I know I am competing with something or someone, and if she is going to come back then I have to be the more "attractive" choice.
Wrong.
First wrong simply because you might be wrong about OM.
IF OM does exist and your wife is MLC then you really are not competeing with OM...you are outlasting her MLC.
Being a better looking option isn't really about competeing with him...it is just looking good when she wakes the f up.
I use the squirrel analogy. My dad used to get the squirrels in the back yard to eat almonds out of his hands. He'd get a bit upset at me when I came bolting out the back door to see what he was doing. I guess in the days before cable there wasn't much to do. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
First wrong simply because you might be wrong about OM.
I have a good friend that says the same thing about the possibility of the OM being in the picture. I guess it is possible that he is not in the picture but sure does feel like it.
It would be the worst case scenario if he was....so if I can stomach that then anything less is a piece of cake??? Whatever the case may be I am pretty detatched and can talk about it without any real feelings one way or the other.
This has been a significant change for me in that I now know I can treat her the same now no matter what. I was in that 2 week cycle also...where I would let my guard down get my expectations up, get hurt and say something, usually about her shortcomings with the kids. I am into the third week and have not said anything critical since May 21, although there have been opportunities for me to mess up and open my mouth.
Originally Posted By: Jack_Three_Beans
Being a better looking option isn't really about competeing with him...it is just looking good when she wakes the f up.
Over the past 2 months she has stirred but definitely still has her head firmly planted in her arse. The work on being the better option is never finished whether they come back or not.
Nickel for you Jack on the Squirrel thing, check is in the mail.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
The pain is intense, I fooled myself into thinking I was somehow removed from my feelings, it is still there, the unconditional, undying, totally devoted, I will jump off a cliff for you, LOVE. I LOVE MY WIFE. She has hurt me and our children repeatedly. My friends, my family, my coworkers, the bum on the street ask me why I put up with such disrespect. I don’t know why, I just know that I love my wife of 17 years, she is beautiful, she is the mother of my children, she is all I think about, she is the love of my life.
My wife came over last night to pick up our son who is 9 years old and is going to turn 10 in a couple of weeks. I asked her early that morning if she wanted to have dinner here when she picked him up that night. Our D13, who absolutely hates her mother and will not look at her much less talk to her, was going to be arriving home late from a school field trip. I thought I would fix a nice dinner for my S9 and my W. She is running short on money and I have really gotten good at cooking. Cooking was something I hardly ever did but now I realize what a difference it would have made. My W accepted the dinner invite early that morning with an “Okay”. I must say that I was looking forward to cooking for her all day long; I even left work a little early.
Dinner was fantastic, I had everything ready so that when she hit the door she did not have to do a thing. My S9, my W and I sat on our back patio that I write about every Thursday in my thread. It is my Zen place, my escape, originally built for my W, now my refuge from life. After dinner my S9 went in to play video games while mom and dad enjoyed another glass of wine after dinner.
I needed to talk to my W about a job opportunity that I have but would require extensive travel. IT could triple my salary and give my children and my family the financial stability we have never had. It would require my W to possibly move back into the house. I did not want to ask her anything tonight other than to consider the possibilities. I stated that I was not asking her for an answer but I would need to travel 3 out of 4 weeks a month.
I stated that I was still hopeful for us but I did not want to pressure her and I wanted to know what options we might have for caring for the kids. (I was thinking she would move back in temporarily) My wife asked “what would you do? “ and she also said “she had no hope for us”. I followed up with “so you are going to file for divorce on Aug 26” and she replied, “ Yes.” That is when our neighbor stopped in, actually he and his wife are our best friends. They live right behind us, we vacation together, our kids play together, we have known them for 10 years, they hurt too. He only stayed for 10-15 minutes.
Don’t believe anything they say Don’t believe anything they say Don’t believe anything they say Don’t believe anything they say
It is not working, no how many times I say it to myself. It still hurts.
I did not respond to her answer about divorce. I should not have asked the question, I know. But I did not respond back to her after my neighbor left, I just acted like nothing was ever said. But it hurt like my heart was being cut out with a rusty knife. Sh!t it has been almost a year!!!!! When does the hurt end????
We went back in the house to gather my son’s stuff to go with her back to the house she lives in with 2 other women. She rents a room, it is all she can really afford, no room for my son, no bed for him, he sleeps with her . We were standing in the kitchen and our son was running around to finish getting his stuff. My wife looked at me, just looking at me from across the kitchen. It was the kind of look that you give someone when you want to say something but can’t. I looked back at her and said “What is it?” and she replied, “ What” as if she was not trying to say something. I left it alone and moved closer, our son was still getting his stuff together…..and then we looked at each other again, this time right into each other’s eyes for a long time. I wanted so bad to sweep her off her feet and into my arms and kiss her passionately and tell how much I have missed her and how much I love her. I did not, but we continued to look into each other’s eyes for a long time. I can see her, she is there, my wife, not the alien but I still can’t reach her.
My son had his stuff together and was now with us in the kitchen ready to go, I bent down and hugged him and told him good nite. I stood and they were turning to leave and I couldn’t stand it, I reached for my W’s arm and pulled her gently to me and hugged her, I did not want to let go. I think she wanted it, but it was me that initiated the hug, she knows I still love her. I don’t say it but she knows.
They left, and I went out on the patio and cried.
I could not sleep and wanted to get this out of me. I do feel much better this morning, and I just want today to be a good day.
Today is “Little Friday”, my day of “Life is Good” and I know it is, some days it is harder to see than other days.
I hope everyone has a great day!! Maybe I will see you on the patio tonight……
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
MHL, I know the hurt of which you speak, we all do.
Keep traveling your path, you're on your way to being awesome! It's a journey that never ends. If your W is lucky enough to wake up and win you back, that would be wonderful for all of you. If not, it's her loss.
Thank you for the words of encouragement. I know she would be the lucky one to have me back, it is actually feeling that way that is the challenge for me right now. The difference between knowing something and feeling the same thing. Sometimes I wish I did not care about her so much.
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
You don't need an answer only to know that it is YOURS
YOUR truth.
TG, I know it is mine, I was reminded of just that yesterday as I called my father for his view on this job thing. He is so adamant that whatever I do it should not include my W. No one around me with very few exceptions, support me in wanting to save my M. I know coming here I do find acceptance and support and understanding.
Mach,
Speaking of understanding, thanks for understanding.
Yes, I will be on the patio tonight and tonight I will be listening to the Allman Brothers, specifically disc #3 of the Dreams box set that came out many years ago. That music speaks to my soul. The beverage will be Corona as is usual.
To everyone, I may not have sage words of advice to give others, I wish I did, I can only offer words of encouragement and a testimony to my own experience.
I do know this, in order to stay out of the place I got into last night I have to stay positive, and this is the day to do so!!!
I hope that some of you out there can latch onto some of that positive energy and find the strength to go one more hour or one more day. This is what I have to give back because so many times I feel I take more than I give. I hope I can be an example to others that staying positive will help get you through. It certainly does for me.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Speaking of understanding, thanks for understanding.
Yes, I will be on the patio tonight and tonight I will be listening to the Allman Brothers, specifically disc #3 of the Dreams box set that came out many years ago. That music speaks to my soul. The beverage will be Corona as is usual.
Not familiar with the box set....
VERY familiar with the Allmans though...
I tend to do the original albums.....and yes...VINYL...
Check your Email yet ?
I'm hopin that side 3 has the live version of In Memory of Elizabeth Reed
