At moments it was one breathe at a time. I told myself, "I can handle it."
Go get busy on your goals.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I realize most, if not all posters on here have been going through this for months, if not years.
In your experience - did your WAS want "everything" (finances, stuff, moving, custody, child support) settled so quickly?
My H left last Sunday (almost 2 weeks) and from what I can tell has no desire to ever come home and continues to take all necessary steps for us to separate as a couple (ie the bank account)
Is this something that happened in your experience? Please let me know if this is normal (for the situation). It's like he's forgetting we're actually married and is just basically trying to "erase" me entirely.
Note - I do not contact him at all and when I do see him b/c of D2 - I never have R or M talk, ever!
forgingon, I read your sitch. To answer your question, yes, I think it's fairly common for the WAS to want to separate everything quickly.
My W wanted to divide up everything within the first month after she left. My W wanted to draft a separation agreement right away too. It could be a red flag that there is OP in the picture. Check into that possibility in your sitch. W and I have been separated for 8 months and I still can't find evidence of OP but I'm still looking. My DB coach told me to slow down my W. She told me not to agree to anything right away and to stall. DB coach told me it's somewhat normal for WAS to want to feel liberated in a way by separating things.
I followed my DB coach's advice and stalled. W and I did eventually separate some accounts but not all...house, car, electric bill. I gave her some of what she wanted to separate but not all. Maybe try to slow things down with your H. When he puts pressure on you to divide things just tell him you need some time to think about that and will get back to him. There's nothing wrong with giving yourself some time to think about things and then do what is in your best interest. Don't worry about upsetting him. He will get upset but you standing your ground will earn his respect which is important.
I know exactly how you feel that the WAS seems like they are trying to erase the memory of your M. You are doing the right thing by not bringing up R talk. Give him some time.
Stay strong.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
