm so conflicted.

Pick your battles carefully.

Your first sentence points the finger at her too much.

I think you would be better of just saying "come over at such and such time/date and we can go through things to divide."

If you both can amicably divide things now without the L's involvement, that sure would be great.

I do think the L's will have to negotiate about the school decision as that is something you bump heads with.

So something like:

"OK, let's meet at the house at 6pm on Mon and we can go through the household items to divide. Please make arrangements with your roommate to watch DD that day."

and then don't bring up the school stuff?

I agree with Kerry. If you can divide up the small stuff without the lawyer, then that's great. My lawyer says he makes a ton of money from people fighting over who's going to get the CD collection!

Agree

How does this sound?

"OK, let's meet at the house on Mon at 6pm and we can go through the household items to divide. Once we agree we can let the lawyers put the agreement on the record or simply state that the household items have been divided by both parties amicably.

Please make arrangements with your roommate to watch DD that day.

As for the school as I said if there's something you need to discuss then do since it will affect DD. I hope that we can put our differences aside to do the right thing for her.

And just to clarify I had no desire to hand over money to the lawyers."