Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Please Help Me

No no more sneaky stuff. The term subtle was not meant to be and "underhanded" term. I meant that I am not buying gifts, sending flowers, ect, I am just doing things for her and son that she would normally have to do for him or herself.

Transparent is my new middle name.

Sidebar on buying gifts. Wife and 3 of her freinds are going to a concert tomorrow night. I did buy the tickets. I bought the tickets prior to Dday. They were supposed to be an Anniversary gift to her (coming up the end of this month). Every year us and another couple (our close friends) go to a concert together at our state fair which is the end of Aug. Knowing that we would either have a little one to take care of by then or that she would be too pregnant to enjoy concert I bought these tickets for our A for her favorite group. I could finally see the writing on the wall that she would not be going anywhere with me let a lone a concert with our close freinds/couple, so I gave her the tickets (she had no clue about the) and told her to take whoever she wanted. That I bought them for her, and I would like to be going with her, but that I wanted her to enjoy herself and she better be spending some time doing that before the next little one came.

God I want her to look at me like she used to...with love in her eyes and smile on her face. I want her to want me to walk in the door, not dread me walking in the door.

still looking for advice from wise db'ers

Mess, you need a signature with as much detail in it as you can include... particularly whom you have exposed to and the results...

The forum's pretty busy right now so the more summarizing and point form you can offer the better.. thick paragraphs tend to get less attention than a good solid simmary in point form minus uneccessary details

I was introduced to my wife by her father 8/24/01. Prior to that I had been in a 5 year long relationship that ended in the summer of 2000. In between that time I was a broken individual, I allowed myself to become sexually involved with a married former friend. I knew that it was wrong, but I didn't do better. I was trying to end this and then I met my wife and it did end then.

My wife and I fell in love, we were head over heals. Then the bomb dropped. OW finds out she is pregnant and eludes that child might be mine. (Finally found out for sure from her in summer of 2009 that child is not mine) Before wife and I got married on 6/26/04 I told her what had been going on. Looking back I realized this changed our relationship forever b/c we never really dealt with things, just kept moving on with the plans we had made-marriage children ect.

FF to Feb 2007. OW contacts me to "congradulate" me on wife being pregnant. Should have never took that call. She re-dangled the O child at me. We had some sporatic communication and she became my "friend" again. My marriage was not what I would call perfect and my wife and I basically just kept plugging along, but started living like roomates. That's what allowed the OW to become my "friend" again. As I said it was sporatic communication that started to increase until 3/09/09. That was the day that my wife found cell records that I had been talking to OW alot more than sporatic. We had become "best friends" we thought. Wife tells me no more communication whatsoever. I agree b/c I love my wife and want to make it work.

Then the next bomb hits. OW plays suicide card on me and I fall for it. At first I don't believe she is, but I do research and realize she has all the signs that you can find on the net that she is serious about this. Well I have already messed up b/c I was to have no contact of wife was done, but now it is worse b/c I cant live with a suicide on my shoulders. I keep thinking that this will go away with time and actually it only gets worse. OW knows that I am hosed at home if I come clean and ditch her, and I'm hosed if she does harm herself. I'm in a corner and the only thing I can think to do is to try to keep her happy and hopefully she will give up and move on if i keep breaking promises to her.

Finally I cant stand doing this to my wife, son and unborn child anymore and I come clean to her on 2/25/10. I did enough to sink my own ship that I didn't need any help, but to make matters worse OW fabricated stories to make the EA into a PA and my wife believes them. There was no sex involved and wife believes this, but OW says there was oral sex and wife believes this.
Exactly one day after I sent NC letter to OW she came to my work and told me "you do know that your wife believes everything I tell her" and gave me that look that she would stop at nothing to ruin my life. I actually have one email left from her says that she is going to hurt me throught my wife, hurt me through my son, and hurt me through her and I would be hearing more about it as the night went on (suicide that I stopped by telling her sister). I think that catches everyone up to the mess I made.

I could use some input here. My wife told me that if i wanted a chance to fix things she needed space to think and wanted me to "move some of my stuff" out of the house on 2/28/10. I took enough things to get me by. About 2 weeks into the separation I got the following email: (I think it’s only fair for you to know how I’m feeling. I can not find one ounce of trust or forgiveness in my body and I’m not sure that I really want to. If I wasn’t pregnant I would be pursuing a divorce now. So I just want you to be prepared for that outcome this fall. I want to remain totally civil to each other and I would like to try to work out the details of separating things so that we will both be happy. I know this is not what you wanted to hear but this is how is has to be. This doesn’t mean that you can’t come see Son in the evenings or mornings anymore, I just wanted you to know how I feel.)

This is pretty much still where we are at now 4 mts later. I was just throwing this out here looking for some honest opinions / feedback as to if anyone thinks its possible be given the gift of a possible R after an extended amount time of the BS not wanting that to happen at all?