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Wow Laura. Would have ripped that fireplace out 5 months ago if you knew you'd get that reaction I bet. Good for you!

Don't you know it!

I am looking at the "projects" on my list in a WHOLE new way now!hahahaha!!!

I wonder if it wasn't also you taking a firmer stand in your conversation. But I bet he also loved knowing that he was heard. Probably didn't hurt that you said he looked sexy either! You go girl!!

kat

If I could only rip something out......... hmm, what to destroy?

Ok, well, the DB motto is something like 2 steps forward and one step back, right?

So OF COURSE there has been some major steps back.lol. We went to the C yesterday and I knew he'd "spin" all the homework he had to do that he did none of.

He said I didn't try to communicate--which--no, dear, when you are screaming obsenities at me, this is NOT communication.

The C basically said Ok, guys, I can take your money for however long you want to do this. You need to learn to communicate whether you stay together or get separated or divorced. What do you want to do?

I told him I was doing all the things he had told me to do, and I want to fix this.

My H said he wanted out. So...long story short, C said for him to "communicate" and work out w/me what that means--separation, divorce, what?

Here's the thing--he has no problem wasting people's time and money. He has no intention of "communicating" without a screamimg match. This is so much more of the same and I'm SOOOO tired of it.

So I think I am going to move into the spare bedroom. Let him taste "separation" for a bit. I also am going "balls to the wall" with whatever I want to do. Or should I have HIM move to the spare bedroom??

It's so weird--my sister-in-law and I have been talking non-stop. I have told her pretty much EVERYTHING and have gotten SO much support from her!! She's been there through 3 of her sibling's divorces and she knows a lot of these techniques. Plus she is a Christain and is helping me in that way too.

She has been SO WONDERFUL!! She calls me in the a.m. (mystery!) and all the stupid stuff my H has been saying she tells ME to IGNORE most of what they say and look at actions--is she smart or WHAT!!

(just for a laugh, my H told the councelor yesterday that he's "mad" at my parents for spending money to get me a college education!lol.) 25+ years ago!

Oh boy, this is a roller coaster! I USED to like them so much, but today my head aches.lol.

I have workers coming to day to finish up the drywall AND to do the other thing my H said "why didn't you do that".lol.

I am not expecting more sex...or ?? lol.

Have him move to the spare bedroom. You stay put.

Well, I moved into the spare bedroom for a couple of selfish reasons:

Our mattress has been making my back sore--it is 10 years old, I don't know if I bought one of those "refurbished" ones or not, but it sags. I have been sleeping SO MUCH BETTER--no backache when I get up!!

Also the filth of that room is depressing/making me sick. He let me fix up the spare bedroom exactly how I like it because he didn't really care about it--and it is bright and nice with 6 year old carpeting rather than 25 year old carpeting. His parents stay in there, and that is another reason he let me spend money on it.

Well, now it is my room and I have been SO HAPPY waking up with NO headache and no backache. I have been chipper every morning--just because I am not in PAIN!

I had the workers remove some pocket doors and put up a wall--I did make a mistake or two with that one--didn't think about the wiring in the wall for the television, and didn't think about the light switch. H was pretty ticked (no sex for me) but then last night he did hold my hand for a few seconds. (a first in many months).lol. He wants to re-do this project and I said fine--you have a time limit and then I will have them re-do it. He said he'd do it Monday. Woohoo!! Finally up off his BUTT and doing something!!

Weird stuff, but....I'm feeling great!

Proud of you. Having your own space will help you so much. And of course he doesn't want to communicate. Why would he want to give up his punching bag? It makes him feel better.

And good for you for sticking to your plans and saying it will get done one way or the other. Seems to have motivated him. Good tactic.

Geesh, I am bummed tonight--our C dropped us. Yeah, the one I had the hots for. Basically, we are wasting our money. H spins another fantasy about how he's done everything and it's ME that won't communicate.

I know, I'll find the humor in this tomorrow or so. H has NO intention of leaving--just says it for? Bravado? Not sure. Nothing in his demeanor says he's going anywhere. 6 years ago he was leaving and I KNEW it--lost weight, was out every night, stopped calling me "mom". THAT was a scary time for me.

This time he's just...blah. Not doing ANYTHING. Just a lump on the couch complaining to whoever. Words being my main LL, this just gets me to my core. I have worked so FREAKING HARD to make him happy and he is just SO unappreciative!!

And my poor son--what kind of marriage example is this!?! I feel so bad for him.

Ok, I've had my pity party I guess. I will be OK. I need to stop feeling sad--it get me no where--where's that lovely anger that makes me SO PRODUCTIVE!!

You do realize though that you can't make him happy right? Only he has the power to do that for himself. I think you need to focus on you, what makes you happy for now. Maybe you need to stop doing so much for him. Maybe that would get his attention.

hugs, kat