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Just complete the convo. Here's what I just sent to her:

"I understand. I thought the old Jun schedule had more weekend splits but that's not really the case so I'm OK sticking with the old one.

What time will you bring DD to the build-a-bear place and who will watch her until I pick her up? Will they have my emergency contact as well as yours? same for the summer camp people.

Thanks"

Just wrapping up here then off to DD's school...

Have a great time, Romeo!

hope you had a great time with your daughter

Thanks guys I had a decent time. DD was upset when I got there because she wanted mommy instead. She started crying but with the help of her teacher I managed talk her into picking her up (she didn't want me to ) and we went into the playground area where the party was set up.

On my way to her school STBXW replied to my email above:

"Ok we'll keep the old June schedule then since the weekend splits are about the same either way.

The Build a Bear party starts at 4 and I was going to stay with her. I already asked if I could leave early and its ok. They have both emergency contacts for us for the summer camp and I was going to try to volunteer 3 of the days (and take 1/2 days from work) so I would be there 3 of 5 of the days.

I hope that helps. I am going to bring a costco pizza to the thing tonight and should be there around 5:15ish if you can stay. She said she wanted me to bring 3 pizzas (but I'm not...) and that we both have to go. I will make sure to save a couple slices for you guys if you want."

I hung out with a few parents that I know...usually she was the one who socialized and started conversations with people with me just her wing man but today I walked up to a few parents who I hadn't see for a while and talked for a bit. She showed up as I was talking to one of the parents and asked if I wanted the pizza, I told her I was ok but to check with DD who was running around and left it at that. She handed me a piece of pumpkin pie saying it was for DD from her work, she then walked away. I later went looking for DD and found her sitting down with STBX and having pizza. Soon she didn't want anymore and ran off with her friends. I and STBXW were left, with me feeling awkward (she was wearing new clothes...I see my money's being put to good use while I'm watching pennies). Anyway, I confirmed if I was keeping her tonight and tomorrow night since I was confused. Then we started walking but I decided I wasn't going to follow her so I went looking for other parents and soon found people to talk to. Little while later she came over as, I was talking to two of the dads, and said to me jokingly 'here you want to hold one more thing?' and tried to give me DD's juice box. I said 'yeah I should've brought a utility belt' she laughed and said she was leaving and that she already gave DD a hug and told her. I said OK, then she left. I hung around since DD didn't want to go...she was just being difficult today.

By the time we got home she was OK...she's finishing dinner now and watching a cartoon.

I told one of the dads that we're splitting up...I figure I should tell people myself before her so at least she can't bad mouth me and people will take her side. I just said "Oh also...DD's mom and I are splitting up, unfortunately, it's her decision and I just thought I should mention it to you in case I don't see you guys before the school's out. But here's my email address, shoot me an email and we'll get the kids together for a play date". He just said he was surprised and sorry to hear it. What can anyone say...

Anyways, gotta get DD ready for bed soon...

Hey- I know how hard it is to walk up and initiate conversations, so GOOD FOR YOU! It may not have felt like much, but it's great that you did that. And sounds like you handled interacting with her with dignity and politeness. Score 1 for Romeo.

Thanks Alice!

OK time to regroup...she just sent me an email about DD's school. Long story short we wanted to send DD to a really nice private school but since she got the temporary support orders through the court I was left with no money whatsoever even to pay her the alimony+cs. So I had my lawyer send her a letter saying that I can't afford the payments and DD will have to go to a public school unless STBXW wants to pay the tuition for the private school. This was about 3 weeks ago. Her response this morning:


Hi,
we should try and get DD's school for the fall cleared up before its too late instead of spending money on letters from the lawyers. Not that I don't love getting letters from your lawyer but that could have been 1/2 month payment on her school, just saying. Same goes when I have to have my lawyer draw up a response. It would probably be in our best interest to get together with the lawyers and just finalize everything.


So here's the irony, I was the one that asked her initially if we can come up with a settlement or we'll end up blowing DD's college tuition on the lawyers and courts. Her response was an angry, venomous email. Now she's saying what I was trying to say to her...but only after she took me to court to get the max support payments.

So help me out guys...sorry I have mental road block when I'm trying to navigate my own situation and really appreciate your guys feedback.

I say you go with whatever is cheapest and will be of benefit to your daughter. Remember... calm, cool and businesslike in all dealings with her!

Prior history - she has and is all over the map and cant be relied on to negotiate directly with. Please rely on your L to deal with communication and legal/financial matters.

[edited to add this first paragraph after reading Kerry's reply)- I say always cc yourself on everything you send her so you can send it to your L if you need to. And whenever you need to, without going overboard, cc him too or go through him. For these small back and forth emails not sure you need to- but after it's cleared up, I WOULD send something in writing to both L's saying: "STBXW and I have agreed we're doing xxx for school and just wanted to put this in the record")


//
You and I both need more clarity around our own sitches. But I think we're good at advising each other!

So, I think she wants to do what she wants to do when it suits her and not when it doesn't (funny, my H has said the same thing about me . She pulled out the big guns and spent bucks investing in her L to ensure she was set with suppport b/c that was very important to her. But now that she got the settlement she wants, she's going to be "reasonable" and not "waste money". She may also realize now- as you should keep in mind- anything she writes has a permanent record, so appearing to be the "reasonable" one who saves both of you money looks good.

1. forget about the fact that she's now championing the same cause you tried to convince her of months ago. Let it go, knowing you were right. And you were right, but she'd probably just say "no I always thought it was a good idea to talk directly, blah blah".

2. Do NOT rise to the bait of "that could've been 1/2 month's tuition, just saying". That's a loaded gun, ignore it. Again, you were right, and we know that.

3. What does she mean by "get it settled"? Is she just ignoring the fact that you literally can't afford private school and hoping you'll give her a different answer this time? Is there any question which public school/district she'd be in in the fall? If I were you, I'd send her an email back, blatently ccing yourself so she knows you have a copy (and your L if you want- up to you how paranoid you are about documenting- but that could also set up a sitch where she gets back at you by cc'ing her L on every little thing... so maybe not). I would say:

"Hi- I'm not sure what there is to "get settled". She'll be in xyz public school district and xyz grade school in the fall. Please clarify what else there is to "settle".

Thanks,
Romeo"

And then send us her response to that.

Just to be clear I am not advocating cheap as in not using your lawyers! Your wife wrote "It would probably be in our best interest to get together with the lawyers and just finalize everything." If that fits with what you think is best then go for it, as Alice said, it doesn't matter whose idea it was originally. Just go with whatever will work best in your sitch.