Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Just found out she already filed

I would go with an assumption that she is copying her lawyer on everything she writes to you

so

use that to keep in mind that anything you write to her will also be on record

there is nothing to settle with school...I agree with Alice... a to the point email, short and leaving no wiggle room is best

or you could ignore that part
contact a mediator and try to schedule a time where you and your wife could hammer out some details (like school stuff then...contacted mediator (insert name) about scheduling a time to go over everything...such and such a time is free. We can meet then...let them know at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

watch letting your daughter act like a turd...she will manipulate your guilt to her advantage...not because she is evil but because that is what kids do

also

no need to tell parents you are splitting
just a "hey...we should get the daughters together this summer...here is my email."

unless they are good friends of yours, anything else might be too personal.

i mean
you wouldn't go up to your pharmacist and say...hey..skank and I are getting a divorce so I thought I would give you my new phone number in case you want to talk to me. And I need a refill on my meds"

it is not necessary to share details with people you wouldn't normally anyway

Thanks guys.

Kerry's advice is right on based on what she's said and goes hand in hand with what Alice said about her using the L to get what she wants.

Alice, I believe the word she's using is 'cleared up' not 'settled' but I see what you're saying here. I didn't see the final version of the letter my L sent to her but in the draft it clearly stated I could no longer afford a private school. Then again she could be clueless and thinks I should be able to afford the school. Second, there is a question about the district because there's our school district where we live(d) and there's a different one where she's renting. But I will push for the district where I am because that's where DD would've gone had we not separated (and if we couldn't afford private school). I'm afraid she's going to push for her school district. Thanks for the actual wording...I have the hardest time with writing stuff to her so it helps me out big time when I see it written.

Wii, you're right it doesn't matter who's idea it was it's just hard to trust her on it now because she proved that she's only interested in doing things that are in her interest and when they suit her. She just pretends to be reasonable.

I wonder why she's being all snippy lately. Maybe my going dark is bothering her because I don't jump to respond to her and she feels that she doesn't have a lot of control over me anymore as I've started to let things go.

Hey fig (I like figs)- just saw your post. Thanks for words of advice there. You know you're right but I guess sometimes I want to share what's inside me with the world or at least anyone that'll listen- maybe I like it when people feel sorry for me since she doesn't feel sorry for what she's doing. If I don't share I feel like I'm hiding stuff and it weighs down on me. I do see your point though and will try to refrain from going into the details.

I like the select choice of words to describe STBXW- I still can't bring myself to curse her out but I like it when you guys can on my behalf

So fig...will you always keep the Catwoman mask on or will we know your true (old) DB identity. I know several others do- though I have to admit it's kinda cool this way LOL

SR, just remember to keep your head clear, powder dry and your bayonet handy (not literally, of course!). Hey, here's an army story for you to drive home my point. When I was a young private I was on the shooting range and one day never hit the target (not an unusual day I might add). When the Sgt. approached our targets to tally our scores he looked at my target (a little paper German fellow who was no worse for wear and had a big smile on his face) then looked at me and said "Don't worry Pvt, you still get a bayonet". So I'm always partial to throwing a bayonet into advice when times get tough! No need to thank me

wii, lol

So talked a friend and he reminded me about the temp support fiasco where my lawyer and I thought we had a verbal agreement (betwen my lawyer and hers) but when we got to the court to sign the agreement her side backed out saying there was no agreement and forced me to pay the max temp support the court software had come up with.

He said after all that why would I agree to anything with her without the lawyers involved. He said to tell her that it's best if we work through the counsel unless we're discussing DD's schedule.

What sucks is that she's going to *try* and make me pay for all the legal costs.

don't feel like you have to trust her...

just because you were married to her doesn't mean you owe her loyalty

and

I am the same person I was before

Thanks fig, I could swear I didn't see your own sitch anywhere

OK so STBXW has been busy lately...becoming nasty any chance she gets. I really wonder what's bothering her.

I didn't send her a response to her email from yesterday I plan to do that later today. She sent me these emails yesterday:

Her:
Have you paid the DSL bill? Because remember I paid the last two for you?

Me:
Hi, I thought you'd already cancelled this account- please do and sorry if there was any misunderstanding. Maybe you can ask for a credit since clearly there's been another DSL service at the same address and the old phone line was disconnected (physically at the street junction box)? Thanks.

Her (several hours later):
Are you freaking serious!?! You told me you coulnd thave 3 days of downtime and to just leave it as is, give you the password and you would takecare of it! Anyway ATT doesn't care if there is another dsl service at the house, I need to know the start date o that and I they don't credit it you shoudl pay for it as I already paid your last two months as well.


So I'm thinking of simply replying with this:

option A: I don't think I said I'd take care of it but I did ask you to give me a few days before cancelling it so the new service was activated (May 13th activation date). In any case, if you can't get the credit let me know and I'll pay it.

option B: Activation date was 5/13 if you can't get a credit let me know and I'll pay it.

I guess the money I'm paying her each month as well as paying for her health insurance, car insurance (until this week) etc is not enough she still wants me to pay the $50 for the DSL too that was in her name.

Oooh - have had so many conversations like this.

My two cents - small potatos and not worth it - paying the bill without further argument is worth the good will.

Every conversation I've had with XW like this, she's countered with something else that she's paid - there's a deep well on each side if you think about it. "Well - I paid for a new jacket" - "Well, I paid for more food last month" - whatever. You don't make headway and it gets silly. And I was pissed off because she's let bills STACK UP until, for example, the propane bill was $600, the phone bill was over $200, etc. It's nothing compared to the other costs though.

My advice - just take care of it and move on. Goodwill. You've got other things to put your emotional energy towards.

You're right Geronimo, I went with option B. It still sucks how she'll go after even $50 when I'm already giving her thousands and have always had in the past just because she needed it and I cared about her.

So why do you have propane? they don't have plumbed natural gas there?

I was figgy before...not sure if my sad tale is even archieved anymore...

I am old and seasoned

like a good wine

and

life gets better than you ever imagined it could
you are the only thing standing in its way

hard lesson to learn
but one well worth it

let go
holding onto all the little things
making everything a war
analysis of every movement, breath, text message, possible thought...all those things are pointless

we all did it
why does she do this? why did he wrinkle his nose like this when he said the word maybe? who do you think she is with? I bet he thinks her perfume smells better

it's all like gnats
they come to annoy the shite out of you, plague you, make you swat and react

in the end it is all a bunch of gnat noise

you don't like he gnats...move...go inside...use bug spray...don't just sit out there being pissed off and wondering why gnats have to bug you

she is crazy
she is hurt
she is bipolar
she is wounded
she is angry
she is she is she is

who the smuck cares

the time you waste wondering about her and her motives could be better spent wondering what you will make for supper, brushing your teeth or watching grass grow...better spent and more productive