Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC with a side of infidelity

Old post in EA/PA/Infidelity board

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2014282#Post2014282

Hello all. I’m new to the MLC board, but unfortunately not to the boards as a whole.

In a nut shell, I processed through and survived a seperation/EA situation 5 years ago, which most of my posts are fading or gone.(by the way, if anyone know how to access super old posts I would appriciate it)

My current position you can see on the thread above. After closer examination and more time under my belt with the current mess I’m in, and some reading on the MLC board here and the MLC in DR, I’ve come to the conclusion my W is in a MLC, not sure how severe though, hence why I’m here.

She is in an A with OM who lives over an hour from us, he is former high school classmate, and TM EA from 5 years ago. She hates everything about her current state of being, from me(biggest) to her job, to the daily routine of taking care of DD’s with me and other responsibilities, and she has alienated most of mine and her family. She has rewritten the entire M into a string of unpleasant events, with no good ones at all in our 15 yr M(17 together).

She seems confused on all matters, and lies about lies, and then lies some more, not even caring if she gets caught in them.

I have seen a lawyer so I know what to expect if she files, and I know that she is going to see one tomorrow, not sure if it is to file, or just try to figure out how to try to get me out of the house during a separation.

I plan on staying in the house with the DD’s, and she may choose to stay, or go get an apartment, or wherever, but I’m taking the role of primary caretaker at this time, even if I need to hire some sitters at certain points. I’ve told her that if she does move out, that she can come and go as she pleases to help take care of the girls, but that I will be there whenever I want.

Not sure what the major rules of thumb are for MLC sitch, so if anyone can chime in I would appreciate it.
Thanks

Sorry you are here optimust but welcome.

It does sound like your wife is in MLC.

Your W is in replay since there is OM. Have you checked out the resources in the MLC forum? They will help. HB's stages are very helpful.

Lots of great people and advice to be found here.

(((hugs)))

Not sure how to find resources? I will look. HB's stages sounds very interesting. could you post a link in case I can't find it?
Thanks

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1539436

Not sure if I did it right...let me know

Opt

Welcome to these boards.

Sorry for your reason to be here.

We say around here this is the best worst place to be.

There are some great people here so keep posting and people will be by to help.

Here is the list of resource that will help you.

I would start with the detach link.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

The link for the resources:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1539436

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1


Doormat tactics
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...444#Post1942444

Standing vs leaving
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340&page=1

Why they run:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=67406&page=1

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...6668#Post526668

That is a lot of homework so get busy.

I haven't read your old thread yet but what are you doing for you right now?

As far as myself, I joined a gym andI'm trying to get there 3 times a week at least. I try to read alot on the current problem so I know what is going on, MLC is new to me, so I have a lot of reading to do(need list of books). I'm trying to get more involved with church, little tricky with my schedule.

Old thread in infidelty basically outlines the A, timeline, actions taken, reactions, and a lot of pleading for advice. Her non-effect of most of what I tried and the other things she's been doing in relation to family and work and DD's has me on these boards.

I don't see many WAW(W)/MLC successes, which scares the crap out of me.

Then, her seeing a lawyer today has got me jittery also, I'm trying to detatch, but worrying about being served is no fun.

Told her last night that I thought it over, and am not asking her to move out, but that she can if she wants, or not. She says a recently D lady she knows has a room she can rent cheap.


Resource thread above doesn't work right. Is there a recommended reading list, book wise?

851am She TM me this morning 'we must talk as soon as you get off work'.

9am I called her, she couldnt talk in front of other co-workers, said would call later.

NOON I call her back, 'whats up, your worrying me', 'should talk face to face', 'is this about DD's or us?' 'both, I will try to call at break'

I'm freaking out, I think she is going to tell me she filed. I thought I was ready for something this scary, but not sure what to do. Heart rate is huge, scared to death.

The monsters in your HEAD are usually worse than the shadows they really are.

Optimust... nice play on words there. : )

Look man, you are worrying over a MAYBE.

Pointless and a waste of your time.

You don't know what this is about and are driving yourself crazy in the process of not knowing...

Cut it out, man up. By a strong man like your cookie tells you to be.

Opt

Apparently I suck at putting the links in. Old Pilot usually posts them so I'm going to let him do that from now on.

Go to the beginning of any recently started thread in MLC and you will see the links to the resource threads posted by Old Pilot.

You might have to scroll through a couple of pages.

look at irishblessings thread I think that one has it.

Here these are the three that don't work. These will work, all the other links are good:

Welcome to the board
In the resources there are books to read, A whole thread of them. I would suggest the ones on mid-life and depression to start with.

Sorry the other link list got messed up.

The link for the resources:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1539436

Doormat tactics
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...444#Post1942444

Why they run:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...6668#Post526668