punkin, I'm very sorry that you are here, but you are among friends here.
I wanted to you know that affairs will last as long as the fire/euphoria burns within them. Affairs can last anywhere from 2 months to longer. There is no set time limit on them, but they must die a natural death. We cannot help them destroy that "in love" feeling. If we interfere, I can guarantee you that your h will protect her to the max and you will become even more so the enemy.
This is the time to focus on you, your family and your finances. Protect yourself financially because right now, it's a business deal and you must insure that you are not left holding the bag w/his debt that has incurred while he's been floating through space.
Of course you love him, but you must do what is right for you and when the time comes, you will know which fork in the road you will follow.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You got great advice, there is nothing you can do about the timeline anyway, it's all up to the individuals involved.
It stinks, but MLC affairs are usually emotionally bonded affairs versus a quick fling or exit affairs or whatever you want to call them... so they think more often than the rest that they are each other's soul mates. Barf.
Just do what you have to to take care of yourself.
I know that I have received wonderful advice here. Back in the 'old, old days' women's advice to one another on H affairs was to 'keep quiet and wait it out'. My grandmother did for years, until her kids were grown. My grandfather was a bit of a rounder by reputation. My WH & I have been 'dark' for 3 weeks, and he has only gotten messages to me of things that he wants through our Daughter ( like his CPAP - apparently, sweetie doesn't like his snoring either.) D is at stalemate, he's not pushing, I'm sitting quitely. Just down a bit about the lack of any communication, but as JTB put it, our communication wasn't very great at the time.
WH has asked daughter to drive to where he lives with OW ( 80 miles ) to bring him his CPAP which he left here 3 months ago, and so he can see her two sons, our grandsons. She has warned him that OW best not be there, and he has agreed that she will not. I can't help but worry. He is trying so hard to stuff this woman down the throats of everyone in the family. I know, worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere, but this daughter would be deeply, emotionally hurt is he lies to her. Even if he doesn't, this is a hard thing for her to do. Why is he doing this to her?
He is being selfish at best. If he needs his CPAP, he should be the one to come get it and not expect his daughter to do his bidding. If your daughter does take the CPAP to him, she should arrange to meet him somewhere other than where he is living.
I'm sorry you are so worried about this, but let's hope and pray he will not continue to expect her to bring him things from your home. I'm hoping the ow will not be there for your daughter's sake.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm not sure how to answer that. My lawyer wrote his lawyer who told him not to contact me, but there is no court order or anything. H promised our Daughter that OW would not be there at all, and he cannot drive as he had another back surgery 10 days or so ago. He said her sons might be there, which Daughter has no problem with, as she said "They didn't ask to be put in this either".
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
It sounds like the lawyers are doing their tactical moves on him. Maybe you have given your lawyer the impression that you do not wish to speak w/your h. It could be that his lawyer advised him not to contact you to discuss anything to do with the separation/divorce. They tend to do that.
If your daughter is comfortable in going over there w/the ow's sons there, then there shouldn't be a problem. I hope that I'm wrong, but I do think your h wouldn't be foolish enough to have her there after promising he wouldn't.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for your support. I actually asked my lawyer to requeest he not contact me unless it was through the lawyers, because every time he did it was to yell and accuse and threaten me. Always angry. He threatened to have a N/C put on ME, and I told him that sounded like a plan. I was hoping that in some way this was a way to "180" him communication with me. I haven't talked to he, either by phone or email x 3 weeks. Actually, it's killing ME!
